Is it advisable to send your ex one final text message?

Valorsq's picture
Rank: Gorilla | 624

As you can see from my old posts, this bitch literally broke me emotionally. I lapsed into depression because of her, ended up with a black eye and almost got killed because I did something to permanently drive that other dude she had fling with away from her life, it was much like love triangle (back then, I was being silly and was like "if I can't have her, I'm not going to let him have her either"). I'm sure it wasn't as painful for her because she couldn't care less. I stopped living and just started "surviving" or just trying to make it safely to grave... until recently when my friends and members of this group convinced me to start dating again and focus on things I loved. I want to thank you all for supporting me during that difficult time.

I'm in a much better emotional state right now. It's been a year almost and I've already achieved so much. I just transitioned to a function in high finance that I had always ignored because I was focusing on her bullshit too much. I attended various self-development seminars and learned so much. I got back to reading more and I have already finished 3 books in a month, all Wayne Dyer's and Sigmund Freud's though lol. I've started getting involved in healthy activities, like tennis, again, something that my depression drove me away from . I've traveled cross-country and internationally and just loved getting to know women from different backgrounds. I've discovered that every woman is beautiful, unique and has her own interesting story, something I ignored for 13 precious years of my life because I was stuck in her "tunnel vision", something I called love. I've now been seeing this amazing intelligent geologist for some time and she actually made me discover a new interest...geology of course lol. I certainly don't regret going through that phase of darkness though because if I hadn't gone through it, I probably wouldn't be where I am right now. Like they say, darkness truly implies light.

Now, I want her to know that. Why, you may ask. Because I stooped so low to have her back, I literally begged her to take me in. I lost my self-respect for her. I fought with others for her. I made her feel like a Queen when in all honesty, she belonged in the gutter. She got the satisfaction that I was suffering because of her and now I want her to know how better off I am without her and how well I've been doing. I want to put her back in her place where she truly belongs.

I know this is a little immature but it's going to be a final message and post regarding her as I'm now truly ready to put that chapter behind me.

Thanks for putting up with me.

Comments (42)

Funniest
Oct 26, 2019

Interesting to see that this place has become a personal diary for some people.

No, move on.

    • 12
  • Analyst 1 in CorpDev
Oct 26, 2019

It's annoying. Are we a dating website now?

    • 1
    • 1
Oct 26, 2019

It's only natural considering Wall Street is famous for its sensitive, caring, emotional people.

    • 5
Oct 27, 2019

send her a DISEMBOWELED MEERKAT CORPSE

    • 2
  • Associate 3 in IB - Ind
Oct 28, 2019

Inside of a warthog corpse, call it the "Timon in Pumbaa"

Oct 26, 2019
jnhadekjs:

I certainly don't regret going through that phase of darkness though because if I hadn't gone through it, I probably wouldn't be where I am right now. Like they say, darkness truly implies light.

Oh, you think darkness is your ally. But you merely adopted the dark; I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't see the light until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but BLINDING! The shadows betray you, because they belong to me!

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Most Helpful
Oct 26, 2019

No, I understand that you want closure and her to know how much pain you've felt. But no, write something on pen and paper instead. I like writing short stories and screenplays, hitting the gym (THIS will make you feel better than a text), and reading books. Helps me out.

I've had two separate 4ish year relationships end abruptly. It sucks. They move on with their life and will appear to move on faster than you. Let it go and move on yourself. That text won't do anything for you other than 5 mins of dopamine that you got the upper hand. Until she doesn't respond. Then you're like wtf. Or if she does, then it opens the door for more arguing. Just let it go man.

Also FWIW I was against marriage, thought I'd never find anyone, and was scared of commitment. Those two experiences hurt a lot. Fast forward a while and I'm engaged now and found someone who makes me happier and healthier. Life gets better bro, and it starts with moving on without a last text.

"The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary." - Nassim Taleb

    • 9
Oct 26, 2019

I don't want her to respond. In fact, I've even blocked her number and was just thinking to unblock her for a while, send it and then block her again. Thanks though, I totally get your point.

Oct 26, 2019

Totally get where you're coming from bro. But that text won't get you closure. Idk what closure even really is, it never lives up to expectations. Things in life tend to be anticlimactic. The moments that change us are unassuming, we only realize we lived those moments when looking back. Moving on is easiest without that final text.

"The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary." - Nassim Taleb

    • 3
Oct 26, 2019

No, she's an ex. There's literally nothing you can gain, only potential to stir up new crap and just make the situation worse for yourself. It's completely irrational to make decisions that have 0 upside and only potential downside. For your own sanity just move on.

    • 2
Oct 26, 2019

Thanks. I just got carried away lol

  • Associate 2 in CorpDev
Oct 26, 2019

Dude sending her a message like that just shows you still miss / need her or her attention. At least that's what it'll come across as

    • 1
Oct 26, 2019

I do really want her attention. But not in the way you meant. I just wanted her to knowthat I'm not that weak ass person that I once used to be for her. Because toward the end of the relationship, she succeeded in reducing me to her level, I feel embarrassed when I think of it now.

Miss her? Nope.

    • 1
Oct 26, 2019

Texting her some final text will frankly not mean a thing to her at this point and make you seem like a "weak ass person".

All you can do is succeed and move forward and if youre doing great is when you can scorn her if she tries to come back. The grass isnt always greener.

Oct 26, 2019

Seems like only downside here, would avoid

Oct 26, 2019

Don't do it man, let the sleeping dog lie, trust me

Array

    • 2
Oct 26, 2019

post her nudes

Array

Oct 26, 2019

Sorry, I wiped my phone clean after her lol

Oct 27, 2019

Yeah. Depending on where you live there may be revenge porn laws which make such an act potentially criminal, not to mention the potential civil liabilities...

Oct 27, 2019

Always remember that if you think there is better for you out there, there probably is.

Think about it: There's like over 3 Billion girls. Chances are you can find someone who you like more out of that many.

    • 2
Oct 27, 2019

Yeah. That's what I meant by being stuck in this "tunnel vision" or "infatuation". It took me a long time to realize that but better late than never.

Shit, I've seen men not willing to move on and allow happiness into their lives just because their "ex" wouldn't like it or because they're too attached.

    • 1
Oct 27, 2019

Grow up and quit acting like an overgrown child.

Oct 27, 2019

no

Oct 27, 2019

You're clearly not over her lol

    • 1
Oct 27, 2019

Just go get hammered then wake up and run it off. Run out your hangover and sorrows.

Or take a session on the heavy bag - my preferred method. Thai kicks alllllll day.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Oct 28, 2019

Don't forget the naked mirror selfies - those always help.

Omnia facit Voluntas - Will alone suceeds

Oct 28, 2019

Maybe you don't need to write her. Add her to your social media profile if she has one. Pictures speak louder than words. If you guys are on facebook, instagram or other. Put your story in there in pictures. Don't Text. You'll only bring back old memories.

Oct 28, 2019

Duuuude, that's not a good advice lol. I didn't send her any text because that would probably open a pandora box. I've realized that I need to be better for the sake of me, not because I want to make someone jealous. And my status does scorn her along the way, then great, if not, it doesn't matter and I'm not going to make any efforts. I just had that silly thought.

    • 1
Oct 28, 2019

Don't do it man. Trust me, she couldn't care less.
Move on, get shredded, defeat the Dragon Within, live your best life and forget that bitch.

Omnia facit Voluntas - Will alone suceeds

    • 1
Oct 28, 2019

Bro do you stop and tell homeless people they are homeless? Just keep walking and don't make eye contact.

Oct 28, 2019

lol best comment!

Oct 28, 2019

One last D!ck Pic. That's all.

Array

Oct 28, 2019

Nah bro

Oct 28, 2019

I'll echo everyone else's sentiment. I'm going through the same thing right now, and its definitely not worth giving her the satisfaction of you reaching out. Eventually she'll fade into time for you, and someday, you won't ever think of her. You'll grow stronger for it.

Like everyone said, another message is just opening a can of worms. My ex has continuously "reached out one final time" over and over and over for the better half of a year, its just an endless cycle when either party keeps dragging on the "goodbye".

    • 2
Oct 28, 2019
ForrestGump:

I'll echo everyone else's sentiment. I'm going through the same thing right now, and its definitely not worth giving her the satisfaction of you reaching out. Eventually she'll fade into time for you, and someday, you won't ever think of her. You'll grow stronger for it.

Like everyone said, another message is just opening a can of worms. My ex has continuously "reached out one final time" over and over and over for the better half of a year, its just an endless cycle when either party keeps dragging on the "goodbye".

How is Jen Nay these days?

Array

Oct 28, 2019

Unfortunately she passed away from aids related complications. She's out in the yard under a pile of small stones, i still visit her daily.

    • 2
Oct 28, 2019

just don't do it brother, it will only lead to further abrasion.

Oct 28, 2019

Just reiterating what's already been said, be the bigger, more mature, less petty person, move on and don't look back. She is part of your past and she is in your past. While you can't change the good or the bad that already occurred, you can change how you choose to exist from this moment on.

You've reconnected with things you enjoy. You've found someone that appreciates you and that you enjoy what they bring out in you.

Thinking that a final text, call, note, whatever, will give you some sort of sense of completion/closure/pick-your-label is a losing gaming - these things rarely fulfill us the way we'd like.

Look forward and move forward. Let her potentially discover your happiness and success on her own, not because you're sharing it with her.

You know deep down inside you that she doesn't deserve another moment of your time nor does she deserve to live rent-free in your mind in any way, shape or form. Fill your time and mind with things that will truly fulfill and please you and let her go fully and completely.

    • 3
Oct 28, 2019
Comment
Oct 28, 2019