Moving out Best Age

What is the latest age that it's acceptable to move out of your parents' house? Current female in mid 20s still living with parents, could probably buy a house if I stay home in a couple years, a lot later if I move out to rent. Thoughts?

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Comments (103)

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  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Nov 15, 2021 - 11:36am

I love the US and American culture, but their attitudes toward children and moving them out of their family homes are downright terrible and ass backwards. The idea that you must at 18 or 22 to live on your own or else you are deemed a loser is propaganda from landlords and utility companies. The amount of additional wealth you can capture from not having a third of your total pay vanish and having that grow early on is huge. 

Of course many people get jobs in cities where their parents are not located and this is completely fine. More so am speaking to the idea of kids feeling the need to leave or something when they can work remotely or within short commute. 

Maybe more of a conspiracy as well, but definitely feel like a lot of the mental health issues and unhappiness may stem from people being disconnected from the family units so early on. For thousands of years, we humans lived clustered with our extended families for a long time. Of course, this also assumes you have a stable and loving family.

Controversial
Nov 15, 2021 - 1:20pm

Tbh American culture kind of sucks when you compare to Asia / LA / Africa. It's overly focused on individualism (plotted on a global index, America is the most individualistic society on the planet today), big reason why loneliness / mental health issues are so high here (and skyrocketing over past few decades) as you point out. Didn't appreciate the value of being truly connected & supported when I was younger but as I've entered my mid-20s, have definitely grown a healthy appreciation for this

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  • Analyst 2 in IB - Cov
Nov 15, 2021 - 11:28pm

Trying to attribute skyrocketing mental health issues to…individualism? The US has always been individualistic. Where are those mental health issues at any other point in American history? Young Japanese men (not an individualistic country) commit suicide at an alarming rate. How do you explain that?

Seems like there are some other factors at play here.

Ps you can be individualistic and still be close to friends and family :)

  • Teller in PE - Other
Nov 16, 2021 - 1:59pm

Sequoia

Tbh American culture kind of sucks when you compare to Asia / LA / Africa. It's overly focused on individualism (plotted on a global index, America is the most individualistic society on the planet today), big reason why loneliness / mental health issues are so high here (and skyrocketing over past few decades) as you point out. Didn't appreciate the value of being truly connected & supported when I was younger but as I've entered my mid-20s, have definitely grown a healthy appreciation for this

WSO generalizations at their finest and all but am inclined to point out that mental health, especially among younger adults, in many East Asian countries is really rough and they consistently score far lower in "happiness" indices than the US.

Nov 17, 2021 - 12:52am

Totally agree with this. I have a friend who grew up in Dubai where people live with their full extended family in an apartment and it sounded like an amazing experience. Obviously Dubai is not the US, but it's unfortunate how we've designed our society to be sprawling suburbs with single family housing when that often destroys belonging and community for children and parents.

Nov 15, 2021 - 3:30pm

I love the US and American culture, but their attitudes toward children and moving them out of their family homes are downright terrible and ass backwards. The idea that you must at 18 or 22 to live on your own or else you are deemed a loser is propaganda from landlords and utility companies.

The idea of renting post-college while correlated with independence isn't exactly the same. In more conservative rural areas it's popular for people to marry their high school/college sweetheart and move into a small home/mobile house. 

The amount of additional wealth you can capture from not having a third of your total pay vanish and having that grow early on is huge. 

Of course many people get jobs in cities where their parents are not located and this is completely fine. More so am speaking to the idea of kids feeling the need to leave or something when they can work remotely or within short commute. 

As long as the kid has the financial ability to live alone I see this as a "different strokes for different folks" type of thing. I understand the idea of staying at home to save money, but let's not pretend there isn't a tradeoff with independence and adulthood that occurs. 

Maybe more of a conspiracy as well, but definitely feel like a lot of the mental health issues and unhappiness may stem from people being disconnected from the family units so early on

IDK man, I saw a lot more mental health issues posts on this website when WFH started and people moved back in with their parents. I also spoke to some MDs who were complaining about having to fight for WiFi with their kids and how they were ready to get back on the road. Again, I think this is going to just depend on the person, although I would note that living in the same city in another apartment is far from isolation.  

Array

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Nov 16, 2021 - 1:25am

Really? Well maybe those kids are lucky; for me, my mental health is deteriorating BECAUSE I get the great "luxury" to live with my parents. I can't wait to move out as soon as possible, and I couldn't care less about the cost.

Nov 16, 2021 - 12:16pm

It's a moment of cognitive dissonance. Once you accept that social norms only exist if we collectively accept them, you have the choice to consciously abide by them.

In my experience and observation, living on your own or moving out of your parents place is dependent on the circumstances. However, in reflecting back on my own life, I would have chosen to live with my parents out of school instead of picking up my own place; I just didn't have that option with the location of my career.

My brother did have that option, and ended up saving close to $100k in 2 years. He just bought a home, and I won't be able to buy home for another year or so.

  • Associate 1 in Acct - Other
Nov 17, 2021 - 11:50am

Sorry but I can't bring random girls home from bars and have loud raucous drunk sex with them while my parents are sleeping in the next room as a 25-year-old. 

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Cov
Nov 15, 2021 - 11:52am

I moved out as soon as I graduated highschool because I joined the Marines. It's a myth that young people immediately move away from their families in today's age. I can count on one hand the number of people who just up and moved away and stayed gone after highschool, including myself. Hell most of my highschool graduating class (1200+ students) never even left the state to go to college.If your talking about living alone post college I've found people's situations to vary greatly based on how social they are in college and the job they get post graduation. If one had a ton of friends in college, even if they didn't land a great job post grad, they will likley continue to live independently. The same for folks who land a good job that's far from where they grew up.Don't get me wrong though, I'm not endorsing this. The absolute best play, especially if your a male, is to make whatever decision will best effect your bottom line even if that means moving back in with your parents. You have to play the long game to be successful. Blowing away your money on dating and bars in your 20s while living with a house full of guys isn't worth it anymore, especially with online dating which I think adequately addresses one of the perceived drawback of living at home.One other point I will make though is that I think a lot of people's parents are pretty insufferable which drives a lot of folks to move out when their too young and not prepared and that sucks. I've found this to be especially true for parents of my generation (60-70s) who are still under the impression that one can simply just up and move to another city and live on their own without roommates like they could when they graduated college in the 70's/80's.

Nov 15, 2021 - 2:57pm

When you date, girls find it a red flag if you're living at home, and you probably won't have a long-lasting relationship with them

EDIT: I also want to add that no girl (of high value at least) will have a serious relationship with a guy who lives at home. Imagine when her friends ask her where he lives, oh he still lives at home with his parents. It's just embarrassing for her  

  • Analyst 3+ in RE - Comm
Nov 17, 2021 - 3:00pm

IMO blowing your money away on dating and bars and living in a house full of guys is just as worth it as it ever was, and your 20's are the only time that it's socially acceptable. What's a few extra bucks in your pocket if you're unhappy in your personal life? Chances are this would negatively affect your performance at work too.

Also, dating apps would only be useful if you're cool having your parents know everything that's going on in your dating life.

Nov 15, 2021 - 12:36pm

Yes, I think there is a great amount of life experience to be gained by moving out. You can set your own path and spread your wings.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • Intern in PE - Other
Nov 15, 2021 - 12:18pm

Personally I plan to move out after 1-3 years of having a "good" paying job. Would help tremendeously to save for a downpayment compared to live in an appartment. We live a bit outside the city center so it can be a hassle to go out, but I figured paying a few taxis every months is much cheaper than paying rent lol. I also have a great relationship with my parents and brother, so that obviously helps a lot.

Nov 15, 2021 - 12:26pm

I'm in the camp of "reject the premise of the question." You asked at what age it's acceptable - meaning you're looking at the value judgement of society on your actions. I don't think you're best served by having that be an input to your decision. thebrofessor had a good point - it depends on your near-term goals and how much you value independence. I'd add that it also depends on your relationship with your parents and their views on having you live with them.

If you are interested in the fast-track to financial independence, and your relationship with your parents is healthy and you can share a roof while maintaining some mutual boundaries, then I think you have a pretty clear answer.

"Son, life is hard. But it's harder if you're stupid." - my dad
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  • Associate 1 in RE - Comm
Nov 15, 2021 - 12:27pm

I believe that most move out after college, so early 20s, but this is something that differs for everyone and may be dependent upon whether or not you will be working immediately after graduating. I was desperate to leave when everyone else began their new jobs, but I realized that it wouldn't have benefited me since I didn't have a job secured and would risk the chance of needing to move again. Living at home can be difficult at this age, but when you move out, you (typically) won't ever go back, so it isn't the worst thing to spend more time with family. Look at it as free food and housing.

Nov 15, 2021 - 12:27pm

I think a lot of the stigma is warranted.  The people who raised you from when you are a baby will always see you as a child to some degree, and this can put a damper on a lot of things in your 20's from dating, sex, social life, etc.  Second off, let's be real, there are some smart kids who spend a few years with their parents to save their money, but most people who live with their parents do it because they don't have a choice, and people assume you fall into the later bucket.

I used to work 20 hour remote weeks and fuck around with neural networks, but if I worked 70-80 hour weeks like many on here I would want my time off to be the absolute best.  So I would avoid living at home at all costs.  It's a tradeoff: money vs social life, and I assume that bankers have a lot more of the latter.

Nov 15, 2021 - 12:35pm

The answer definitely depends if you're a guy or a girl.

If you're a guy and you want to pick up some chick and bring her home, usually bringing her back to the parent's house is a no go. It is generally deemed unattractive to chicks if you don't have your own place. You better have your own guesthouse or something.

Chicks on the other hand have greater ability to make it seem ok that they are living with their parents. It's less of a 'turn off' versus guys.

I'm just saying it how it is.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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  • 1
Nov 15, 2021 - 3:21pm

Spot on. Fair or not, men are expected to be able to both provide and have independence (aka can lead a family). If you are single at, say, 25+ and live at home - even with a valid reason - as a guy it will disqualify you as a partner with most high quality women. If you're a girl by and large it's overlooked. At a certain age it might sound weird but tbh I dated girls in their mid to late 20s before who lived at home and it didnt bother me, though was jealous of the amount they were saving 

Nov 15, 2021 - 3:36pm

Is it really overlooked as a girl? Most girls I know moved out at 18 or 22 (if they went to college in the same city). I would see it as a red flag that the girl can't even take care of basic tasks on her own. 

Array

Nov 15, 2021 - 3:07pm

You never did the laundry once at home? My parents made me do it once I was strong enough to lift the hamper. 

Array

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  • Principal in VC
Nov 15, 2021 - 1:07pm

OP, how do you personally feel about it? I think this question is more specific to an individual's circumstances vs just purely what society "expects". If you have a healthy relationship with your parents, and there's a lot of room (you're not cramping them or impacting their lifestyle), and you don't think it impairs yours, then it could be a pretty valid option that allows you to save up the money + examine your home purchasing options wit more time/flexibility.

From a "socially acceptable" standpoint… I do get the impression America has this aggressive view that one needs to be out of their parents house by a certain age (post-college). But, it feels like there's increasing acceptance away from that, post-pandemic. Also, it's common culturally some backgrounds (like Asians, Indians). Though, in those cases, there's also a potential expectation that you'll take care of your parents (relatively, more closely) when they're older…

Also… [Isaiah_53_5 💎🙌💎🙌💎] raised a fair point on potentially different views for men vs women. I think on average, women will get less scrutiny/challenges for living at home.

One consideration though, is there are potential learnings to be had living in your own prior to home purchase. It gives you an idea of what you would want to buy (apartment, house), potentially what you'd want to see in a neighborhood, and other criteria.

Nov 15, 2021 - 1:30pm

Bigger question to this post and forum.  How would a woman view a man caretaking their parent while they live with them (and it is not the parents place) in terms of dating?

I would say stay and save, it's more economical (but also) very dependent on the health of the relationship between the family members.  The savings is a huge thing, but also mental health is essentially important. 

  • Principal in VC
Nov 15, 2021 - 2:16pm

I would view it favorably / not be affected by it? Provided he's got his own career and is responsible with his finances, not sure why this might be an issue?

I suppose potential questions would be around if one's relatives are taking advantage of said individual (I.e., always asking to borrow money but not returning it). But I guess that's more a red flag on the individual's family/company, not the guy himself… That's a different question though (around if you will have terrible in law family, if the relationship gets serious, and if you want to deal with that jazz)

Nov 15, 2021 - 2:52pm

I would say in my situation - its more being depended upon.  I typically drive roughly 3/4 hours a day + a full time job schedule.  My day starts at 5:30 AM (wake up time) and I am in bed around 10-11 PM.  Have to take parent to places then drop them off, then go to work.  Come back in the evening for pickup + get dinner then get home.  

I would wager the question on availability and time commitment to said potential female partner.  I would feel it is unfair on my end of time commitment.

Nov 15, 2021 - 1:35pm

I think that depends on how eager your parents are to kicking you out. 20s is totally fine. These days it's tough with the home prices. I've seen a couple where the girl moved out for a few years, but moved back in with the bf turned fiancé turned husband for almost half a year before they found a place and finally moved out. As for societal stigma, fuck that. Everyone has a different story - it's no one's business but yours. Glad you're thinking ahead though.

VP
  • 1
Nov 15, 2021 - 1:47pm

Moved out a couple months ago - it's much better for my mental health. I lived at home for almost two years after graduating college - this allowed me to save a lot of money, but it also meant I had no time to do anything after commuting 2 hours a day. I don't regret living at home, but things such as getting laid and staying out late doing hoodrat shit were much more difficult.

I valued establishing a personal safety net large enough to where I could quit my job for a couple years and have no financial worries over doing hoodrat shit. Now that I have that safety net, I'm doing stupid shit all the time and don't feel bad about it.

Nov 15, 2021 - 2:12pm

I currently live at home, and this is something I can actually understand. 

I currently live with my parents, and while saving money is nice, it hasn't been the best for my social situation or mental health. I have no boundaries at all in my home and this alone is tough. I can't sit around in peace without my folks wondering why I am sitting inside studying the CFA instead of helping them get groceries. 

Additionally, I do appreciate the food, shelter, and care they give me, but at the same time, I don't want them driving me home after having a few drinks (they get worried I won't be able to drive if I have any alcohol still at 22). 

Lastly, doing things socially is hard, since I effectively have to clear everything I do with them first. I can't just come and go as I please; they have to know first. I get that they are worried, and that being worried is their job as parents, but at the same time, I'm 22 years old and know I won't die just by going outside. 

I get that I do owe them something for living in their house, like taking care of my space and doing my own laundry and helping make dinner, etc. but at the same time, I can't help but think how much easier my life would be if I could just do these things on my own, even if it meant giving away 1/3 of what I currently make. 

I'm debating moving out pretty soon after ~6 months living at home. Curious about what people think. 

Nov 15, 2021 - 3:06pm

100% can relate to everything you said. For me, I was sick and tired of the commute and of my parents telling me to do this or that when it came to little things. The biggest reason I didn't move out sooner was my dog - I still drive home every weekend to see him. My parents would be like "oh kootcapital69 will be home to watch the dog" and then this came to me watching the neighbor's dog. I was basically a fallback plan so my parents could go do stuff.

Living alone (well I do have a roommate) allows me to do what I want when I want. My commute to work went from anywhere between 45 minutes to 2 hours (Atlanta traffic) to less than 10 with traffic.

My parents' house was pretty huge for 3 people. I had a whole finished basement to myself and my parents paid for everything but my gas.

Nov 15, 2021 - 3:16pm

So wholesome.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Nov 15, 2021 - 3:28pm

A lot of internet losers will cope and say something like being 28, 29, etc. is fine because they dont want to face the difficult reality that they failed to launch as human beings. Fact is until you move out you are absolutely stunting your own personal development and growth as a human. Now is it worth delaying that growth for a few years to save money/pay off student loans? That's up to you to decide. IMO if you have student loans then 1-3 years at home to aggressively pay them off is a good thing and worth it. But I know people who will overextend this quite a bit and save just a ton of money up until they are like 30 at the expense of everything else.

At that point the life experience you are trading off isn't worth the monetary gain. You need to be able to learn to fend on your own. Cooking, shopping for groceries, chores, paying own bills, living by yourself, etc. You also need to be your own man (or woman) to truly walk around the world shoulders back and stare it into the eye. Anyone I find out that they live at home past 25 I automatically question - and once that number hits 30+ you reach major fucking loser status. You are allowed one slip up (divorce, job loss, bankruptcy, etc.) that could require you to live with your parents briefly, but you should be doing everything in your power afterwards to go out on your own.

Just 2 cents. Tough love. If you can afford it then do it. 

Nov 15, 2021 - 3:33pm

This comment is accurate af - I lived at home for a little over 2 years after I graduated college, but I had graduated early so I'm only 23. It was difficult planning dates and such because I'd have to drive into the city but make sure I didn't drink too much if I had to drive home after (not paying for an hour long Uber). Now, since moving out, I can party my ass off and clap cheeks

Nov 15, 2021 - 3:37pm

When it comes to scoring chicks logistics is the least talked about component. Know a few guys who struggle because they live in the suburbs where a 'fun date' is outback steakhouse.

Live downtown in a nice area walkable to bars, restaurants, etc. Being able to meet a girl out or go on a date down the street and play the "want to have a drink at my place?" card is clutch. Bonus points if good view, or roof top, or decent sized apartment, etc.

Clap those cheeks brother. 

  • VP in IB - Gen
Nov 15, 2021 - 7:59pm

Woah man, just take it easy! Not everyone grew up in the streets of Afghanistan or hates their family, ya know?

I'm 33 and own my condo in a posh suburb of a tier 1 city. Purchased it when I was 28. But to be honest, I'm home with my parents/siblings most weekdays anyway. 

Unless I have a booty call, it gets boring quick to be home alone. 

Everyone is different. Do what makes sense for you. One of my siblings, who's 23 and pulls six figures, is still living at home. He pays rent to our parents. In exchange, he saves money on utilities, property tax and other non-productive expenses. He'll also be student debt free in the next year or so. 

Logistics haven't been an issue for me in years, thanks to an invention called "Uber". Being in the suburbs gives me a reason to have a car, so I don't mind traveling or even picking people up. 

Nov 16, 2021 - 9:50am

Is your brother getting laid? Doubt it

But in all seriousness - There's a difference again between saving money for a few years and stunting adulthood / depriving yourself of experiences. Money isn't everything in life, at some point living at home and saving isn't worth it, even though you could do it until 40 if you wanted.

  • Analyst 2 in AM - FI
Nov 15, 2021 - 9:55pm

Mid 20's just like you and still live at home. It saves $1.5-2k / month. Gf is still in school, long distance at that, this makes it significantly easier. Have enough to get a decent house or nice condo and will shortly following her graduation. One of my parents had a big health scare recently, incredibly thankful for this extra time with them. Wouldn't change a thing for the world. Although contrarian to the norm, especially our parents generation... in this current market, I think it makes tons of sense. Wish you well.

Nov 16, 2021 - 4:13am

Where I'm from (not US) it's normal for people to move out when they're 18-19, maybe even 16 if they have to attend high-school out of state. It's also not unusual to become a home-owner during your college years, or within a couple of years of graduation.

With that said, I think that if it makes financial sense to stay home, go for it. The money you can save/invest in your youngest years, are those that most likely will yield the best returns in the long run...

Nov 16, 2021 - 11:41am

I did it for 9 months after graduating as that was the max amount of time I could last. It sucked watching my friends enjoy the cities they moved to while I was reduced to sleeping on their couches while not being interesting to any girl I met while living in my parents' basement. My parents are great but it felt suffocating for a variety of reasons. 

My goal was to eliminate a fat chunk of my student loan debt and saved something small, like $15k. Was it worth it in hindsight? Maybe. Like other responses, I'd say set a goal and take advantage of your flexibility when you do look to move out. 

Nov 16, 2021 - 1:59pm

First gen American from Europe here so living at home was encouraged. Just signed my first lease at 26, albeit got a great deal in a rent controlled unit so I'll still be saving some. Felt a bit ashamed at staying home for a while but now looking back I realized how lucky I was. If OP doesn't have issue with parents and is happy at home then I don't see why not stay and buy the house later… or even just use the money to invest for a nest egg. 

  • Associate 1 in IB - Cov
Nov 16, 2021 - 6:45pm

IDGAF what anyone else in this thread said.  If you're still living at home at 25+ (aside from some type of financial difficulty) you're a loser.  Legit wouldn't be able to take you seriously about anything to do with life.  If I found out a subordinate was still living at home it would reflect negatively on them.  It is what it is grow up kids.  

Nov 16, 2021 - 8:07pm

I moved out when I was 17, why because I wanted my independence.

SafariJoe, wins again!
Nov 17, 2021 - 3:56pm

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