I love her

I acknowledge the sheer ridiculousness of the post but I find that it's best to sincerely express that which is truly felt as it can be of therapeutic value. 

It is no secret that the greater part of the West (and the larger world) has fallen into moral and social disrepair. An unhealthy focus on materialism (often defined as function of one's value) and appearances (both physical and social) has inspired a culture of blatant selfishness, entitlement, and hedonism. It is this triumvirate of elements that has driven me to often be skeptical of others - and unfortunately I have proven to be right. Currently, I live a rather lonely life often going several days without uttering a word to anyone. Often times, I stroll around and take long walks seeing as others show signs of affection and care for each other - almost in stark contrast to the pessimistic view that I hold. Yet the disappointing thing is that those same signs of care ultimately prove to be mere symbols - falsehoods - as when the difficulties of life impact those in these relationships their selfish motives and culturally derived entitlement drive them to override the supposed commitment they had established, thus, making the entirety of the relationship a mere illusion - a sad parody.

Some time ago, I met someone who seemingly deviated from this. A sparkling exception. Initially, I did hold my reservations about her true intentions and, most importantly, her character. Yet it was her almost astonishing level of kindness, her willingness to go through great lengths for me, and her trust that slowly dissuaded me from this initial position. Notably, we spent several hours deep into the night talking about the different aspects of our life - sharing secrets, hopes, dreams, everything. Up to this point, I hadn't experienced anything like this and I ended up falling for this person. Beyond the undeniable beauty she presented on the outside, she represented something much more on the inside - even with the minor flaws she has. Unfortunately, almost suddenly, she grew distant and then proceeded to cut me off entirely (she met someone else) only to then come back and break up with said individual on the same day and then go back to him a day later. Rationally speaking, the proper course of action is to simply forget this person. However, because of the level of depth of how close we had become, I felt a rush of negative emotions - pain, anger, disappointment, disillusionment. I initially tried to talk it out with her but ultimately let it go. Other aspects of life weren't going as well and honestly I found myself looking back to the times I spent with her every single day. Nonetheless, a few key things were coming up  including an interview at a buyside SA internship that pays IB comp but actually has WLB. This opportunity was actually something I had handpicked specifically with her in mind as she mentioned she would like for me to be with her by dinner time rather than work 80-100 work weeks and barely see her. These guys were basically taking nobody but divine providence allowed me to land it. Following this, I couldn't hold it anymore (pathetic, I'm aware) and messaged her. She mentioned she had just broken up and I basically reaffirmed what I felt for her but was told that she didn't have a definitive answer yet. We've been talking a lot now but I wonder if it's worth it and if I'm trying to recreate the past - recreate the ideal her that understood me and was selfless in every way. Career wise, I had always thought about HFs but this role would not lead to that unfortunately. I had done it with her in mind but I'm thinking about recruiting elsewhere for FT. I've tried my best to get rid of my feelings for her but the reality is that I love her. 

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Comments (31)

Most Helpful
  • Intern in IB-M&A
Nov 15, 2021 - 1:43pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

So basically you didn't make a move and she friendzoned you, and in addition to that you fucked your career FOR A FUCKING WOMAN?? HAHAHAHAHAHA

She's getting railed by some random dude and you make career decisions based on her? Fucking hell get your shit together homie that's pathethic

Nov 15, 2021 - 1:53pm

Intern in IB is correct but I'll try to approach this more "nicely" so you don't ruin your life. You've gotta move on bro - you want what you think you had, but if we look at what you "had" with her from a neutral point of view, it probably wasn't as amazing as you think it was. You miss that feeling she gave you but let's be honest she didn't feel the same way if she went and got with someone else. You need to forget her and keep improving yourself - go forth into the ocean my young sea lion. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Also, think of how many people there are in the world. The whole "soulmate" thing is bullshit - the person you'll marry will most likely be due to circumstances.

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Nov 16, 2021 - 1:34am

jonjonsnow

Dude she's not into you she's just bored and she's playing with your feelings. Throw the whole heffa away

I honesty do not understand these beta males. There is a time when a guy has to grow up and be the lion in the relationship. Gee my head hurts just reading this guys story.

SafariJoe, wins again!
  • Intern in IB-M&A
Nov 15, 2021 - 2:05pm

Given how much of a bitch OP is, he should try his luck with guys

Nov 15, 2021 - 2:09pm

Similar to Barnie Stinson's formative years. Don't worry man, go fuck some pussies and you'll be legendary.

VP
  • 1
Nov 15, 2021 - 3:16pm

Allright. For everyone else.

Unpopular opinion: It's FINE to make career tradeoffs for family. In fact I'd argue that's the right thing to do as long as you know how to balance the interests of the two.  The "perfect work life balance" job will mean denying your family future opportunities and financial security, but on the other hand being rich doesn't help if your kids are screwed because you've been absentee their entire lives.

The catch: Do not make that investment until the commitment is there. My generalized advice (YMMV) is that I would argue for a compromise: explain that you need to make this initial investment now so you'll have a lot of opportunities for the family later on and that you'll be willing to slow down your work pace once kids come into the picture.

  • 4
Nov 15, 2021 - 3:50pm

Now you know what happens when you wait. Next time tell her how you feel about her somewhere in between telling her everything else about you. Don't wait on her either, do your own thing and be the best version of yourself that you can be. Give it some time, you'll feel better and find someone else.

Also, have you ever read anything by Camus? That first paragraph sounds like a page out of The Stranger.

Nov 15, 2021 - 7:28pm

Just don't give a shit about her man. Be happy that you have a buyside role with great pay and good hours and how much pussy you will get down the line. I guarantee if you don't give a shit about her now, she will start respecting you. Works like a charm.

Nov 15, 2021 - 11:19pm

Wow this is all over the place. You're probably still in college, so just focus on getting your career set up. Seems like you just landed an internship, so that's a start.

This girl seems like a complete waste of your time, though. She's going to derail you if you're seriously planning internships around her without her even being your girlfriend. I also seriously doubt that you are 'in love' with her. Sounds like you had a couple conversations with her that gave you a level of interaction that you were missing. If she has a lot of other close friends, she's not going to need that from you. You're trying to give her 100 when she gave you maybe 5 to 10. Don't prostrate yourself before just any woman who happens to have an emotionally intimate conversation with you. You might feel strongly towards her, in which case you should be straightforward and just ask her out. Being in love with someone is a mutual experience, though. It's built over countless interactions that build trust, mutual interest, and interdependence. Love at 'first sight' or first late night conversation is really just lust, even non sexually it seems you're lusting after stimulating conversation. You could just audit a philosophy class or get a therapist. 

There are plenty of great girls in the world by the way, but they won't be lining up for you with that weird attitude in your first paragraph. It reads like you think you're Sartre or maybe just Holden Caulfield. You have a comically depressing worldview. You might be surprised, but the vast majority of people are not these "materialistic, selfish, amoral hedonists." You're not some protagonist with a uniquely enlightened view of the world, free of whatever you deem morally blameworthy. And this girl is not the only woman intelligent enough to hold a good conversation. Just move on at this point and try to talk to people like a normal person. Like others in the thread have said, she is completely past you and very likely does not consider you a potential partner. 

  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Nov 16, 2021 - 12:38am

Bruh I been with my girl for almost 2 years and just signed my SA in NYC, a city she said she doesn't want to move to. Yeah it sucks but a bag chaser would. Stop simping

Nov 16, 2021 - 1:34am

To be fair who the hell would want to move to NYC at this point in time? It's lost a lot of seemingly small, but very important things that made it great in 2015.

Nov 16, 2021 - 1:34am

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  • Analyst 1 in CorpFin
Nov 16, 2021 - 1:34am

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