Is hooking up with a Co-Worker EVER worth it?

If there are attractive people on your team / in your office is it ever worth it to shoot your shot? I feel like if it's acceptable it would most likely be with someone your age who was in your analyst "class". Going for someone older or younger could backfire, although in different ways. Anyone have stories about times they went for it? Whether it turned out successful or imploded? 

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Comments (111)

Nov 9, 2020 - 7:09pm

If either of you put in your 2 weeks, then definitely why not

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Nov 10, 2020 - 12:58am

Went over to their place 

Told me they were a DJ 

Played some absolute shit music on Spotify on their home speaker system and they took off their clothes and started grinding against the Samsung smart refrigerator and did unspeakable things to the ice maker. I agreed to let him become CEO if he agreed to let me leave 

worst sex ever, DJ David pinesol  >:( 

0/10 would not recommend 

Most Helpful
Nov 10, 2020 - 11:25am

you should not be "shooting your shot" the mutual attraction should be natural, obvious and overwhelming and unstoppable.  Anything less than this, and this is a very bad idea.

just google it...you're welcome
  • 21
Jul 1, 2021 - 10:52am

SILENCE BURNOUT

2020 Update: recounting my experiences in PE and sharing thoughts on recent deals at https://leverup.substack.com
  • 1
Nov 13, 2020 - 4:10pm

I definitely want to but I feel like if it ever got close to happening, which in one particular case I actually think it might, I would probably say something along the lines of "we shouldn't do this" and reference our fucking handbook and absolutely kill the moment.

Dayman?
  • Intern in RE - Comm
Nov 10, 2020 - 4:21pm

It is not a good idea, that's for sure. However, there is this one girl I work with, she's a first year analyst. I swear to God, everytime I see her I want to rip her clothes off. I think there is something there, she's always flirty and when no one is around there is tension. From the way she acts around me, I have no doubt she can feels it too. I think I'm just going to go through with this, been 3 weeks and I can't anymore, tired of trying to be "professional" it's human nature to want to fuck. I don't care about "optics."

THIS IS NOT ADVICE

  • Intern in RE - Comm
Nov 10, 2020 - 5:27pm

I will, it's going to get both of us fired OR it's going to be great for the short while it lasts. Like in the movies. The office I'm at is something out of the movies too, so maybe not going to be bad. If the boss finds out, I might get a FT offer.

Nov 12, 2020 - 9:32pm

this is literally disgusting. "I want to rip her clothes off" she is a qualified IB employee who is probably just polite to her creepy coworker (you) so things aren't awkward. I hope you slip up and say something and get reported to HR. Imagine posting about wanting to rip a male coworkers clothes off on a public forum. embarrassing

Nov 11, 2020 - 9:20am

Did this once with a coworker. It was a small accounting firm, about 150 people. I was looking for other jobs/had accepted another job so I was somewhat out the door. But I had a long runway, the new job was a couple months off. 

I will say, you think its on the low but somehow people tend to figure it out. It was some chick in HR, so we didn't have a ton of overlapping work. Remember though, people's mind's race, so they will throw the ball down field on this. Was it worth "risking" a career over? At the time I was younger, so it seemed like a good idea. And actually, it didn't mess up anything, so I don't know how bad it actually was. 

On the flip side, at that firm we had two coworkers who were dating/lived together, but acted like they weren't dating. Did things like drive separate cars to the office, but everyone knew, and if you didn't know you figured it out. 

Nov 12, 2020 - 7:32pm

Generally speaking, it's a bad idea to fuck your coworkers. That said, if you're an intern/analyst and you're fucking another intern/analyst, no one cares. The HR problems tend to arise when there is a seniority mismatch. Specifically, you cannot fuck your subordinates. I want to fuck an intern/analyst/associate every year. I don't because the consequences outweigh the potential upside (it's also not clear that they'd want to fuck me, but this is beside the point). This is also why I don't drink or party with any of the analysts/associates anymore. Drunk brotherbear is a bad man and can't be trusted to make the judgment call I just explained above. 

Nov 12, 2020 - 8:44pm

brotherbear

Drunk brotherbear is a bad man and can't be trusted to make the judgment call I just explained above. 

lol - at least you know how to take care of your dark passenger and where to draw lines. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 1
Nov 12, 2020 - 8:51pm

I never have. I was cautioned against it by a mentor in my first corporate job. 

There was one time though where a chick was kind of cute and we couldn't hook up because we both worked at the same place. We never really talked about it. Then the company did real shitty for the month or quarter in profits and they started firing people. They fired her and some other people. My boss, the COO told me I was going to be reassigned and I had to tell him that it was CFO for me or I resign. He somewhat was open to the idea, but didn't think the current head of finance would be ok with it and they would have to fire her. I met her - she was a huge bitch. I said ok - fire her. It didn't work out so I resigned. Then, suddenly both me and this other chick don't work at the company anymore. 

She knew I was thinking of resigning, so said - 'hurry up and resign so we can go day drinking'. It did sound alluring. So texted her when I finally had cut ties and we started having lots of margaritas at this mexican place. Of course we hooked up that night. I never really liked her enough to date and she still likes me, but she moved to another state, which is probably for the best. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 6
  • Associate 2 in PE - LBOs
Nov 13, 2020 - 2:07am

I have and was one of the lucky 0.1% where she was cool and nothing changed. Definitely would not recommend at the risk that it could go horribly south very quickly. Personally would never repeat

  • 1
Nov 13, 2020 - 6:36am

I have and was one of the lucky 0.1% where she was cool and nothing changed. Definitely would not recommend at the risk that it could go horribly south very quickly. Personally would never repeat

100% agree. Yeah early in my IB years I hooked out with a girl I worked with (not in my direct team but on the Capital Markets side, with who we worked regularly). She was a cool person but it still made things awkward afterwards.

Personally I just wouldn't ever again because the risk/reward profile is so terrible when you think about it. There are so many attractive/nice girls out there, is it really worth hooking up with one at work? In the best case it's mildly awkward - worse case there could be major conflict (and in the #metoo era you really don't want to have some HR complaint against you or even their involvement, even if the whole thing is meritless).

I guess you could say what happens if you both have mutual feelings after the hookup and want to take it further? That's still not a great situation - I know in TV/movies you see people in high-pressured jobs meet their "soulmates" at work (e.g. unrealistic shows like Suits etc), but the reality will be you bring in all your relationship sh*t/problems into your work every day. People will notice, and also for you personally it will suck - even in the best relationships there are conflicts, can you imagine having a big argument at home and then you can't escape it and have to work for 12-15 hours sitting near your partner who is angry at you? Sounds like hell on earth to me.

So yeah for a brief bit of fun there are really only major potential downsides. I'm sure a lot of people do it and then it works out fine, but you're still taking a big chance and potentially risking everything in your job/professional career you've worked for years to get to. And unless you work in the middle of nowhere, in any big city there are so many hot/funny/nice girls out there to meet who you don't have to work with.

Nov 13, 2020 - 6:44am

Exactly man. The mind convinces you that it's not that bad given the proximity and that you're "going through it together" but those are drunk thoughts which don't pan out to a happy reality haha. And yeah now more than ever it's just not a good time to engage in anything like that. Can't follow the D instinct in those situations

Scary thing is that if the girl ever viewed it as a mistake, she has the power to turn it all against you despite what actually may have transpired 

  • 4
Nov 13, 2020 - 11:31am

Life is way too short to worry about what the miserable lemmings in HR have to think about your consensual relationship with a coworker. Same level a safer bet, however.

"Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
Nov 14, 2020 - 12:13pm

I don't get this: what on earth would HR have to say if a guy in the office asked a girl who has his same seniority out? Like what? She can say no and it ends there. Or if she does hook up with you and then she gets pissed/changes her mind, how and why should she have the power to "ruin you career"? It's not like you raped her. I am all for equality of opportunities but oddly enough I don't support discrimination to fight discrimination and I think women have a ridiculous and unfair power in these circumstances (and the fact that HR is mostly ladies doesn't really help with this...). 

It's ridiculous. I had a friend who is 28 and who was dating a girl who is 22, long story short after a while he finds out she had another boyfriend and her response was "if you tell him I am gonna say you raped me". Just browse some quora or youtube and you are gonna find countless stories of men unjustly accused of rape who committed suicide or spent years in prison.

Nov 18, 2020 - 12:36pm

I do think it's rare but nonetheless I think that:

1) If you ask a coworker with your same seniority out there should be no consequences and HR shouldn't be entitled to say/do anything whatsoever. If she says yes, good, if she says no, end of the story. I might understand if some company had a "no-dating policy" among coworkers (the only reason I can think for such a thing would be that if two people in the same team are dating and then break up their dynamics at work would change and negatively affect their performances on the job) but don't tell me this harassment nonsense. It's disrespectful to those girls who have been harassed for real. The thing would be different if a VP asked an analyst out because, he being her superior, she may feel pressured to agree fearing negative consequences on her career if she says no. Or if you ask her out and then really start harassing her if she says no, but that's completely different and not something I guess anyone smart enough to get into a BB would do.

2) Innocent until proven guilty should hold even for sexual harassment claims. Instead thanks to the #metoo movement (which in its original intentions was obviously a good thing) every male who is even remotely associated with a sexual harassment claim instantly gets a huge sh*i storm and get ostracized on every social media. Good luck with your career after you got your reputation destroyed by a false claim. I am not saying that sexual harassment claims shouldn't be taken seriously, they absolutely should, I just think they should be fairly handled. 

Nov 14, 2020 - 7:28pm

depends. do you hook grip your deadlift?

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

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  • Analyst 2 in IB-M&A
Nov 16, 2020 - 7:06pm

Is robbing a coworker blind, setting them up for a crime they didn't commit, and leaving them for dead in the desert ever worth it? Because I've done that 5-6 times by now. I've also killed a few of their pets, driven drunk in their cars (took their keys while they were passed out), and hooked up with their spouses.

Nov 18, 2020 - 12:30pm

at the Big4 accounting firms, a large % of people date and get married internally.....this is VERY common...and rarely has negative consequences.

just google it...you're welcome
  • Analyst 2 in RE - Comm
Nov 18, 2020 - 6:23pm

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  • VP in IB-M&A
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