I want a family

Have been having this strong drive to start a family. 

Spent my early 20s being a hardo grinding in school & IB, finally gain some stability in life after settling in a buyside shop. 

It's a bit weird because I thought (during college) after landing on buyside I'd start partying like crazy. For some reasons, once I get to HF, the longing for models & bottles just...gone....

I'm still fairly young - 26. But I want a lifelong partner. Any one on the same boat? Or is it just me?  

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Comments (115)

Apr 4, 2021 - 1:46pm

So, I'm still in college, but I do want a family.... just not anytime soon. I party (at least before virtual school) but I want to party even more once I get some actual money coming in. Spend my 20's the same way I spend my college years but with more money, independence and more money. Will probably look for a serious partner sometime in early to mid 30's.

Having said that, who knows how life will go. What happened to you might happen to me. Kind of funny that I wanted to marry this girl I liked in high school but now some years later I don't want to get married until I'm like 35.

Apr 8, 2021 - 1:45pm

What changes is once you get out instead of everyone being the same age, people are distributed in the workplace across a more broad age range. As a generality, nobody at or over 30 parties anymore, so maybe only half of those around you still party in any sense of the word. That waters down the culture and ability to do things, where folks internally generate their own personal plans, and as a result, when folks under 30 look to party most of them are already drinking beer with 2-3 of their buds rather than really doing anything. 

Partying will become finding that local bar that people in ages of 22-27 at it. These people will largely be all strangers to themselves and just keep to their group of 3 or 4, who they went with. True partying is kind of tough after school, sadly.

Apr 8, 2021 - 2:24pm

It's not something I really mind though. I've never been one for the super crazy type of partying. So it's not that big of a deal. Party's at my school aren't even all that crazy it's a bunch of 20 year olds drinking and hooking up. So if I can get drunk, sleep around, plus have a small group of good friends, I'll be content until my 30s lol. Maybe, just maybe if I get some money I'll try and party like those douchebags on Instagram but again never really been my style, I feel like I won't fit it in.

Apr 4, 2021 - 1:54pm

Associate 1 in HF - Other

 I want a lifelong partner. Any one on the same boat? Or is it just me?  

I'm in the same boat. When I was 26, I thought for sure I'd get married at 35. But, I am extremely selective with chicks and the relationships that I have had (maybe 10) weren't with 'the one' although 2 of them we were 'in love' and considering marriage. 

Now, I plan to continue dating for as long as it takes to find wifey material. It could be another 10 years, idk, but I am not settling. I have seen a lot of my friends settle and compromise and then divorce and some even re-married by now. Thank God I haven't had to go through divorce. I am very careful in who I select to spend my time with and think I'll eventually match with the right person. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Apr 4, 2021 - 3:19pm

parmesan123123

So selective you must be that you want to date a 19 yo who is 20 years younger! 

Yeah I mean maybe we DM for a year and she's already 21 and then we date for 2 years and she's 23 and then we get married at 24 and spend 4yrs having fun together and she has a kid at 28 and then from 28 - 40 basically are child bearing years, which is only 12 kids overall max.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Funniest
  • Intern in IB-M&A
Apr 5, 2021 - 7:04pm

Holy shit Isaiah I continue to be amazed at just how weird you really are

  • Intern in PE - Growth
Apr 4, 2021 - 3:18pm

Brah just do it, sure, you´re gonna have to cross off some of your wishes, like "virgin" or "no trauma" or "practicing Roman Catholic", but better the sparrow in the hands than the dove on the roof, eh?

Apr 4, 2021 - 3:30pm

The other person doesn't have to be Catholic for a Catholic marriage, but our kids are definitely going to Catholic school and that is a dealbreaker that I have presented in every relationship I've ever been in. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Apr 4, 2021 - 4:17pm

I actually plan to move to LA to meet my future wife (LA is the largest population of Catholics in the nation). 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Most Helpful
Apr 4, 2021 - 7:02pm

You like many guys have absurd expectations without even properly bothering to value yourself. You want someone 10-15 years younger who is a 9-10/10. You want someone fit who will be loyal and dedicated while you've spent the past 15 years of your life sleeping around. Why would an attractive 24 y/o have any trust in you when you've spent your entire life pumping and dumping other girls? Let's not forget of course that traditional Catholics tend to have a very conservative view on pre-marital sex. And from a career standpoint you have very little stability. It seems to be every other week you take a new job. Nothing wrong with that lifestyle except girls aren't going to think you're serious about settling down. 

Array

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Apr 4, 2021 - 7:12pm

IncomingIBDreject

You like many guys have absurd expectations without even properly bothering to value yourself. You want someone 10-15 years younger who is a 9-10/10. You want someone fit who will be loyal and dedicated while you've spent the past 15 years of your life sleeping around. Why would an attractive 24 y/o have any trust in you when you've spent your entire life pumping and dumping other girls? Let's not forget of course that traditional Catholics tend to have a very conservative view on pre-marital sex. And from a career standpoint you have very little stability. It seems to be every other week you take a new job. Nothing wrong with that lifestyle except girls aren't going to think you're serious about settling down. 

Wow, thanks Oprah

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Apr 4, 2021 - 2:09pm

Justin Bieber on Starting a Family: 'Love to Have a Little Tribe' 

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7xtlo5

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Apr 4, 2021 - 2:41pm

I'm so about this. I want as many children as my future wife is ok with having.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Apr 4, 2021 - 3:18pm

Having a lot of kids would be nice, but then you gotta pay for all their college tuition.  If they go to a target school (like everyone on this thread dreams of), 5 kids * 75k/yr * 4 yrs=1.5M of college tuition.  That's a lot considering with high taxes you gotta make more than that to be able to pay all that $.  And a lot of people send their kids to private HS, which is even more than that

  • Managing Director in S&T - Other
Apr 4, 2021 - 2:14pm

Would say you are 2 years early. Since you were a "hardo" now you can forcus on some different life experiences and different hobbies never cared for or had time for. Hardos are 1 dimensional for a while and need while to find their other passions.

In reality congrats on getting to the "I want stage..". Going to take 2-3 years to start dating/pushing your limits, 1-2 engagement timeline/wedding/house-search. You may get lucky but doesnt happen always and timeline speeds up.

If you wait till 28, you are probably dating ladies past 24 so can decide if you want another hardo like you, a doctor/lawyer or artist etc. At 26 you can prolly date younger that and lots of ladies not on same wavelength/career point as you.

But recommend you date both cohorts and enjoy life for a bit on your own.

Apr 4, 2021 - 11:23pm

Would say you are 2 years early. 

lol WSO's new addition to the 2+2+2 path.,, the 2+2+2+2 path!

2 years ib Analyst

2 years PE associate 

2 years MBA

2 years to find a wife post MBA

Array

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  • Intern in PE - Growth
Apr 4, 2021 - 3:16pm

Gentlemen, this is probably a good time to annouce that I have finally found the holy grail of waifus: An ex-tomboy gamer big tiddy mommy office lady gf. I count myself the luckiest man on Earth and as soon as I have a stable job, I shall make her into my betrothed under God and make lots of babby with her. Life is good, boys, life is good.

Apr 4, 2021 - 3:43pm

You're living the American Dream.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • Associate 1 in HF - Other
Apr 5, 2021 - 4:21am

Do admit I want that. But that's probably human instinct anyway.

I'm in a position that allow me to look after the woman who bears my child. So why not?

  • Associate 2 in IB-M&A
Apr 5, 2021 - 9:16am

As long as you are mature enough to have one, then having a family is the best. I did my share of sleeping around and partying in my early to mid 20s, which was cool, but absolutely nothing makes me happier than chilling with my family at the park on a nice day or my kid running to me and screaming "daddy!" before giving me a huge hug. Those feels...

Apr 5, 2021 - 11:30am

Very normal around that age to start wanting to settle down. I was the same way and got into a serious relationship at 26.

EDIT: On that point, it took around 18 months of seriously dating to get into a serious relationship with someone who wants the same things. There were a few false starts but you will learn a ton from those. I would just start dating and see what you like and don't like about each girl. I had a friend who went on a first date almost weekly for a year straight, he ended up with a great girlfriend.

  • Analyst 3+ in RE - Comm
Apr 5, 2021 - 9:37pm

Looking for that myself too. I'm 28 now and dating more casually, just seems like a waste of time. Partying and having a good time was great, but when you're alone or in a relationship that's too superficial, what do you get over the long-term? Nothing. I've really changed my ways in looking for a partner in dating. I've invested in bettering myself and also taken a more serious note to dating. I think with that shift I've been able to make better connections with women that feel real and have actual potential. I see old friends and classmates getting married or having their first kid, but I don't feel pressured by that. I feel like finding a lifelong partner and creating a family shouldn't be rushed. It's a big goal and something that should be worked on, but not pressured to perfect at the same time.

Apr 5, 2021 - 10:26pm

Is it just me or do you feel like it's tough to find a driven like-minded person? I'm struggling at this point, most the decent looking girls I know really have no hobbies aside from running...occasionally skiing...and watching fucking tiktok before bed. And running is not a hobby, I REPEAT running is exercise not a hobby. Fuckin brutal man

Apr 5, 2021 - 11:32pm

Running is a sport. A very difficult one. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • Analyst 3+ in RE - Comm
Apr 5, 2021 - 11:35pm

Yeah, I agree with that. However, I notice, that now in my late 20s, people are becoming more interesting and have real hobbies. They all around have a more interesting personality and uniqueness. Before, people were still figuring things out being a couple years out of college working some job, living with roommates, paying bills; really just getting into some kind of rhythm or routine. Now, it feels like it's gotten so much better. People are more established, more mature and do things that revolve less around what is considered "adulting". They're able to focus on making themselves better to actually look for someone who could be a good lifelong partner.

Apr 7, 2021 - 5:38am

I was checking my colleague's tinder.

Women interests these days:

- instagram

- travelling

- netflix

What's even more ironic is that they are picky as fuck, despite average looks and zero personality.

Never discuss with idiots, first they drag you at their level, then they beat you with experience.

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  • VP in S&T - FI
Apr 8, 2021 - 1:59am

You are overthinking it here.  Nobody in NYC has hobbies, what would you have the time/space/weather to do really do?  Do you really want to date a girl who is into glassblowing, that is interesting for what 30 minutes?  In my experience anyone who has strange hobbies is usually weird and not in a good way.  I will agree with you that there are a lot of people who are just floating through life just trying to fund their lifestyle, but its pretty easy to spot and you can avoid it.  I'm married now but when I was dating I generally looked looked for a couple of things. 

1. I don't care what it is that you do for work but whatever it is be looking to advance yourself in it/pull as much money out of it as possible don't just coast.  I have dated women ranging from big-law lawyers to PR and everything in between and sometimes the PR girls are more driven than the lawyers who are doing just enough to get by.  Its not about how much money you make but are you willing to hustle and do you want to advance yourself.  Also girls that are "dumb sorority girl" types see trading floor politics in a way we never see them, IDK what it is but I have gotten some timely career advice over the years from girls who are not the brightest and know nothing about finance but seem to be able to get a good read on situations from a quick explanation or meeting your co-workers at a bar.    

2. Be into working out and cooking/healthy eating, these are lifelong habits that are important to develop in your 20s.  If a girl is really into running or a workout class or peleton that is a good thing.    

3. Be able to think on your feet and have an opinion about a lot of different topics, it does not have to be an important topic or controversial.  My wife and I argue ridiculous things all the time just for the sake of debating them with each other.  You really just want to see how someone's mind works.                           

Apr 7, 2021 - 1:53pm

26-28 is honestly my ideal time to start dating with the intention of marriage. I'm not quite there yet but ONSs and flings are starting to bore me, and Isaiah as a cautionary tale has given me a wake-up call that dudes also have an expiration date when it comes to finding good partners.   

To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.

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  • Associate 1 in PE - LBOs
Apr 7, 2021 - 4:36pm

On a serious note, I feel similarly to OP. I'm 26 and feel like my work-life balance is finally starting to improve and I would like a serious relationship and kids pretty soon. Like maybe meet someone now and get married in 3-4 years, have a kid in 4-5 years at 30/31? I'm happy to wait longer too because dating is tough and I'm not sure I'll meet someone for a couple years, but I feel zero desire to fuck around with 22 year old girls or date casually. I just feel ready to settle down and start the next chapter of my life.

Apr 8, 2021 - 3:11am

Everyone thinks strippers are easy, but let me ask you a question: how many strippers have you slept with? Okay, now let me ask you another question: how many nursing majors have you slept with? Exactly. Nurses. Go for the nurses. 

We're not lawyers. We're investment bankers. We didn't go to Harvard. We Went to Wharton!
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  • Intern in PE - Growth
Apr 10, 2021 - 2:16pm

That´s a very quick path into severe depression, my friend. Nursing is a fucking cutthroat business, 80h weeks are the norm and there´s another thing. You remember that bitchy two-faced girl in HS who loved to create discord? Chances are she became a nurse, pretty much the only industry where sociopathy is more common in women than in men. Get off your soap opera-induced fantasy and get a grip on reality, son.

Apr 9, 2021 - 4:00pm

hey dude. In a very similar situation. Always figured I'd focus on work over relationships maybe until 30, but since moving to the buyside have found myself in a very happy relationship a year in. I've thought about it a lot -- here's what I've put it down to:

a) COVID-19 has made being single and ready to mingle less fun. Moving to a hedge fund generally is a lonelier existence than IB -- no class of peers to pretend it's college with -- I'm sure COVID-19 has only accentuated that.

b) The work environment. Since taking on my own coverage, outside of earnings and market hours, I've found I really can decide when I work. Take a fat nap at 6pm to do a revenue build at 10pm with a full tank of gas? Fine by me. Step out for lunch during the noon lull? Block off an hour on the calendar for "channel checks".

c) location/culture. My fund is located in Greenwich CT and like most buyside institutions, has an average age skewing older

I'm sure it's natural. Honestly, it's way easier to perform in our industry when things at home are stable -- think there's a clear correlation w plausible causation between HF managers having great years after getting married -- look at Ackman. Got married in 2019, and put up two great years.

Big4 Audit --> TMT L/S

Apr 11, 2021 - 4:10pm

Jesus Christ this thread went places. At 26 with some money in your pocket you should absolutely be living it up. Date lots of women, go see the world, etc...

Array

Apr 11, 2021 - 4:43pm
Only two sources I trust, Glenn Beck and singing woodland creatures.
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