How to find a woman who won't betray?
Summary: My ex couple months ago pulled the rug underneath me, totally coming out of the blue, I had no clue at all and was left scratching my head. Turned out she was banging another dude for a few months prior to the breakup. I have 2 exes before this one, one (in college) also cheated on me, the other one (also in college) left with another dude. This left me with serious trust issues.
I really don't want to play game in relationship, just want to be honest, available. But it seems like with emotional creature like women, especially modern ones, the majority of them tends to like some drama and emotional stimulations and can't appreciate contentment. And honestly, their past performance is definitely not indicative of future behavior, they're totally prisons of their own feelings, 100% unpredictable.
Question: How to source high quality women, what's your strategy? And what's the criteria (e.g. age, family background, etc.)? I'd probably need a blueprint from you guys because I don't want to invest in bad deals that would bring chaos into my life anymore. Each time I exited from those messy situations, it cost me so much emotional capital. And I don't want to turn myself into an emotionally unavailable man with mental tactics to control my partner, seriously just want a nice girl who is content with the synergistic dynamic with me.
in my experience, you are best off finding a woman that has the least amount of baggage possible. Meaning: low bodycount. Most women lie about this which is unfortunate.
The reason guys are subconsciously grossed out when a woman admits to being overly promiscous is because for hundreds of years those women could trick you into fathering someone else's kids & there was no paternity test..
I wouldn't want my wife to be a virgin prior to being with her, but I certainly would like my long term SO to have as low a bodycount as possible. 10 bodies is stretching it, and anything over 15 is a total no go.
I'm sure I'll have MS thrown from simps, delusional women but I think the best setting for finding these kinds of women may honestly be through religion. Since the kinds of adult women voluntarily going to Church, Temple, or whatever else you believe in early on a weekend morning are far more likely to be seeking a life partner than thots going clubbing every Saturday night.
How do I give this both SB and MS at the same time. Bravo, a well stated point of view.
And how do you find out the body count?
obviosuly if a girl is going clubbing every weekend and says it’s 5, she’s clearly lying. Other thing in my exp is if her friends are generally sloots then there’s almost no way she isn’t either. But what are other ways you’d find out or at least get strong clues?
Take their answer and multiply by three. Women do the same with men, but divide by three.
*earth shattering perspective from an actual girl* : what if girls just like to go to the club to dance and drink with their friends?!
Totally agree. The difference between men and women is that women carry an emotional bond with every single man they have sex with whether they’ll admit it or not. There’s a study that shows the inverse relationship between successful marriages (divorce rates) and the amount of sexual partners the woman has. The same is not true about men. Once a woman has a high body count she’s exceedingly unlikely to be able to form a strong pair bond which will obviously lead to disloyalty in the future.
Beyond that, the amount of people you sleep with and the way that you spend your time (hobbies/recreational activity) says a lot about a person’s character and morals. If they’re in church on Sunday morning, there’s a greater chance that they weren’t out on Saturday night getting their back blown out after the club.
The best thing I could say, is meet a woman doing something you wouldn’t mind her doing alone once you get her into the relationship. If you meet the girl while she’s being a degenerate, it’s really tough to draw the boundary that she can no longer act that way when she’s with you. After all, by approaching her in that setting, you’re putting your stamp of approval on that exact behavior. Lastly, don’t trust their words, trust their actions. If she speeds around all of the bases with you on the 1st or 2nd date, understand that you’re not special and that that’s the norm. Have your fun, and move onto the next.
I'd say I agree with most of what you said. I tend to aim for a lower body count. Over 3 is pushing it for me. I wouldn't say that you'd find women at church though. Unfortunately, even the church has been corrupted and the women there have a higher body count than a cemetery.
Great input, thanks.
If you can't see yourself being good friends with a woman, there's absolutely no way she will make a good long-term partner
it's impossible to know, but here's what I firmly believe
1. get someone who's not always looking and has a grass is greener mentality. you can tell this by loyalty to friend groups, employers, length of past relationships, etc.
2. get someone who follows through. do you get stood up on dates ever? does she forget to call you back when she says she would consistently?
3. you yourself have to be a catch and faithful. so no more following insta thots, no more liking college chick's ass photos, you need to be all-in on what you have, and you have to follow through as well. you get out what you put in.
4. make the sex so good the only reason she'd look is if she's an outright whore. turn your tongue into the speed of neil peart's snare drum hits, work on your kegels, hip muscles, lower abs, get <10% body fat, give her small romantic surprises, and listen to her even when she's rambling about something super boring and you're in the middle of wikipedia black hole learning about entropy or baleen whales or some shit
RIP
You're the fuckin best
Thanks for this.
pretty much spot on... except for the <10% body fat that's actually extremely unhealthy for a female and she'd be underweight fyi. the healthy number for us is 16-19% body fat
Im saying for the dude to have less than 10% so he can be a catch for women, completely agree that females need more to be healthy
sorry for miscommunication, I realized I mixed advice about women and men together
Have you tried dating non-Americans?
^^^
Latinaaaaaaaaaaaaas
based
This, look into Asia.
There is never a guarantee that the relationship will work. Infidelity can be (and often is) a symptom of a failing relationship between two people and not the reason for a split. You can clearly see when a woman is happy, they don't hide happiness as often as sadness (her eyes smile, not just her face and you can feel she is glowing).
In my opinion a romantic relationship has a higher chance of survival when fundamental values are comparable between partners, i.e. (but not limited to)
- socioeconomic background
- comparable family values through family, faith, culture, etc
- common traits like a language, certain levels of education/profession, strong compatible interests like a sport or lifestyle (health, diet,..)
Most people in the Western countries are naturally drawn to other people from similar backgrounds. It may breed compatibility and families that get along.
In many cases where partners no longer confide in each other, both have often given up to take care of the relationship. After a few years both may take each other for granted and don't put in as much effort as when they were courting each other. A successful relationship takes time, work and effort.
Example: I still get flowers for my girlfriend, even if there is no reason. My dad has stopped getting flowers for my mom decades ago.
damn bro you are like same mindset as me and always arrive to comment what i would comment #EUgang
Users with mech keebs think alike!
Speaking of partners from the same socioeconomic background/interests, any thoughts on dating a girl in IB/finance when you work in IB/finance yourself? I know everyone's preferences are different - just looking for general thoughts.
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A big problem is that Americans make such a big distinction between dating and relationship. In Europe - you go on a date and literally if you go out for a second/thrid you are togeter exclusively. There is no endless dating like in US.
Also I think we have WSO couple on the horizon. Make it happen!
Same in Mexico
.
get moni fakk bitchis/man whores #mindset
just kidnap one from sunday church
For all the people saying church, I think it's worth noting that if we're honest here all of us are our "Sunday best" at church, and that's not necessarily how we are the rest of the week. If you want to find someone good, what matters is who they are on Friday night or Saturday night not how they are at church, so you still should be going out to look for a girl, but pay attention to how she acts. Does she come across as easy/fun or does it look like you have to strike up a conversation to even get her talking to you? Is she all over other guys or does she talk but remain physically reserved (not being physical/flirty with other guys)?
On top of that, premarital sex (and # of partners) is one of the best if not single best metric for predicting loyalty/divorce rates. There aren't many studies done on the topic as it's an unpopular concept in mainstream media, but there are some studies out there (one that comes to mind is IFS) that sow that the divorce rate climbs 5-6X times even when going from being a virgin to 1 premarital sex partner.
Godfather --
A different perspective from an older person. Here goes...
You are looking to marry someone like yourself (values, morals, religion, etc.). Someone with the same sense of humor. Someone who will bring you chicken soup during Covid. Someone who is more interested in YOU than they are themselves (obviously the reverse is true). Someone who will sit by your bedside when you are in the hospital. Someone who will keep you in check, and call you out, when you act like a putz. Someone who shares your value of money and time.
The issue is this: For most people, you will know immediately. For others, it becomes trial and error (... and I made a few whopping ones in my life...). Stop thinking about looks (within reason) and start looing at the soul of the person and how they have acted throughout their life. What's that TikTok song? "Can't make a wife out of a ho?" (reverse is true, ladies).
All my family and friends call us the "Cleavers". Calling us boring and unexciting to our faces. You know what? That's fine by me and the Mrs.
You need to be you. No more, no less. There is someone out there for you. Sometimes, it takes digging through a coal pile to find a diamond and remember it is not the destination, but the journey."
Yeah maybe for you.
From the 40 year old single guy?
Forgive me, but I think even I, a college intern, am more qualified to give long-term relationship advice than Isaiah, who’s 40 looking to settle down with a 20 year old and start having kids (10-12 of them) in a decade when he’s 50.
Noted.
1) First of all, I hope you're aware how much financial terminology you use in an everyday conversation.
2) American culture is very open to cheating, so if it's a major consideration for you, date somebody not American. Ideally, you want somebody religious, even better muslim. You can fly to some major city in a Muslim country, like Morocco for example, swipe on Tinder and meet a lot of beautiful well-educated (some speak 3+ languages) virgins who dream about marrying an American and moving to US - you can be sure they won't cheat.
3) You can also fuck around. Cheat as well.
A bit off topic, how about deflowering them and dash? I have a virgin fetish though so just wanna know which countries have high female virgins population. But I want to keep taking away their first time without marrying one though.
you're prolly gonna get killed by their family if you try to do something like that
Have done that once and honestly looking back feel kinda bad about doing it. Plus the sex was less than great. But I guess if that's what you're into you do you.
No no no no no. Wrong wrong wrong. You can’t just characterize a whole country as cheaters. What is wrong with you?
that's just the general rule, of course there are exceptions, but it's difficult to find them, and OP's post shows you that even when you think you found an exception, they may turn out to be the rule.
I mean, generally speaking the US does have the highest rate of infidelity in the world. And it's quite mainstream culturally (at least as far as music and reality tv can be called mainstream) to celebrate side chicks, high body counts, etc.
lol this guy said to marry a muslim
Pretty sure those girls won't marry you unless you are Muslim as I believe their religion requires the husband to be a Muslim
Depends on their family. Most of these girls are progressive and don't care that you're not Muslim (they actually try to escape muslim men who treat them badly). But their family may be more conservative and may ask you to convert to Islam. And you can just tell them that you convert and that's it.
What is this focus on religion, especially if you yourself are not religious? So many religious women I know have no scruples, which they justify because they are avid churchgoers. Many religious people are also of the hive mind and gravitate to church simply because they have been unable to find a sense of community elsewhere.
Agree with the above that you should prioritize a strong track record with friends and their career, a good work ethic, and a high level self control. Someone who is not complacent and doesn’t need to blow money they don’t have on vacations, $5000 bags, or to make it snow every weekend just so they can feel something, even if ephemerally.
All of that is pretty easy to spot but you all fall prey to useless thots and then wonder why you are getting screwed.
Nobody is saying that all church goers are going to be a great pick. That's why I specifically said you still need to see how the girl acts on Friday or Saturday Night.
That being said there's an overwhelming correlation between religiosity and views on premarital sex
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/08/31/half-of-u-s-christians…
41% of Evangelicals, 34% of Black Protestants, and 26% of Catholics say premarital sex is always wrong as opposed to 14% of unaffiliated.,(7% Atheist).
A similar striking result occurs when you break it down by attending religious services monthly or more vs less than monthly
43% of those who go to church monthly or more say premarital sex is always unacceptable as opposed to 17% for those who attend church less than monthly.
Some other interesting visuals in the link if you're interested.
Focus on being high value! When you do that, instead of settling and crying over 1 girl you'll have a dozen to pick from. An abundance mindset is so powerful! Get your money right, get in shape, build something. The fact that your girl cheated should show you that you aren't attracting the best you can get. Your value as a guy in finance (I'm assuming) is only going up. Focus on yourself and next time only data a girl who is 100% more into you than you are into her.
Watch:
You need to learn the skills of how women express themselves. This really should not be shocking when a woman breaks up with a guy. Women, talk more with their feelings, this is usually expressed when they are talking in conversations with you. The signs were there all along, you just missed them.
If this a recurring trend the problem is a higher % personality issue rather than a partner issue.
How direct are you? Do you find yourself doing things for your partner that you otherwise wouldn't do? How do you, as the man, lead your woman in the relationship?
Women will never be direct with you. This is a masculine trait. You are responsible as the leader of the relationship and if deep down you know it isn't right for you you need to be the one initiating the breaking up conversation.
Take your direction, vision, and clarity that you have in your career into your relationships. You will be much more successful this way and you will filter out or cut off women are aren't good for you.
Read "Way of the Superior Man". Great book.
I’m going to piggyback on the book recommendation because it’s solid and not that red-pill nonsense. After reading “Way of a Superior Man” - check out How to be a 3% man by Corey Wayne.
I agree with the RP sentiment. thanks for the book recommendation
Will buy this, thanks
Was cheated on and had terrible experiences with women before. This led to trust issues and made me start fucking around and not caring about anyone. But now Im dating the most wonderful girl whose a classic sweetheart and in my opinion role model girlfriend. She's changed my view on relationships as a whole and helped dissolve many of my insecurities/trust issues.
Basically I think the key to it is 1) focusing on yourself for a bit. cheesy, but true. Do your own thing, don't rely on girls for validation. I started fucking around trying to be the man, but that honestly left me kinda empty inside. I stopped even trying for girls and that helped me love myself more, and also it drives them crazy when they need to beg for your attention. Find hobbies, get clear on your future goals and go chase them now, and basically challenge yourself to be the man you want to be. Love yourself but never be satisfied with yourself.
2)When it comes to women keep a roster. Only narrow it down when you realize someone is special. I know this may sound tough but if you only have one girl on your mind you might romanticize her and ignore red flags. If you got options you'll be able to be a better judge of character.
3)I think the main thing you need to evaluate in a girls character is her view on relationships plain and simple. As above said, she should not have a grass is greener mentality. My current girl gave me a huge green flag when she discussed how her friends were cheating and how she lost respect for them. Surprisingly many girls will be supportive of their friends and think its okay, it's not. She told me she stays single and only will date someone if she can see herself marrying them. This is good for me because the fact that she likes being single makes her comfortable in her own skin (not needing validation from men) but when she chooses to be in a relationship with me it means that it means a lot to her.
I know where you've been man and it sucks. But believe me youre about to become so much more of a man and land yourself a wifey soon dude. and you'll pipe down the hot thots in between ;)
Thanks :)
OP had unfortunate experiences but tbh I do not think it is not nearly as common for women to betray than it is for men. In general, I do not think women want to betray unless you give them a good reason to do it, like you treat them like shit. In an ideal world, a woman wants to have one partner and she is not trying to rack up the numbers. In contrast, when a guy is young, monogamy is, more often than not, an unappealing concept.
OP has not said what kind of women he is dating. May be the OP's issue is the universe of women that he is targeting. One commenter said he should consider dating non American women, which is getting at the universe of women. With that said, I do not think you have to go outside the US to find higher quality women.
Q: How do I find a woman who won't betray me?
A: Get a dog.
The Church
Someone else said "date women like you" but I disagree.
I don't work in finance but in my experience most finance bros have a very narrow spectrum of women they date, and these women are attractive but very basic, and drink and go out a lot. Like the typical girl whose life goes -> mcmansion -> sorority -> yuppie part of the city. So maybe expand your dating preferences a little
You don’t have to have exact same interests but something in common helps. Join a cooking class, sushi making, wood carving, golf, NYC social. Finding a quality lady is like finding your best friend. Good Looks and money definitely help but they aren’t necessarily the main factors.
You literally can't. If she breathes, she's a thot. If she finds someone better, she's gonna leave you, it's really quite simple.
Just embrace the nihilism: you can’t find one.
it aint easy but it aint impossible
I had to stop here and make sure I wasn't reading a CIM
If I'm reading right, you've tried and failed 3x with 3 different women. I will go ahead and put the blame on you. You chose bimbo women and you didn't give enough of a reason for these chicks to stay. You gotta put pressure on women and make them show their true colors. Listen to what they say by carefully watching their behavior both past and present. Every woman has a skilled ability to package every ugly truth with enough nuance for a positive spin. That's why you can't take anything they say at face value.
I would not be looking for ways to pick better women for my next LTR after this happened to me. I would be out there smashing and dashing until I actually had a better understanding of women. And, I would say consistent one night stands are not the optimal approach. You need to build rapport with women with no intentions of it going too far. Date different women you wouldn't normally. It's short-term so as long as they are not a total POS, their personality is not as important. My focus would be on becoming a better man first.
Yeah, the first two weren't ideal romantic candidates. One was finessing me, the other one was a sorority chick.
I was young so I was stupid, got burnt twice and I deserved it.
What boggles me is my most recent relationship, she was financially supporting me when I was struggling with being unemployed at an early stage of my career. I thought she passed the ultimate test, if she didn't leave when I was at the bottom, she's the one.
So I started to be overexposed in terms of emotion, more vulnerable, and in turns made me more clingy. I guess that's what killed attraction.
She probably thought of it as making an investment.
keep them insecure , and make them beg for validation
Best advice I’ve seen on this. +1 dollar bill, as you know cheating always helps promote the need for validation.
This is some sexist AF stuff here. OP- it's not a woman/man thing. Adjust your picker to someone who has morals and values that match yours. This advice applies to any gender.
imo you were dating immature girls and thats fine we’ve all been there, you want a real relationship and thats totally fine however some girls really like fuckboys and boys who give a hard time idk why but it is what it is, i think that a mature women will appreciate you however a silly childish girl will use you and then leave you. A nice,organized caring man will always attract a mature woman at the end stability wins. so when u meet someone new just try to asses if they are actually mature or not. i’ll give u some tips, 1) if she really focuses on useless shit like for example if she has zero goals in her life and focus her energy to take the right instagram story or photo or to see the latest trending stuff i dont know how to explain but i think you get the idea. 2) always agreeing with you if she always agree with you then shes a liar and will eventually trick you, its human nature to have differences on some topics and her sometimes having other thoughts than you and explaining them to u shows commitment and willingness to put effort in a relationship 3) if she correlates her self worth with how many people are giving her attention hope this helps
Stop thinking with your d*ck and start thinking with your head [the upper one ;)].
I think there's strong correlation with social media use and the willingness to cheat. The more they post, the more extrinsic motivation they seek. When your relationship hits a bump, and they always do for whatever the reason, it is likely they'll find someone else that can give them that feeling in the moment, rather than try to work it through with you.. think this might be the biggest thing.. but I also think its helpful to find someone with a strong moral compass / christian values. Not talking the woman who has X:X verse tattooed on her foot/ankle/whatever.. but the one who sincerely believe in something more being out there.. and a larger purpose than herself. Feel for you brother.. Good luck.
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