Kill my cover letter (Spring week)
I just finished my 4th draft. (I will change the font later)
Here it is:
http://docdro.id/nsinXMN
And as always, please criticise it!
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Right now I don't like it. You need to tone down the exposition and limit your words to only those you absolutely need. Correct me if I am wrong but I got the impression you aren't a native English speaker.
For example; the fourth paragraph doesn't make sense they way it is now because the subject (abilities) isn't being preceeded by a reference to abilities.
The good news is that you're a freshman, tighten up your phrasing and you'll be fine.
You copy-pasted the M&I cover letter template.
Some sentences are poorly formulated, make a native English speaker read your cover letter.
And yes, the fourth paragraph does not mean anything.
By the way - you are not speaking of the company you are applying for, but you should. One piece of advice for you would be to cut one paragraph and replace it by a description of the reasons why you want to join the company. Otherwise it just seems as you send the same cover letter to everyone, which you shouldn't do. People tend to say that they don't matter, but in London the interviewer had my cover letter in front of him for most interviews.
Advice #2: In your paragraph about the company you apply for, be specific. Imagine you are applying for Goldman, you could say "Notably, your firm is known for its TMT practices [blablbal] and is trusted by its clients - this is probably why Goldman Sachs was hired as sole adviser for the Amazon - Whole Foods deal". Something with this structure always works (of course, write it in a more formal English); preferably choose a smaller deal that everyone will not mention, and be ready to discuss this deal in the interview.
I just finished my 4th draft. (I will change the font later)
Here it is: http://docdro.id/nsinXMN And as always, please criticise it!
You made no changes where it would matter the most.
Imagine how frustrating it would be for someone to manage you as their intern if you don't listen to criticism.
Forcing big words into your letter doesn't make you sound smarter.
The ideas are fine but you still haven't corrected the excessive prose.
Focus on simplicity.
I truly appreciate your advice. However, I have a hard time by understanding what you mean by "excessive prose", could you elaborate on that by giving me an example?
Push...
Too long
Why do you think so? What is an appropriate length?
I just updated my cover letter, here it is: http://docdro.id/nsinXMN
I know I Need to work on the language. But what could I Chance regarding the Content?
Just updated it.
Here it is: http://docdro.id/nsinXMN
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