So no one is returning your sad, sappy, suck up emails? People think you are cold calling for girl scout cookies? Well man the f*ck up and lets trick someone into reading your resume. Don't bother with this unless your resume is stellar, not because it wont work, but because you probably aren't smart enough to get the job anyway. I had aMD tell me this while I was doing 2 years ago...
1. Print your resume on paper that would give Patrick Bateman a hard on
- Go to the Fed-Ex store and secure the most bad-ass looking padded over-sized Priority Overnight envelope you can get your hands on. Insert your resume like, a metaphor for penis entering into a vagina.
- Figure out an address to send this thing to so it will be slammed down on said MD's desk like it was (and probably is) the most important thing he will ever read. If you don't have one, fucking find it: here are some tips. Address in his email signature, call and ask a secretary where to send a very important priority document if you need it to get to said-MD. Send it to the group - attn: MD name, analyst will not think twice about throwing it on his desk. Google..etc.
- Send it on a Friday. He will see it on his desk Monday morning and think "Oh shit a client sent docs over the weekend. This must be do or die. Who would spend money on priority overnight (or paper) unless it was important - I better look at this now."
- He slides open the envelope to see a resume and EXTRAORDINARY cover letter. At first he is mad because you took him to school - and then laughs because your balls are so huge. Now he remembers you sent him an email a week ago, AND THIS MORNING reminding him that you are interested in talking to him about his super successful career.
- Secure interview, and get ready for a shitty job.