Interested in a girl who's into BDSM (and I'm not)

DanielHardman's picture
Rank: Gorilla | banana points 648

As I write this, I am very unsure of what to do. And so, naturally, I turn to WSO to solve my problems.

Here's the situation. I've gone out with a girl a couple times (we are both in college, she's a senior, I'm a junior), and I happen to really like her. We both have very similar quirky interests and similar life stories, and we are just vibing on all levels. She has her cons, but overall, I think she's a good person and she's pretty smoking hot.

However, after our date tonight, I found out she's into some...deviant sexual stuff. I won't get into specifics, but it's on the spectrum of BDSM. I've only ever had one other partner, and it was all vanilla, which I'm fine with. I've also never been into the rough porn stuff - I thought it was fake and weird (no offense to those that are, just not my thing).

Hence, I'm stuck in a weird situation. I'm not sure if I'll be able to fake the kind of stuff she wants. Any other guy been in a similar spot? And this isn't the first time it has happened to me (in the time before, I broke it off easier for other reasons). Should I just man up and play the role? Or just break it off? I want to make her happy but, damn, I'm not into that stuff.

TL;DR what do I do with a girl who is into deviant sexual stuff when I'm not.

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Comments (51)

Most Helpful
Oct 10, 2018

just do it pussy

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

    • 36
    • 1
Oct 10, 2018

just do it pussy by sticking it up something that's not her pussy

Oct 10, 2018

Best advice here. Suck it up. Step up or step out son.

Dayman?

    • 2
Oct 11, 2018

This. How can any guy not be into bdsm?

    • 2
Oct 11, 2018

You clearly don't know much about bdsm

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

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Oct 12, 2018

I was exaggerating due to my own love of it.
Been in the scene for 5 years

    • 1
Oct 12, 2018

Weren't you just canvasing a public forum on how you can get girls to even talk to you?

    • 2
Oct 12, 2018

It was a dicussion bourne out of curiosity on how people meet women.

Oct 10, 2018

you dont even know what youre into youve fucked one chick and two hands

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

    • 1
Oct 10, 2018

Sounds like she's into nerds

    • 3
Oct 10, 2018

Bad sex with a hot chick is better than pretty much any other day, give it a try, you might enjoy it.

Nov 9, 2018

Especially if she's submissive>>>

Oct 10, 2018

is she stronger than you? is that the concern? that things get out of hand and you get beat up?

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

Oct 10, 2018

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_position
Find some from this list that you both enjoy and go from there

Oct 10, 2018

There are many many elements of BDSM have nothing to do with actual sexual intercourse or any sort of penetration whatsoever... unless you want to include mind-fucks. :)

Learn More

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Oct 10, 2018

Starring Hugh Grant...

Oct 10, 2018

Interested in a girl who's into BDSM (and I'm not)

you lucky bastard!

    • 4
Oct 10, 2018

sack up!

Oct 10, 2018

You can introduce her to me. I will BDSM the quirky interest out of her.

Oct 10, 2018

You should let her tie you up in a SEX DUNGEON. Just pretend she's Janet Yellen and it'll be fine.

    • 3
Oct 10, 2018

Haha thanks guys, I'll give this a shot.

Oct 10, 2018

Instead of getting punished by your VP, get punished by a hot girl

Oct 11, 2018

Is she a dom a sub or a switch. Dom is a non starter, leave immediately. Sub is your dream come true, and you can put up with a switch.

Oct 11, 2018

Why is dom a non starter?
There is something sexy about being tied up by a women and teased.

    • 1
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Oct 11, 2018

I was picturing some Chuck Rhodes style BDSM...not a fan.

Oct 12, 2018

Ew

Oct 11, 2018

Go for it, the more vanilla sex you have the more bored you'll get with it and eventually you're gonna turn to some form of BDSM at some point.

In the end, pretty much all girls like that shit and you have a perfect chance to experiment and learn from this chick right now. Even vanilla girls get wet if you can talk about BDSM confidently

    • 1
Oct 12, 2018

when you say BDSM....people actually want women dominating them? Nothing makes me go softer faster

Oct 12, 2018

It's honestly just for fun/pretend. Sometimes role reversals can be exciting/interesting. If you're that turned off by a woman dominating you, that sounds like insecurity with your masculinity.

Oct 12, 2018

I think I keep thinking about heavy BDSM, and not like silk ties and candles...which honestly sound pretty gay.

Not that the last sentence has helped me with "insecure masculinity". Still sounds boring...

Oct 12, 2018

The following is coming from someone considerably older than you and also I'm not a guy, so my perspective and thoughts may not be what you're looking for... that being said...

Talk to her and ask what are the things she really can't live without in that realm of her life.

Just because she's "into deviant" stuff doesn't mean that she requires it 24/7... but if she does, then it's better for both of you that you find that out sooner versus later and not waste each other's time.

And be honest with her and yourself, based on what she shared with you, absolutely none of it interests you out-right? No gray areas of curiosity at all?

No? Then go no further with her.

You ask "should I fake it/play the role"... would YOU want someone to fake their interest in things that you deem important or relevant to you, whether it's what you like in bed, your interest in sports or politics or fitness or anything else?

Why pretend to be willing to provide someone what they want or like? Faking interest always dooms things... whether it takes days, weeks, months... eventually you're going to show your disinterest [or certain body parts will!] or you will say the wrong thing [or actually say the honest thing, am I right?] and then that makes things awkward for all involved.

As for all the guys here giving you grief about putting up or shutting up... it's obviously fine not to be into things that other people are into, BUT you also shouldn't be calling stuff deviant, short of it involving children or animals, just because you're not into it. As long as you're both over 18 and not hurting anyone, [unless that happens to be what they want and you're fine with that, heh heh]... that's all that matters.

    • 5
Dec 27, 2018

Username checks out

    • 3
Oct 12, 2018

Paraphrasing some comedian:

Girlfriend: "I want you to choke me during sex in bed"

Boyfriend: "Can't we do it the old-fashioned way?...
.
.
.
.
at the dinner table?"

Oct 13, 2018

mmmmm sliders

https://odditymall.com/includes/content/cheeseburger-ball-gag-0.jpg

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

    • 1
Oct 13, 2018

So what ended up happening? Did you enjoy any of it?

Dec 27, 2018

Yo @DanielHardman, we (I) need a follow up. My work-toilet browsing brought me here and I'm heavily invested in this relationship.

Dec 27, 2018

Seconding this, either tell us how it went, or send her to me so I can finish what you couldn't @DanielHardman

thots and prayers

Dec 27, 2018

Turned into @DanielSoftman ):

Cultivating mass and wealth since '95

Jan 5, 2019

underrated comment

thots and prayers

Dec 27, 2018

Yuck. I'm genuinely repulsed by BDSM. I wouldn't even be able to get it up for her at all after finding that out. I would run for the hills.

Dec 28, 2018

Remember this, hurts less than spending the night alone. Fuck running for the hills. Mama didn't raise no pussy.

thots and prayers

Dec 28, 2018
2and20:

Remember this, hurts less than spending the night alone. Fuck running for the hills. Mama didn't raise no pussy.

Has nothing to do with fear of the pain. It's just not a turn on in the least. It's actually straight-up disgusting. I'm as turned on by it as I am by the idea of having sex with a transsexual. It's just fucking disgusting.

Jan 4, 2019

UPDATE (for all you horndogs):
The sex was pretty hot. It started out vanilla, then we chatted more about what specifically she liked. I obliged, and found it fairly hot myself. We never got to the fringes of BDSM (i..e no bondage), because I broke up with her after about a month. She ended up being a bitch (lol) and emotionally we were no match. But at least the sex was fun. Thanks WSO.

Jan 4, 2019

So many details are missing, don't even know where to start.

thots and prayers

    • 2
Jan 7, 2019

Still DanielSoftman

Cultivating mass and wealth since '95

    • 1
Jan 8, 2019

Hey, at least I'm not a financial advisor

Jan 8, 2019
  1. Different strokes for different folks
  2. You're still in uni

Cultivating mass and wealth since '95

Jan 8, 2019

And still no new details.......smh
What's there to hide

thots and prayers

Jan 8, 2019

Cultivating mass and wealth since '95

    • 1
Jan 8, 2019

thots and prayers

    • 1
Jan 12, 2019