My husband hate the way I dress

harshbask's picture
Rank: Baboon | banana points 113

"Are you sure you're wearing that?" These very words from my hubby make me uncomfortable and he is starting to get into my nerves and it is affecting my self-esteem. I used to have no problem with office attire, and I never changed my style. I am confused and don't know where he's nasty comments about the way I dress now is coming from.

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Comments (28)

Funniest
Jul 28, 2018

Why don't you fucking ask him and see what he says?

    • 19
Jul 28, 2018
vik2000:

Why don't you fucking ask him and see what he says?

JFC this. He's a man. Just ask him and stop trying to dance around it. You're just going to cause more stress and your husband is going to wonder wtf your problem is. My girlfriend of many years has yet to learn that men want straight-talk and it just raises my blood pressure.

Jul 30, 2018

Men are said to always do things for obvious reasons... I'm wondering what that obvious reason is...
if I'm going to base it on how he would sometimes ignore me when I ask him why and just gives hurtful comments when he feels like it... does it mean he does not like me anymore?

Jul 30, 2018

@vlk2000 I once tried asking him why but he just gave me a cold shoulder... and it made me more confused

Aug 2, 2018

Lol she's afraid to ask because somewhere in a chick's programming lies a mega-fear of rejection.

Work hard, work clean, & most of all do not give up.

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Jul 30, 2018
harshbask:

"Are you sure you're wearing that?" These very words from my hubby make me uncomfortable and he is starting to get into my nerves and it is affecting my self-esteem. I used to have no problem with office attire, and I never changed my style. I am confused and don't know where he's nasty comments about the way I dress now is coming from.

this piece of prose is simply amazing

    • 2
Jul 30, 2018

Dear Penthouse

    • 3
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Jul 30, 2018

Actually, I was trying to get others opinion and people who could help me with my problem. I don't want to ruin our relationship just because of petty things like the way I dress. I could change but I want to know where he is coming from. I want to make him talk to me about his issues, and one advice I get is to visit a website named [cannot crosslink] , which I am considering because I am willing to try anything that could help us.

Most Helpful
Jul 30, 2018

If you don't wish to attempt a direct answer from him, or at least counter his questions with one of your own like "Care to suggest something else for me to wear?"... then maybe try to gather some information from him indirectly.

You say that your style has never changed. Has anything else changed? Your weight gone up or down? Change in hair color or hair style? Had a baby? Health changes? Surgery? Do you have adult children and became grandparents recently?

Has he ever complimented your outfits? If he hasn't complimented you recently, then did he in the past? Try and recall when any nice things were said and for what - was it when you wore florals or a certain solid color or a pantsuit or a dress?

Do you two ever go shopping together? If it's not something you ordinarily do, then see if it's something he's open to. Go out together, try something on and ask his thoughts or at the very least, point items out in the store and say something like "I was thinking the other day, that I don't have any green/short sleeve/skirt/dress/etc. What do you think of this for me?" Don't just ask if he likes something - put it in his head that you are asking HIS opinion of how HE thinks something might look on HIS bride. Engage him in a way that he can't just give you a flat yes or no. You need to ask questions where he'll elaborate and give you some detail as to where his head is at [such as does he think that you're dressing too old or too young for your age possibly? I mentioned above if you two are old enough to have adult kids and you recently became grandparents - you would be amazed at the mental connections that some men make in regards to a woman's behavior and appearance after they have a child of their own or when becoming a grandmother... it's like sort of a weird continuation of the Madonna-whore complex.]

If your husband isn't into going to the mall with you, then I would suggest you shop alone, buy a few items and then try on the items for him when you are both home. Again, don't just ask him "do you like this?" - tell him "I remember you used to love that blue dress with the v-neck - what do you think of this? Do you think it's as flattering or is the skirt too long?"

My husband and I often hit the stores together. He enjoys selecting my work clothes and very often finds things that I might not otherwise consider if I were shopping alone. He understands my tastes and preferences [I really don't like pants much, I don't do pantsuits and I have a difficult time finding jeans that I find flattering - but whenever I do track down jeans, I make an effort of wearing them when he's around.] That being said, I think it's far more important to dress to please yourself. But if you are part of a pair and they react to your appearance [reactions can be good or bad, but obviously we'd like it to be good]... communication is as important as trying to please them as best as you can manage, based on the circumstances [I have a number female friends who cry about how nothing/rarely something they wear gets any response from their men or they, like you, only hear criticisms and no solutions/suggestions].

Quick-ish aside to the menfolk of WSO... I know and appreciate you are all tough, thick-skinned, successful AF bro-heims of the banking and finance universe, where often the loudest or most blunt route is the best, where everything can be incredibly black and white but come on, we are adults here. Offer some advice, don't browbeat people asking for it. If you think this thread is a waste of your time, then read something else. We're supposed to be a community here to answer questions and aim towards [mostly] thoughtful discussions. I'm relatively new here, but unless OP is a troll, I really don't get where the snark and animosity is coming from.

OP, only you know how best to avoid or bring up a touchy issue in your relationship - it's an immensely personal thing, your physical appearance and it's an incredibly emotional thing too, wanting to look your best, whether for yourself, your mate and/or for how you present yourself to the world... even moreso when your mate is making you doubt yourself.

Good luck and keep us posted.

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Jul 30, 2018

Key question: who has a better sense of what style is most appropriate for your career?

My personal answer without hesitation,"My wife does!" In addition to having great style, she's got a fundamental understanding of male executive fashion. She started learning this at a young age from my father-in-law (retired CEO of two different NYSE companies) and further refined her perspective as a strategy consultant at Bain & Co.

In many marriages, there is a tension between what one spouse would like to see personally, and what's best for the other spouse professionally. If your trusted friends at work agree that you have "no problem at with office attire," you might want to bring that into the discussion at home.

Aug 7, 2018

Do you still have balls or does your wife just keep them in her purse?

Jul 30, 2018

You should definitely talk to him about it. Let him know his comments are painful.

Also, go and see a dressing type stylist at a Nordstrom or other reputable store. They'll certainly give you advise.

    • 1
Aug 1, 2018

just talk to your husband that what kind of dresses wearing he like.check which type of outfit is suitable for your body type.

Aug 1, 2018

I can only assume this is an arranged marriage? This sounds like exactly zero conversations i've ever had.

    • 7
Aug 2, 2018
DickFuld:

I can only assume this is an arranged marriage? This sounds like exactly zero conversations i've ever had.

ok cool, I'm not the only one who thought this

    • 1
Aug 2, 2018

does this look too slutty?
does this look awkward for my body type?
does this make my cleavage look good/bad?
is this too short?
is this too tight?
does this make my fat look too visible?

etc...you got to ask specific questions if you want to know...

just google it...you're welcome

Aug 2, 2018

The trick on dressing to impress is a meat suit! Worked for Lady Gaga.

Aug 2, 2018

Sounds like one of those guys who would have a lot of opinions during wedding planning. Can't trust guys like that.

Aug 2, 2018

I dont understand why you would ask a forum of people instead of the person you sleep next to everynight....

Aug 2, 2018

Did this start happening recently? Try to remember- see if anything happened around the time that he started cold-shouldering you. Otherwise, @InfoDominatrix pretty much nailed it.

Aug 2, 2018

Trunkclub is your friend. This whole thread is incredibly strange, but given you reference to not changing your style, my guess is that you aren't very fashion forward. There are now services, like trunkclub, that can help you with profession advice.

Aug 2, 2018

Maybe post pics of the outfits in question where you got the comments? You don't need to model them. Just lay them out.

Aug 2, 2018

I've said similar things to women before. It's fun to see how many times you can get them to change in one day.

Me: Is that what you're wearing?
Girl: Yes, why?!?!
Me: Oh nothing. Nevermind.

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Aug 2, 2018

post pics here so we can judge instead of hubby

Aug 3, 2018

I read this topic title as if an asian woman spoke it. "my husband... hate..."
not sure if this is a typo, but i am seeing an increasing adoption of the migrant asian spoken english into text.

You asian, OP?

    • 1
Aug 7, 2018

He doesn't hate how you dress.
He hates (the fact that) you dress.*

*assuming you have a nice body.

    • 1
Sep 18, 2018

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.