Started to date a girl BUT HUGE Problem
So I met this girl on tinder, initially it was casual but it grew into something real over the last 2-3 months. She is great but of course it is still early. The conversation went like this:
She: "So what do your parents do?"
Me: "Mine are in blah, blah blah, how about you?"
Her: "My dad is in blah, blah blah, and my mum actually is an MD at where you work"
Me: "Oh really? What's her name?"
Her: "XYZ"
Me: *I panic "Oh don't think I work with her"
XYZ is my MD. THIS IS NOT A JOKE, one of my MDs. I don't work with her directly often, but she knows who I am. She hasn't told her parents she's dating someone yet, but she seems pretty keen to introduce me. What do I do? I read some joke on this here, but I do need genuine advice, she is a great person but am I risking my career?
This is how careers are made.
"Mummy, can you promote my baby pls.."
This is also how careers are destroyed
.
time to put on a show my boy
Show me the way master Jedi.
If you like to shit where you eat then go for it
What about eating where you shit?
What about eating your shit?
That's how you get the A2A promotion in 1 year
We’re about to see the first ever A -> VP
You joke but the bank I was interning at, the CEO (smallish boutique at the time) was sleeping with an intern a couple years ago. The intern went from intern -> VP in 3.5 years, married rich (to a different banker) and retired at like 27 to be a fulltime trophy wife. The CEO eventually stepped down and the bank quietly cut ties with him
Be respectful to her daughter and you'll be fine. Don't cheat on her or do anything that's character destroying. Parents understand it doesn't always work out if you guys do break up, just don't be a dick. If you see a real future with this girl, great. If not, don't string it along.
wise words from the intern.
young lads are maturing faster than us these days..
And in all seriousness, a sprinkle of nepotism really can't hurt here. If things go well and it becomes serious, potential marriage material, having her mum like you as a person AND like you as an employee is a one-way track to success. Make sure you're both. No one likes the incompetent boyfriend or the ambitious asshole. Impress her on both fronts.
I generally agree with this, but I would add that you have to carefully consider the type of girl you're dealing with. It's hard to tell until you go through it, but there are some girls out there who just plain do not handle break ups well under any circumstances, which could lead to a bad situation.
Take a hard look at the time you've spent with her for any red flags or any instances in which she has been irrationally unreasonable. This could very easily take a turn for the worse, but again - i generally agree that you should pursue this thing if you like the girl and it's a good situation.
This is assuming his MD is a rational person..
My friend I see a promotion opportunity on your horizon
Also: Which one is hotter?
Young man, I don't speak of such horrific... the daughter, tho...
Should help prevent complications if the daughter is hotter
Welcome to the big leagues, kid
If you don't end up dating the daughter, mind passing the number along?
For some reason the idea of being a career banker now seems much more appealing
Get your own MD GF
Honestly if anything it probably softens her mom (your MD)up on you a bit. In my experience, the girlfriend's mom always loves you as long as your respectful and polite and make her daughter happy. Now if it were her dad, then you'd likely be fucked.
Just be super, extra, extra cautious not to piss her off by being a scumbag. I'd also talk to the daughter about it and tell her your angst; guarantee she'll put your mind at ease and be able to broach the subject more gently with her mom than if you let them both figure it out together by happenstance.
Real talk though, rumors get around the office. Did you ever brag about any crazy things to your other analysts that might've gotten back to your MD? People gossip, and it might not be a good look if your MD heard stories about you getting into some molly-driven sex romp at Carnival when you were taking PTO.
OP here. No I keep personal life things to myself, not a fan of gossip
Clearly
Smash her, preferably with the lads in her office:
Bonus points if the mom’s in the conference room
Mate you just set yourself for life. Congrats, and fuck you.
Never happened
I choose not to believe anyone can be this lucky
All I have got to say is don't do stupid shit to the girl. If you try to make it long term you will always feel the lesser halve and you will tread carefully because of who her mother is. Her mother as MD gives your GF too much leverage in the relationship.
I wouldn’t follow any of the below advices. First thing that ppl will say once the story is known of the floor will be “he’s having an easy life just because he’s banging xyz’s daughter”.
Talk to your gf and ask her to wait to introduce you to her parents, keep the story for yourself and move to the Buyside asap. Only bad things can come out of this situation imo
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Was in this situation back in my IB years except genders reversed (dating son whose father was an MD). Honestly, i just treated him nicely and our relationship was pretty good. Didn't earn any major brownie points with the MD but ig it did slightly help because it showed I had a personality outside the office and wasn't just faking it for work.
She better be an equestrian too.
This is an ideal situation.
So what her parents are in the finance industry. For your own sense of self-respect and pride, I WOULD NOT EVER ASK ANY FAVOR OF HER PARENTS...
HELL I DON'T EVEN ASK MY PARENTS OR FAMILY FOR HELP (even though that option has been there, I don't want to come across as someone who got nepotism-ed in). Whenever it's been offered, I feel terrible about taking it up and as if I am trying to take advantage of someone.
I am surprised that people have the balls or vaginas to do this. Go Do It Yourself. You get more respect that way.
Ok but…how’s the sex?
Better than getting fucked by her MD mom’s comments on 3 AM Saturday.
It’s all funny but no offense, pussy move on saying you don’t work with her mom. Easy enough for her to find out if you work with/under her mom. Need a solid come back on that one.
well OP did mention "I don't work with her directly often, but she knows who I am" in intro post, so depending on how you read that statement, OP was being truthful to his girl
Her mom single?
Have to work late and cancel a date, blame her mom. She gets angry at her mom, mom then ensures you never work late again to keep her daughter happy.
Positive feedback loop. Love it
Make sure you lateral/quit for buyside before if you ever break up with her
Give us an update?
Uhm, none as of yet
Date the mom too, problem solved
Congrats. You stumbled into the path to the top. Wife her up.
Bro 💀💀. That’s tragic. Your best bet is to ask someone at your firm, preferably someone in upper manager that knows her and that you trust, to give you some guidance. As long as there are no weird age difference or other social taboo there shouldn’t be any “big” issues IMO. But, ig it depends on how important girl is and if the risk to reward scenario is worth it. Either way, you break her heart she might be telling her mom about you either way.
You are lucky her dad wasn't the MD instead
Pretty sure this is how to get yourself on the partner track. Absolute W
Figure out if she is a head case. Maybe she hunts for young analysts at her Mom's firm because she likes to tourment them? Anything that wiffs of her being a psycho and avoid her.
Then, can you be an nice guy? If "yes" to both go for it. But if you are a typical guy and treat her like a sandwich making life support system for a hole then don't date her. Only nice guys dating solidly normal rational chicks can get away with dating the bosses daughter.
Of course if you plan to leave leave the firm soon then her mental frailty is of no concern to you (may make it spicier and more interesting) and if you are up for a romping good bridge burning episode then party her hard on your way out the door.
This is the way
This is the way
Be a gentlemen in all instances and you'll be 100%%%
Own up to it, fast. You are putting the MD in a bad position if it’s later found out that you were dating (or dated) her daughter and she (the MD) didn’t disclose it. And these things usually come out. There would probably be a whole conflicts of interest investigation into whether she knew, when she knew, what assignments or other perks you got (if any), what your ratings were etc. Seems like it wouldn’t be anyone else’s business but she might have to self disclose it and would be pissed to find out, because she will, that you didn’t disclose it to her or the IB. She’ll definitely be mad you did not tell her daughter and wonder what else you’re lying to her daughter about. And own up fast to the girlfriend-tell her you panicked. These things do not age well. And you will not look good. Before anyone laughs at this advice … this advice is coming from a former employment lawyer for an IB.
Not necessarily a bad thing. Had a friend who was with this girl since like 2nd year of high school and her father was the senior partner of one of the biggest law firms in my town. They have been together for like 10 years during which he went to law school and after he finished, his gf's father took him in his firm and he is now happy to be there and he is a having a pretty fast tracked career
I had a similar situation recently where I was dating the commodity PM's daughter at my old fund. We met through mutual friends, hit it off and started dating. She's a medical doctor and wasn't really interested in my work or markets for that matter so her dad's work never entered the conversation. She briefly mentioned he worked in "oil" - lol. Things started getting serious and the time came for dinner with the parents. We went over to the parent's house for dinner, but only the mom was home at the time. The dad had been playing golf with some mates earlier. After greeting the mom, the daughter moved into the kitchen to help with dinner. I was left alone in the dining room and the analyst in me began to start curiously looking around the house. I still remember this hair raising moment to this day. Something caught my eye. It was a family picture resting on a shelf above the fireplace. I moved closer and and saw the dad in the photo. I thought to myself, "No fucking way". Bear in mind he had a reputation for being a real asshole in the office. I was praying he was a distant cousin. I called the daughter from the kitchen and asked her who this was in the photo. She replied "Oh that's my dad, why do you ask?" I muttered, "Fuck me". Then proceeded to tell her that he is a PM at my fund. She thought the coincidence was hilarious. I was seriously sweating balls at this point. About 15 min later, he walked in the door. He was wrecked from drinking. He greeted his wife and daughter then turned to me and his eyes widened and nostrils flared like a bear about to fuck up a deer. He said "This is a pleasant surprise". Definitely was not. The mom and daughter returned to the kitchen. The dad ushered me into his study. Poured two stiff double Jamesons, neat. He then said "So you're fucking my daughter?" I responded, "I would say we are seeing each other". He then laughed and said "welcome to the family". I thought to myself, "what the fuck is going on". Anyway, we proceeded to have dinner. The conversation was fairly amicable, but I was slamming back doubles which did help. We left shortly after and I was pretty hammered, so I slept in the Uber and crashed as soon as I got home. Next Monday I entered the office expecting things to be very fucking weird. They were but not how I expected. The dad now told everyone he has a new "son-in law". He was singing my praises even though our work hardly overlapped. I shortly received an offer from a boutique HF shop, which was a god send. The dad was initially disappointed but supported my decision to leave. Five months later and I am still dating the daughter. Things are going well and the dad and I have a fairly decent relationship.
Anyways, I would say roll with it. Mom's are generally more relaxed and if you treat the daughter well she will be happy. Bonus if you're good at your job as her backing will likely accelerate your career.
Weird times indeed
That's amazing
Similar situation. I matched and went out with the daughter of come to find out the former CEO of one of the largest banks in the world. Needless to say she just so happen to have internships that would make the sweatiest target school brown mouths jealous.
Treat her with respect and make a character judgement about her before you move along. Is she the type to hold a grudge or say something to her mom if things don’t end amicably?
Is this seriously someone you could see yourself with for a long time?
If not you can always try and be friends which carries much less risk.
I wish I could say you could treat her with the same courtesy and respect as any other girl. But you can’t, you will always have her parents in mind when you think the relationship is doing poorly. Unfortunately her parents position is one that will always hanging over you for as long as you know her. Better or for worse.
Good Luck
Update us when you break up. Keen to see the fallout.
Also curious on the dad. Who tf would marry a female lifer in IB?
What's wrong with a female lifer in IB?
Who would want a chick got worn out by 80-100 hrs work week lifestyle?
Even if she's hot when she starts, will no longer be perky after a few years getting slammed with IB hours.
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