Interested in a girl who's into BDSM (and I'm not)

As I write this, I am very unsure of what to do. And so, naturally, I turn to WSO to solve my problems.

Here's the situation. I've gone out with a girl a couple times (we are both in college, she's a senior, I'm a junior), and I happen to really like her. We both have very similar quirky interests and similar life stories, and we are just vibing on all levels. She has her cons, but overall, I think she's a good person and she's pretty smoking hot.

However, after our date tonight, I found out she's into some...deviant sexual stuff. I won't get into specifics, but it's on the spectrum of BDSM. I've only ever had one other partner, and it was all vanilla, which I'm fine with. I've also never been into the rough porn stuff - I thought it was fake and weird (no offense to those that are, just not my thing).

Hence, I'm stuck in a weird situation. I'm not sure if I'll be able to fake the kind of stuff she wants. Any other guy been in a similar spot? And this isn't the first time it has happened to me (in the time before, I broke it off easier for other reasons). Should I just man up and play the role? Or just break it off? I want to make her happy but, damn, I'm not into that stuff.

TL;DR what do I do with a girl who is into deviant sexual stuff when I'm not.

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Comments (62)

Most Helpful
Oct 10, 2018 - 8:37am

just do it pussy

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/
  • 57
  • 1
Oct 10, 2018 - 11:06am

Best advice here. Suck it up. Step up or step out son.

Dayman?
  • 3
Oct 11, 2018 - 6:09pm

You clearly don't know much about bdsm

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/
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Oct 10, 2018 - 8:37am

you dont even know what youre into youve fucked one chick and two hands

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/
  • 1
Oct 10, 2018 - 9:07am

is she stronger than you? is that the concern? that things get out of hand and you get beat up?

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/
Oct 10, 2018 - 10:30pm

Instead of getting punished by your VP, get punished by a hot girl

Array
Oct 11, 2018 - 12:04pm

Go for it, the more vanilla sex you have the more bored you'll get with it and eventually you're gonna turn to some form of BDSM at some point.

In the end, pretty much all girls like that shit and you have a perfect chance to experiment and learn from this chick right now. Even vanilla girls get wet if you can talk about BDSM confidently

Oct 12, 2018 - 2:39pm

The following is coming from someone considerably older than you and also I'm not a guy, so my perspective and thoughts may not be what you're looking for... that being said...

Talk to her and ask what are the things she really can't live without in that realm of her life.

Just because she's "into deviant" stuff doesn't mean that she requires it 24/7… but if she does, then it's better for both of you that you find that out sooner versus later and not waste each other's time.

And be honest with her and yourself, based on what she shared with you, absolutely none of it interests you out-right? No gray areas of curiosity at all?

No? Then go no further with her.

You ask "should I fake it/play the role"… would YOU want someone to fake their interest in things that you deem important or relevant to you, whether it's what you like in bed, your interest in sports or politics or fitness or anything else?

Why pretend to be willing to provide someone what they want or like? Faking interest always dooms things… whether it takes days, weeks, months... eventually you're going to show your disinterest [or certain body parts will!] or you will say the wrong thing [or actually say the honest thing, am I right?] and then that makes things awkward for all involved.

As for all the guys here giving you grief about putting up or shutting up... it's obviously fine not to be into things that other people are into, BUT you also shouldn't be calling stuff deviant, short of it involving children or animals, just because you're not into it. As long as you're both over 18 and not hurting anyone, [unless that happens to be what they want and you're fine with that, heh heh]… that's all that matters.

Oct 13, 2018 - 10:58am

mmmmm sliders

https://odditymall.com/includes/content/cheeseburger-ball-gag-0.jpg

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 2
Dec 27, 2018 - 8:20pm

Yuck. I'm genuinely repulsed by BDSM. I wouldn't even be able to get it up for her at all after finding that out. I would run for the hills.

Array

  • 6
Dec 28, 2018 - 1:13am

Remember this, hurts less than spending the night alone. Fuck running for the hills. Mama didn't raise no pussy.

thots & prayers

Dec 28, 2018 - 7:58pm
2and20:

Remember this, hurts less than spending the night alone. Fuck running for the hills. Mama didn't raise no pussy.

Has nothing to do with fear of the pain. It's just not a turn on in the least. It's actually straight-up disgusting. I'm as turned on by it as I am by the idea of having sex with a transsexual. It's just fucking disgusting.

Array

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Sep 29, 2019 - 8:14pm

Just ask her what she's into and start slow.

Interested in health tech, consulting, and entrepreneurship.

Jul 11, 2021 - 9:52am

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Nov 1, 2021 - 10:00am

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