Where do you find quality women to seriously date?

Im sorry its another dating thread, but where tf do you find quality women to seriously date? And by quality I mean the following:

  1. Athletic

  2. Educated 

  3. Caring

  4. Reasonably well off family 

  5. Good Personality

  6. Likes classical music and arts 

Am I looking for an unicorn here? I have tried the gym, but it gets awkward fast. Dating apps (lol who am I kidding). Work place no go, can't stand lawyers. Im also in a triathlon club, but most of the decent chicks are all either in LTRs or married. And my friends are all lawyers, so are theirs, its fucked.

Im thinking more like meeting dentists or doctors in general or chicks in marketing/event management or something like that. You know, the kind that has some money but also time and not too domineering. 

Where did you meet your SO @older users?

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Comments (96)

Nov 20, 2021 - 8:08am

As Usher said, gotta find love in the club.

In all seriousness, I had a drink with Brian, the host of the Great Love Debate, about 6 years ago in NYC.  His honest advice after doing show after show and hearing testimonial after testimonial...church.  

https://www.greatlovedebate.com/

Array

  • 1
  • Analyst 3+ in RE - Comm
Nov 20, 2021 - 9:44am

How was your experience meeting girls in gym? This is where I'm trying to start focusing my efforts...I have to believe the chicks at Equinox check most of the boxes you listed. 

Most Helpful
Nov 20, 2021 - 10:03am

I'm not the target demographic you're asking for as I'm early-mid 20's, but I can speak to my experiences in the modern dating world.

Dating apps aren't complete trash, but I'd argue 95% of girls on them belong to the streets. Below are a couple of recent stories showcasing the opposite ends of the spectrum:

Last night, I grabbed dinner with a girl who recently moved to my city. She has a masters degree and a legit job in the medical field. Didn't have any red flags, and she drove 25 minutes to see me. Her dad was in the Navy for 25 years and she's going back to her hometown this weekend to see her parents. Not a supermodel but pretty cute. We talked for about 2 hours and have plans to meet up again. This is one of the rarer girls you'll find on a dating app.

Now, let's discuss Thursday night. Match with a senior at a large state school who is finishing up her last semester online. Text throughout the day and she says to get dinner with her and her friends at The Cheesecake Factory. I say no, pick me up some baked rigatoni and I'll see you after. Come 10pm I head to her place - she puts on Squid Game but the English dubbed version then proceeds to give me shitty head for 10 minutes. I leave and take my rigatoni with me.

Girl #1 is someone I can possibly see myself pushing for a relationship for. She has an advanced degree which shows she's not an idiot, and she lives in a cheaper 1br near her office. Also has good style.

Girl #2 is a thot and lives in a 2br/2ba with no roommate and a dog. Her living room was decorated with a glowing Gucci sign and a Louis Vuitton bag sitting on a shelf. Also had a nose ring (aka she's a thot).

I found both these girls on Tinder. Bumble is absolute trash as girls rarely message first, leading to the time expiring. Hinge used to be solid for me but I'm shadowbanned so haven't used it in a while. My belief is that dating apps are good to get your dick wet, but finding a girl you'd actually date is highly unlikely if you have any ounce of self-respect or any moral standards.

Regarding finding chicks at the gym, I lift at my office and my apartment. Both gyms have a few baddies, but I don't like to talk to people at the gym. I'm there to lift, not socialize.

The dilemma seems to be that finding girls you have no connection with (mutual friends, family friend, etc.) to date seems almost impossible without using dating apps or social media to make that quick intro, but almost all the girls there are thots. I rarely go to church nowadays, but I do think that's one place you can meet a woman with morals who is worthy of dating.

Dating is a numbers game, and to maximize the amount of potential partners by minimizing the likelihood they're a thot, you've gotta put yourself in social situations that attract these girls. Like you said, a lot of the girls in the triathlon group are already cuffed. That's a good sign imo - maybe they can introduce you to a friend if they think you're worthy.

I do see the double standard - I've been a whore myself yet want a girl who doesn't act how I do, but I don't care. I refuse to date a thot. In the meantime, I'll keep lifting and improving myself every day. The average male is a disgrace - keep widening the gap between yourself and the competition and you'll find someone eventually.

Also, regarding what I just said: rather than comparing yourself to the competition, focus on how the you today compares to the you of yesterday. Focus on what you can control, and for stuff that happens outside of your control, focus on how you react to it.

Thanks for coming to my latest Ted Talk. I'm off to fuck up some pancakes

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Nov 22, 2021 - 8:53am

His dick and his tummy both got fully Rigged, sounds like a solid Thursday night. Congrats and I wish you two all the happiness in your future together 

Nov 20, 2021 - 5:24pm

Subscribe to a pretty nice gym (Equinox) or country club, where the affluent / educated go.

Go to a cycle / yoga class regularly on saturday or sunday mornings. Be friendly and become friends with other regulars and class instructor (but NOT to get into their panties - that part comes later).

Use your social equity in this space to approach/flirt with other girls that seem to be interested, with the regulars/instructor on your side and your friendship with them helping any new girl ver that you arent a creep.

Your pool will be checks who are:

-educated

-affluent

-active

-not trash (they arent hungover sleeping from the night out before)

- young

center ring bullseye 

Nov 21, 2021 - 4:31pm

SB'd.

OP this advice is pretty spot on. If you want a good girl, know that one won't just sleep with you on the spot and true healthy dating takes time. Both parties should not rush to sleep with each other and should strive to get to know each other first. Emotional connection first, sex after. If you want sex first and emotional connection after, chances are she's not a good girl to begin with.

Nov 22, 2021 - 9:31am

Just signed up for the free first class for 2 different cycle bars, a boxing class, OTF class, and another gym package. Gonna see if I like the vibe of these places and might buy into an actual package.

I lift a ridiculous amount (probably too much) already so adding this social element to my life might be fun

Nov 22, 2021 - 9:31am

I lift regularly as well, and while I enjoy it - it's no doubt a mostly isolating hobby (which is fine, it's my way to decompress a bit) 

Definitely check them out and see how you vibe / the type of people you get along with. Not that you are asking for advice but if I was to give it it would be as with any activity don't go there for the sole purpose of meeting women, chicks can smell that a mile away, but that 100% can be a byproduct. Focus mainly on being social , friendly, etc. to everyone (that old lady, the fat dude, etc.) and go to enough classes you will become a regular and know the other regulars/become acquaintances. Then it's much easier to introduce yourself to others

  • Associate 1 in IB-M&A
Nov 20, 2021 - 5:35pm

I recently got dumped after a 7 year relationship and I have no fucking clue how to find another 'quality' woman either. Kind of just fucking around now but feel like ultimately bumble or some random life miracle is the best bet. The spectrum of said thot is pretty wide ranging from regular single women who want to get laid every now and then actual hookers. I try not to judge the girls' life prior to meeting her so anywhere on the less promiscuous thot spectrum is ok with me I think

I'm pretty sure part of the reason I get laid more often than not is because girls seem to dig the whole 'this guy has cash' vibe. Literally just take them to a fancy bar and buy them drinks. Seems to work wonders. I don't mind it now since I just want to get laid but any of you have experience where the women are basically gold diggers? I'm not even loaded but obviously eventually want to meet someone genuine. I met my ex in college so never had to think about it until now.

EDIT: funny enough - I lost me ex gf to a fuckhole she met at her fancy gym so I guess that shit works. 

  • Associate 1 in IB-M&A
Nov 20, 2021 - 7:01pm

Don't think so. We spoke about marriage (lol even in the 2-3 weeks before she dumped me) and our view was let's get our life together first (had always been that view not something of late). She'd just started a tough but great job and I'm doing whatever the fuck I'm doing. MF PE assoc for whatever dick measuring points that counts for. We're mid20s and wanted to be settled in our careers before moving to marriage. But hey - now I'm just unsettled in general.

Nov 22, 2021 - 9:31am

I'm pretty sure part of the reason I get laid more often than not is because girls seem to dig the whole 'this guy has cash' vibe. Literally just take them to a fancy bar and buy them drinks. Seems to work wonders.

I know others are focusing on other parts of your post, but I wanted to highlight this part. I also have seen an increase in success after posting this in my profile and having some better dates. Now, I realize that there are gold diggers out there and you should be careful. But this is one of those "tell me you have money without telling me you have money" things. In my profile I wrote about how I manage my own investments as a hobby and that I always smell good because I have a large cologne collection (dozens of bottles). All women love a man that smells good and they know what perfume costs, so they're clear that good cologne is a luxury item. 

From there, if you stick to your principles on that type of woman you're looking for, then having nicer first dates shouldn't be an issue for you while giving out the cash vibe. In my case, I met a great woman who also happens to work in banking and we hit it off on the phone. Going out to a nice bar and getting a bottle for our first date was a no-brainer. 

  • Economist in Risk Mnmgt
Nov 20, 2021 - 6:09pm

Easiest way to ward off gold diggers is to give being gay a try.  A semester course in Greek does not ruin a major in Latin.

Nov 20, 2021 - 6:54pm

College enrollment among males is declining.

I wouldn't be so sure...

Array

Nov 21, 2021 - 2:44am

Well, one thing is high quality dating sites. Some names I've heard include Luxy, Millionaire Match, The League. 

Another thing is if your gym cold approaching gets awkward then you're doing it wrong. I think it was a video from The Roommates on YouTube that I just recently watched where Hafeez (one of the hosts) said that the way to cold approach is to compliment her on her form (verbatim quote: "Just wanted to let you know that you are absolutely killing it") and then literally walk away. The goal here is to be familiar to her the next time you strike conversation cause safety is women's #1 factor and this is partially why cold approaching only works for a select few (read: very handsome, confident yet soft-spoken guys). You combine this with everyone recognizing you (i.e. you fist bump dudes at the gym that you've known for a bit) adds to that safety factor. 

Regarding your standards: I don't think as a guy you're suppose to limit your dating pool based on her socioeconomic status - this is how women date. The rest is fine, I don't think you'll find many people who like anything classical in 2021 though which is why I suspect you'd compromise on them. So once we tear off the layers, you want a physically attractive woman with feminine energy that is educated. So fish in the places where 1 thing is either guaranteed or more likely - gym, friends-of-friends in grad school, or if you really get desperate, from the content I've consumed on YT, it appears that Target and Walgreens are apparently good cold approach spots...? Don't ask me why.

Nov 21, 2021 - 8:54am

Yeah if it is likely you will see the girl again, just say wassup the first time and then plant the seed. She will think about you and maybe even talk to her friend about you. Then the next time you see her, she is primed to either talk more or ready to throw down her digits or hangout.

Meeting a stranger and doing it all at once sometimes leads to getting her number, but she might be less inclined to hang out. You always have to keep an element of mystery for her to find you appealing. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 2
  • Associate 1 in ER
Nov 21, 2021 - 9:11am

Sio

Well, one thing is high quality dating sites. Some names I've heard include Luxy, Millionaire Match, The League. 

Another thing is if your gym cold approaching gets awkward then you're doing it wrong. I think it was a video from The Roommates on YouTube that I just recently watched where Hafeez (one of the hosts) said that the way to cold approach is to compliment her on her form (verbatim quote: "Just wanted to let you know that you are absolutely killing it") and then literally walk away. The goal here is to be familiar to her the next time you strike conversation cause safety is women's #1 factor and this is partially why cold approaching only works for a select few (read: very handsome, confident yet soft-spoken guys). You combine this with everyone recognizing you (i.e. you fist bump dudes at the gym that you've known for a bit) adds to that safety factor. 

Regarding your standards: I don't think as a guy you're suppose to limit your dating pool based on her socioeconomic status - this is how women date. The rest is fine, I don't think you'll find many people who like anything classical in 2021 though which is why I suspect you'd compromise on them. So once we tear off the layers, you want a physically attractive woman with feminine energy that is educated. So fish in the places where 1 thing is either guaranteed or more likely - gym, friends-of-friends in grad school, or if you really get desperate, from the content I've consumed on YT, it appears that Target and Walgreens are apparently good cold approach spots...? Don't ask me why.

Dude target has some BADDIES, for real. Like whole food quality women without all the high maintenance BS attached.

source - me, and my girl's girlfriends 

  • VP in IB - Gen
Nov 21, 2021 - 10:33am

My wife is a yoga instructor. Met here at Soul cycle back in 2014. Dated for 2 years, then popped the question. Still as hot as the day I met her, probably because we don't have kids and live luxuriously.

She's educated on paper (BA in English), but realistically, she probably couldn't make more than $30-40K on her own. She knows that. 

I love her feminine energy. We'll always discuss things together, but she'll follow my lead on the final decision. Unlike many of friends' SOs, my girl actually takes care of me (as I do her). Actually enjoys cooking at home. Keeps our home clean. Handles all the grocery shopping (though going to Whole Foods makes the chore fun). Plans little dates for our weekends. I take care of home repairs (i.e. calling repair people), manage our finances, and maintain our "fleet" of automobiles. While my wife knows we have generally have high income and valuable assets, I don't think she knows our net worth or the finer details; this leads me to believe she doesn't care all that much about money. 

I'd say we adhere to traditional gender norms, and it works for both of us. My ex-gf (now a lawyer) would try to compete on everything. We probably would barely see each other, no home cooked meals, and split responsibility on house chores. Sure more income would be nice, but law of diminishing returns means the difference would be marginal. A two person household with $400-500K annual income is more than enough for me. With my wife, kids are still a possibility. With my ex, it would be a no-go with two working professionals.

TL;DR befriend girls even if they are "taken" as they have friends most of the time. My wife's friends are pretty hot and have similar personalities (FWIW, my wife is a Midwestern girl, born/raised in Iowa. She's been very loyal and loving so far. Classy and fun, but gets freaky in private). Highly educated girls (like my ex-gf) may not be ideal and over kill.

  • VP in IB - Gen
Nov 21, 2021 - 6:10pm

Nope, I personally don't believe in that. She may get half the assets, but she can't survive without me managing those assets. As I mentioned, her own income wouldn't be much. We don't have kids so no child support (maybe alimony? Not sure how that works.). 

With that being said, I do have some sheltered assets that are protected from divorce or bankruptcy. When she signed the papers willfully (because I asked her to), it would be considered way before any potential divorce case and the protection would stand.

If things reached the point of divorce, I would hire bulldog attorneys to protect my interests. Wouldn't be worth it for her.

Nov 21, 2021 - 5:53pm

I hooked up with this one chick in a social circle of about 6 chicks where we were all very close. We had really good sex and she told her circle, so then all the girls wanted a try and I ended up hooking up with 2 other chicks in the circle as they received good recommendations. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 1
Nov 21, 2021 - 1:52pm

Tinder is full of the trashiest people. The only reason you'd fine a quality person on Tinder is they were clueless about the dating scene and just

decided to try an outlet they heard of .

From my experience, the real high class people are smart to wait till they get into the professional world to start hooking up as that is where they meet

people of similar socio economic status mentality and education and behavior.

I know of this Oxford British billionaire who married someone from his company (colleague). I was like wait, a guy who looks like him (tall educated rich WASP)

could have anyone why did he marry a colleague - then I figured that he wanted the same level of sophistication and class and mannerisms which would no doubt be found in the same office floor of wherever he worked.

In general, it has been extremely difficult for me to find someone I could relate to , found acceptable looks and saw as marriage material. I am a minority so it was probably tougher for me but yeah, the dream girl thing is a myth. If you find them you're lucky af. I figured you have to get close to it.

Nov 21, 2021 - 2:52pm

Honestly dude, it's really tough and a lot of luck/law of large numbers at the end of the day. I think just about every guy wants all of those things you have listed (maybe #6 is the most discretionary one). However, I think over time most guys realize as we get older that we will need to compromise, and probably more so than we'd like to admit/previously thought, in order to find someone we want to settle down with. Women that actually do have all those qualities probably have the top-tier guys at their finger tips and get locked down pretty early on. If you're not a top-tier guy for whatever reason (I'm probably not, btw), it'll only get harder to find one who meets all your criteria and you'll have to rely even more on luck to get one, even if you are a top-tier dude.

Instead, what I recommend you do is regularly go on dates w/ women that at least meet a few criteria you have, see who you vibe with, and then determine what are "nice-to-haves" and what is "vitally important" to you and start compromising accordingly. You absolutely need to have some values and backbone as man and shouldn't just settle because you're old and feeling desperate. That said, just as we laugh off women as being unrealistic when they have a gigantic laundry list of "requirements" on their profiles, we also can't do the same thing on our end and expect different results. 

The reason why I recommend this is also because you may sometimes be surprised at who you end up vibing with and what ends up being important to you. I'm a fitness freak (i.e. I workout 5-6x a week, count my macros/weigh my food, etc.) yet I ended up having most fun and most attracted to a girl I dated that was super smart (doctor), very caring/sweet, but otherwise pretty average-looking. I actually thought about ghosting her on the apps because I had a more attractive option, but I followed my own advice above and ended up being super into her, despite her more average looks. The irony is I actually ended up never talking to the more attractive one again (who actually was a doctor too) after our first date because she was a complete bore on our date and super full of herself because she was a doctor and pretty attractive.

Beyond that dude, for meeting quality women, just treat it like networking. Don't focus on just meeting women - try to meet people in general, but also try to make sure the people you're meeting aren't dorks who don't know women either. It's all about numbers and having opportunities to come across somebody you vibe with, but meeting a bunch of guys that play DnD or something probably won't help your cause either, so make sure you allocate your time wisely.

Nov 22, 2021 - 9:31am

This is spot on. Most guys have no idea what they want, you can see this in relationships where the people are pretty different and they just settled for each other early on. The only trait they had in common was 'attraction' to one another and proximity. It takes a certain degree of emotional intelligence and self awareness to think about your core values and who you want to compliment them (again, outside of just looks).

Fewer guys than that think they know what they want. This is similar with the laundry list women provide - they want someone 'smart'? 'funny'? 'caring?' what does that even mean? Those are just generic positive traits thrown around.

Only by dating a high # of women (and I am talking like 30+ at least) can you decide both what you REALLY value in a relationship and how you prioritize that. Then once you realize what you want (and not what society wants you to want so you look good to your friends) it becomes so much easier to date with purpose. 

Nov 22, 2021 - 9:31am

Nurses are crazy. Steer away

Interested in health tech, consulting, and entrepreneurship.

Nov 21, 2021 - 4:44pm

It's just a #s game. Dating apps are great but you need the right filtering. Stick to coffee dates because they are fast and cheap. If someone does well, graduate into a dinner date. This isn't rocket science, treat it like a sales funnel. 
 

qualify your leads

Nov 21, 2021 - 5:03pm

Honestly, the most amount of chicks I've ever hooked up with were in NYC. This was my line: "text me", as I hand over my business card with my cell on it. 50% would text back. The least amount of effort perceived, the better. Just hand her your card and compliment something (shoes, necklace, earrings) and walk away. She will think about it for 2hrs or 3hrs then you'll get a text: "hey." Works every time 50% of the time. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 4
Nov 21, 2021 - 5:29pm

I like this strategy a lot, but 3 things--

1) What if you don't have business cards (esp. with a baller firm/title)? Commercial Banker at Truist probably won't get any panties wet.

2) Aren't men supposed to get the girl's #?

1) Yes brand name matters. I used to work at a very prestigious firm. 

2) If you get the girl's number, you have control. If the girl gets your number, she gets control. If she texts you, shes into you. You don't want to get her number and send a dumbass text. You want her to text you, this is key. Then you sit on the text for hours and then are like 'hey' and it begins. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 1
  • Analyst 1 in IB - Cov
Nov 22, 2021 - 2:53am

So first off, if you don't believe the qualities you mentioned can potentially come with serious downsides you're misguided. Women don't develop these very naturally or easily because to do so is against our cultural grain. I'm not saying that women are oppressed but I am saying that gender norms still do exist and that the work and persistence required to become this type of women In our society requires a strong and in my opinion, usually unbearable, type A personality.

You have to ask yourself... do you really want to deal with that? Have you ever seen Gone Girl? Obviously that movie is a bit extreme but its theme complements my point well. You are so quick to pass judgement on your potential partner... do you really want want to invite that kind of judgement upon yourself when it's coming from that close to home? No, you definitely dont because believe me, your closest partner will eventually grow to be closest enemy equipt with all the ammunition needed to make your life a giant pain in the ass... and who would be more likely to weaponize that? A pretty average girl? Or the picture perfect likley very type a girl you've described?

Anyway, meeting these types of women is pretty easy. Join some young professional circles/hang out in some more expensive places and then get to chatting/dating girls and then just start peeling back the layers like an onion. Start with career position, college education etc. Then as you get to know them start getting the scoop on their family, vacations they have been on and so on and so forth. To this point, in my opinion, the best career indicaton would be medicine. The best doctors/nurses/patient facing personell obviously have to be smart and go through some pretty interesting follow on training related to personalability and empathy. Plus the culture of the job understands traditional gender norms/child rearing so actually having a family wont be a pain the ass. For these reasons avoid women in banking/law/insane corporate roles like advertising, marketing or PR.

Nov 22, 2021 - 9:31am

I personally like meeting women in some kind of "learning" setting. 

Does not necessarily have to be full-time grad school (though anecdotally lots of people found their partners at my 2-year MBA program), even continuing education-type classes in the evening are a great way to meet women that are a step above (or two) in quality than what you would find on dating apps.

Even non-academic classes such as art, foreign languages, etc. could be a good way to meet women. One of my buddies met his fiancée through a drawing/painting class he took for fun (pre-covid)

Nov 22, 2021 - 9:31am

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