Linkedin Profile - Pure Insanity

Through my many years of stalking linkedin, I have been in search of the perfect CV. At last, my quest comes to an end. I present to you, the ultimate linkedin profile:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jacob-c-christiansen-…

He is not the one applying to firms, firms apply to him

Normally I would say fake, but he is German so story checks out

 

This man has been in school for the past decade straight :o

I'm wondering how he did internships during the school-year while at Stanford at places with pretty defined/regimented programs (e.g. McKinsey Jan-March internship in London). Seems like he didn't take those semesters off as he finished on time.

Edit: He is also a (FT I assume) associate at Blackstone while pursuing a DPhil at Oxford?

 

Stanford runs on a quarter system similar to Dartmouth and Chicago, so that may have been a winter internship during his winter quarter there.

 

German people are stereotyped as very hard working. This comment was made in jest. By the way, you have clearly never met German IB hardos, truly something to behold.

 

He is doing the PhD in addition to being what we can assume a post MBA associate at BX. He took the same amount of years to become one as those that did The Path (6 years out of undergrad). He got literally the top education in business, law and engineering (ETH is an engineering school only, it is likely he was an engineering major at Stanford as well). He probably racked more than 4 years of experience across his stellar interships in the most competitive industries in the world (in consulting, investment banking, private equity, government positions, top tier us law firms , hedge funds and corporate development). To me at least, you could not craft a better story for any role in management, finance or law if you wanted to.

I halfway expect him to go for an MD degree at John Hopkins or something.

 

Sure, but in the end he's only going into one of engineering, business, or law. If he goes into business the time and money (3 yrs and a fuck ton of $) spent on the JD is a bit of a waste, same with the DPhil. He could have done the same thing without spending that time in not super relevant degrees and instead just gone straight to work where he was going -- more $, more relevant work exp, higher position. Similar if he goes into one of the other two.

There's no reason someone needs to have worked in both KKR and McKinsey really (except in niche cases) and whichever path he picks the time spent at the other place is a bit of a waste. I would not say it was a waste if he were 20 but he's 30 and 2/3 of his work experience will likely end up being irrelevant to what he does in the end. Is he really going to sell his KKR experience to a PE firm? Wouldn't it be better to sell more experience in finance?

It's also very unclear to me where he's headed/what he wants to do. Idk I'd be more impressed if he stuck with 1 thing (consulting, engineering, or law) and just had relevant experiences to that profession. Much harder imo to be a Partner at McK than an intern at McK, Apple, and Goldman.

If he went for the MD at Hopkins either he'd become a doctor and everything else was lowkey a waste (now he's just 10 years behind in getting past the shitty years and to a high paying job) or the MD is a waste of time/stress/money that is barely relevant to his job in law/finance/consulting.

 

Some of the groups he claims to have worked for didnt exist when he claimed to have worked there, and some of the academic details arent real things

But also, common sense.

 

I appreciate you taking the time to make this profile. you are a true scholar according to the linkedin. It's a damn shame I forgot I was logged in my linkedin, I'm such an amateur compared to this guy. Well played

 

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