Who pays for what? (Splitting expenses with gf/wife)
1.) How do you split expenses with your significant other? Who covers what?
2.) How much does your gf/wife earn (assuming she works)?
I see very few power couples. Actually most of the finance guys I know don’t want to date female bankers/lawyers/doctors. Seems like most of the people I know have wives/gf’s that either don’t work or have jobs that allow them to have much more free time/flexibility.
Split rent basically 66%33% with my girlfriend. I pay for most of vacations and usually she'll cover the incremental cost of her being there, which usually isn't all that much.
Groceries, utilities, internet, etc, we split 50/50. I own the car that we use on weekends for fun, so I pay for all of that. She sometimes pays for gas.
She makes about ~30% of what I do.
Just don't marry/date someone like my ex who believed my money was her's and her money was her's
How was the sex with her?
These are the real questions we should be asking
Not good. She was a firm believer in sex after marriage. I'm going to do a longer post on this, so stay tuned
Who needs sex when you’re getting fukced by MD’s emails all night long
Live together and split rent and related expenses ~60/40, which is the ratio of our base salaries. All other shared expenses 50/50 during the year, though occasionally one of us will pick up dinner for the other as a treat (mostly nets out anyway, but it’s nice to do)
I usually cover 80-100% of year end trips (her bonus is 30-40% of base, mine is 120% of base).
Both parties contributing financially is extremely important to me (though it doesn’t have to be equal), but I’m happy to occasionally splurge on something for her because I can
At least she isn't like my ex
Where do you live? I know a lot of “power couples”… many of my friends’ gfs/wives are in law, consulting, or Corp dev. My ex made around $250-300k and I’d estimate they’re all around at least the same.
Major costs (rent, vacations) split down the middle with a joint account, I footed most dinners, etc. while she covered groceries and house stuff. Very easy. Friends who married ex-teachers, etc. always seemed nervous/envious lol
I’m in NYC. Could just be the people I know but most of them (MD’s) don’t want anything to do with lawyers or consultants lol. They tend to go for more traditional women if you get what I’m saying. The younger folks (under 35) seem more open to that though
To your original question, we split everything 50/50 - anything major, vacations, groceries, rent, etc. We've been pretty level headed about expenses, making sure we agree on things like vacations and generally setting boundaries on what is a major purchase vs. what isn't. Fortunately neither of us try and live way beyond our means, though I can get a bit free spending sometimes.
She makes more than me though the gap is closing a bit of late. We are very fortunate as combined we do very well and, frankly, don't have to worry about day to day stuff.
Yea I was speaking to the sub-35 crowd. A lot of MDs definitely have stay at home wives but they are from a different time. Hearing those divorce stories have also straightened younger people out I think
When I first met my current GF while we were still in NYC, we’d meet up for dinners almost every weekend (places such as I’Sodi, Lilia, 4 Charles, etc) and I’d cover 3/4 times. That was really our only expense together for awhile, and I didn’t mind covering since the spots were usually my choice and she was lovely company.
Moved in together April 2020, and breakdown down is a pretty even 50/50 on rent, groceries, travel, and going out. I tend to splurge here and there on material things for her (and myself lol) so those are a bit higher on an individual level. She’s on an internal client finance team (forecasts/budgeting).
She just got a promotion and now makes more base-wise then I do (about $10k higher) though all-in I’m materially higher (she doesn’t get bonus).
Me : 150 - 200k all in
Wife : normal job, 60 - 80k all in
i pay the mortgage, she pays property taxes
we don’t worry about splitting who pays for groceries, or who pays for food. Whoever gets it gets it. If you guys are getting that detailed with your finances then you’re doing it (the relationship) wrong
What’s the point of splitting finances once’s married? Isn’t it all communal property in most states?
Maybe you should ask my ex
Idk, we keep our own separate bank accounts just to avoid any headaches. She lets me, the finance guy, handle the major money decisions so it works out pretty easy
the absolutely hardest part is finding a partner who isn’t a complete moron with their Money. Thankfully her parents taught her well
So that you can spend money on the things that you want to, without having to have a "discussion" about it. And so that she can do the same for clothes etc.
We split everything that is a family expense 50/50 (I.e. mortgage, trips, food, savings/retirement, etc) and then keep separate funds for “fun” personal expenses.
We both make about the same (and early 30’s so both incomes are high), although my all in has some more volatility, but on average the same.
This is a controversial take on this forum- my wife and I have joint accounts and don't keep tabs on who pays for what. Whichever card it goes on, we're on both of everything. I have a small account with a few grand on the side for surprises (ex. don't want her to see my purchase for anniversary/ birthday gift). We do earn very similar income though.
Me: 170k all in full time job, 20k part time job (more of a passion project thing for me)
Her: 155k all in
Have been married for ~1.5 years.
I think this is the way to do it. Once married it doesn’t really matter who spends on what. And once kids come then it really doesn’t matter because all your damn spending just goes towards kid stuff.
IMO I think it depends. If one is more frugal and the other is buying designer and expensive items left and right then I could see it being a problem (especially if that person makes less money).
Sounds like you got things figure out.
Thanks. Most of life- not really. But this part I feel like I do
Agree with this. I make 3-3.5x what my wife makes (not a crazy high earner, she just doesn't make a ton), and still the case. Anything else would be odd to me.
It’s like a partnership, not an LLC
Sad that this is 'controversial'...
I guess it’s not, I really expected to get some MS for it and the “bro you didn’t sign a prenup?” Comments. Seems like a lot of people feel the same way as me for this topic though.
I don’t get why’d you marry someone you’d not be willing to have a joint account with
We actually don't care. Usually we alternate all the payments but we never remember so that's random.
We both make good money, PE & MBB
Have been together for almost 4 years?
How do you make it work?
We are more like a couple that rather spend time together in the backyard or at home watching movies or going for a walk/swim. Pretty jungle lifestyle you can say. We don't find stuff like clubs or impressing others amusing. If we do go out or want to act like city folks we usually just go and compete to whip out who's card the fastest. My girlfriend is a law intern. We came from really relaxing families and both of us don't need to go to work if we don't want to, but we chose to instead of nepotism. If our great grandparents can build a big family from scratch. We believe we can too.
I believe all couples who are serious with each other, financing the life together should be a walk in the park and transparent/comfortable. Not the guy have to pay for everything. Because that is just him sugar daddying you
gf and I don't live together, so there is no need to split anything but the upcoming expenses like dinners, etc. I am happy to pay for dinners, gifts or other things here and there.
We haven't discussed moving in together yet.
Surprised there are so many guys married to “type A” women here, since I see people complaining about them on all the dating threads
Well why do you think they complain about them?
Drumpfy isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed
Wait til you are a bit older and start thinking about settling down, everything costs a ton more than you’d think. Joint earnings is not something you should brush off, especially since finance can be a bit volatile and life is unpredictable.
Type A is also not a real thing imo. High earning girls are just less fun and exciting because they are adults lol
Splitting it equal seems obvious unless she is struggling in which case helping someone you love seems the right thing to do.
Lol all I can picture is the guys who keep separate bank accounts asking their wife to Venmo them all the time
My wife is a teacher and so I make around 10x-12x she makes on any given year depending on the year (I’m not clearing 7 figs it’s more of a 50k to 500k-600k sort of thing). We split rent 75/25 (her decision - comes out to about 15% of her salary) and I pretty much cover the rest of everything besides the odd grocery bill here and there. We’re probably not doing it right but basically everything she saves is in an account known to her and I have whatever I have going on investment account-wise in accounts that I had before marriage. She doesn’t know all the accounts and how much is in each etc. I don’t make crazy purchases without her consent, but at the same time we have not combined our finances clearly.
I’d imagine it would be quite a bit different if she was unemployed and didn’t have any source of income and relied on me entirely.
how much r u going to make this year
No Idea. Depends on my PM lol
Very surprised reading this thread. Where do you guys find all these women? I've met hundreds of women, and 90%+ of them expect men to pay for everything regardless of how much money they are making. I actually noticed that rich girls are even more likely to expect men to pay. Poor girls are sometimes aware of how much stuff can cost, but rich girls will take you out to a fancy restaurant, order whatever they want, and stare you right in the face when $200+ bill comes.
I've lately been hanging out with a female Partner at an architecture firm, so she makes bank, and she told me that she believes a man should pay if a couple is dating. Otherwise, it's just friends hanging out.
Another case, went on a date with a female Partner at a law firm a couple of months ago. She makes crazy money. She's been showing me photos of her new mansion she just bought. And I rent a studio. So, I initially asked her out to grab drinks, she said a dinner will be better for a date cause not as loud, then she ordered a bunch of food with extras and never offered to split or anything.
This is why a lot of high earning women end up single/never married. They make high incomes while still expecting the man to cover 90% of expenses when the reality is that most men in this country aren’t making over $100,000, or even $75,000. This reduces the dating pool significantly. And most of the men making high incomes (let’s just say over $100,000) generally aren’t looking for Type A, high earning women but instead are looking for feminine, nurturing, physically fit women that are willing and able to take care of the household. I’m generalizing a bit but most of the banking/consulting/law women I know come off as very masculine, bitchy, and not submissive to their partners at all which is really not what high earning men want.
The banker making $350K a year is going to take the hot, 8/10 yoga instructor or school teacher over a 6/10 banker. I’ve met very few high earning men that give a shit about what their partner earns. They’re generally just looking for the most physically attractive partner that they can find that also has a good head on her shoulders (basically the attractive girl next door type, not IG model)
You should watch the Fresh and Fit podcast if you don’t already. You pretty much described everything they say. Woman want the benefits of being a “traditional” woman while displaying modern behaviors and masculine energy. It’s seen as empowering for woman to have masculine behavior but the same is not said for men. Likewise, woman are born with value and men essentially have to create their value. This all objective reality but no wants or can say it without fear of repercussions. Look into the “candy store analogy” if you want even more.
You date the yoga teacher, not end up with them. I don’t know many people who are with anyone like that… lowest earners are probably art girls but they are a different type of nightmare
There are nurturing high earners lol wtf they just get taken very quickly. Agree that law girls can be incredibly aggressive and haggard though.
Describes my wife to a tee!! Except she’s not as submissive as I would like lol
Describes my wife to a tee!! Except she’s not as submissive as I would like lol
Describes my wife to a tee!! Except she’s not as submissive as I would like lol
This is facts.
Its because of biology and evolution, subconsciously women want a man who can provide for them (so a one with money and status) and men want a woman who can provide the best offspring for their kids (so a younger woman who's more fertile). This is why women never date downwards but men would easily date downwards if the woman was attractive and young. This is also why there's so many couples of older richer men and younger attractive women.
Also I don't know if people watch Kevin Samuels but it's why women hit the wall at 30 because they become less fertile and less attractive (which is what men care about) so their value decreases. On the other hand men become more valuable with age assuming they get richer.
Honestly it sounds like that sample just consists of 2 losers. Who says shit like that and shows photos of a mansion to a dude living in a studio. I already know exactly the type you are describing and they are insufferable with zero self awareness. Usually physically unattractive also or something is off.
Plenty of girls who are not like that at all, especially in a big city. Don’t any of your friends have classmates from bschool or people from work you can meet?
I try not to date people from work or friends of friends cause if it doesn't go well I want an easy exit strategy when I don't see them again and it doesn't affect my work or friendships.
I actually have(had) a rule that if the girl doesn’t offer to help pay regardless of her profession then I’m out. I do not care how hot she is or how well we connected initially. On dates , I know I’ll always pay so I’m ok with that but I think it’s more out respect or just being conscious of the situation that a girl should ask even though we both know who’s going to pay.
Did this with a beautiful Russian chick I dated and every restaurant she jumped up to go to the restroom to do her thing once the bill got out down
I make about 1.5x what my wife does. We live pretty comfortably, building up our savings & investments. Finances are managed on a google spreadsheet. My salary comes in, I pay for all our expenses (rent, bills, our monthly allowances etc.), the balance goes to our joint account. Her salary comes in 2 weeks after, and goes straight to our joint account. After saving up 6 mo.s worth of an emergency fund, we're now focused on investing.
I kind of agree with this, If you are not willing to support someone you should not get married.
I usually pay 60%. We split most things though.
Married 4 years.
I make $125k
She makes $70k
Waterfall is as follows
Kids/daycare 35%
Wife 34%
Mortgage & bills 30%
Me 1%
Laugh all you want monkeys. It’ll happen to you someday…
Your wife sounds like a nightmare. Are you really letting this happen to yourself?
Laugh all you want. It will happen to you if/when you take the walk down the aisle.
While I'm at it, let's talk about weddings and registry's shall we. I had like 3 things of the 100s of items on the wedding registry which I received and put to good use. We were gifted a very fancy expensive set of China dinnerwear. It's moved 3 times now and has not left the original packaging. I guess it'll come out someday when The Rock, Gordon Ramsay, and Hillary Clinton stop over for tea and scones.
Laugh all you want...it'll happen to you...
Do what I did man. Marry someone who makes more than you and has a rich dad. And is hotter than you.
My sister has a Honda Civic as a 777 Pilot Captain and her husband drives a Porsche Macan, but he really wants to get a 911 Turbo S, so the deal is if my nephew gets all Bs in college, my nephew gets the Macan and brother in law gets the 911.
Can’t edit but meant to say her husband is also a Captain on the A320.
Have been dating the same girl since 2019. Was supposed to get her a ring last year but I am Canadian and she is American...so she hasn't even been able to meet my close friends or parents yet because the border has been closed for the bulk of the time we've been dating.
1.) How do you split expenses with your significant other? Who covers what?
We're basically 50/50 with a few twists. We have a joint account together but only her money is in it and I transfer money to it once in a while. I am Canadian and she is American, so this made it easy for me to pay for unrelated fun stuff I buy myself without crazy exchange fees on my main cc. I did pay the bulk of the down payment on our apt & the mortgage is in her name. Our apt was pretty cheap though and even if things went sideways, it's an insignificant sum. She also does all the house work, food, etc.
2.) How much does your gf/wife earn (assuming she works)?
She makes low 6 figures but her job is pretty relaxed. Works anywhere from 30 - 50 hours a week and from home.
The BIG KEY is that neither of us have ridiculous lifestyles and are very aligned on that. We are set up so we can coast on $0 if we need to for a long time. Her lifestyle is very modest (IE clothes from Target/Costco lol) and she budgets meticulously. I've never bothered budgeting at a personal level so I love it. Just cant be fucked to do it when I'm tactical with 13w models @ port cos lol. Anything “expensive” she owns is something I bought her and I’m 100% sure she will murder me if I get her anything super nice/expensive. She works in finance and is more than capable of handling budgeting + other things like that very competently.
It's just easier for us to have joint accounts and then pay everything from there.
I make 1.6x what my GF makes. We split rent along that %. Utilities / cable split evenly. I get most meals / drinks outside the house. She pays for most of groceries.
no kids...yet but wife has been dropping hints so I assume this could change in a bit
every year when I do our taxes I adjust the ratio of expenses and it's stayed ~70/30 my way for the past couple of years
we document all joint expenses and then settle up at the end of the month. sometimes if I've been travelling she's spent more, other times I've done more, but we don't focus on it. we don't need to do this anymore but it's an old habit from early in our cohabitation where we were spending beyond our means and physically seeing the expense reined us in. old habits die hard.
we keep separate bank accounts for personal expenses and never ask each other for anything. if my wife wants to get something for the house, she'll ask me, we'll discuss it, and most of the time we do it and share the cost according to our income ratio. arguments happen when one spouse looks at the credit card app and goes "you spent $X00 at golf/Target? what in the fuck did you buy?" not "hey honey I think we need thus and such and it costs this much"
and to whoever asked where we find these women? college. also, if you date an attorney, you're asking for it, they're the worst
and to whoever said husbands asking wife for venmo/zelle? I do that, we're still happily married. my grandparents have been married for over 60 years, the first thing they told me when I got engaged was that the key to a happy marriage is separate bank accounts. note: they both had their own incomes
curious how guys with kids do it
Layne Staley
Synergy_or_Syzygy
and @associate 2 in IB-M&A lol
Wow your grandparents have been married for 60 years? My parents have their 60 year anniversary next year.
Thanks for the bat signal, thebrofessor. First, a couple things about me: late 30's, married, kids, haven't cracked seven figures of annual income yet but I'm trying.
Essentially entirely co-mingled finances with the wife. Went through a few stages:
1) Dating - I made a little more than she did and treated her probably 80% of the time, but she would get me gifts or surprises without expectation of repayment. If we went on trips together we'd roughly go halvesies (hey i'll get airfare and you get the hotel, cool?) but never spreadsheeted it out.
2) Sinful unmarried cohabitation - I made more than she did (but not by much) and we divided up responsibilities. I paid our rent, we split utilities, she paid for groceries/household stuff, and we each paid for our own individual expenses (car/clothes/etc.) and we very roughly traded off on date night. Worked for us - we both thought we were getting a good deal, so neither of us ever asked for something different.
3) Married DINKs - Overall I made more than she did, but we each went through lengthy individual periods of unemployment (business school being my big one). This was our transition basically to family-sized communism - we've each supported the other through periods that have helped us get to where we are in our careers, so we each feel like we're in a better career position than if we'd pursued our careers independently, so ... we ended up with a philosophy that our incomes belong to each other as much as they belong to us. Joint bank accounts, joint credit cards, joint investment accounts. We each have an independent checking account with a credit card and a few grand that's basically for gifts/surprises. Individual 401(k)s / retirement accounts but we have a brokerage account that we've both contributed to meaningfully. I'm not even sure what the split is.
On spending, we both grew up with a philosophy of frugality, and we've both earned way more than our lifestyle demands. We budget loosely so that we can occasionally say "damn we did a lot of travel spending this year, maybe next year can be a little lighter" but that's about the extent of it. We have an unwritten rule to notify the other if we're going to spend four figures so that there's no fraud phone calls to the credit card company, but it's never been a problem.
4) Traditional americana - after our first kid was born my wife decided she wanted to stay home for a while, so we're currently in the "dad has a job and mom is a homemaker" stage. Hasn't really changed our spending or budgeting or roles. I'm pretty embedded in my job for the foreseeable future, so childcare is basically up to her - if she wants to stay home, cool, if she wants to go back to work and hire an au pair (which her earnings would more than pay for), cool. I suspect when the kids are all school-aged then she'll want to go back to work, but won't really change our lifestyle either way.
She handles the spending, I handle the tracking. All of our household expenses are on a shared credit card, so I can see them if I want, but ... who has time to look over their partner's shoulder? I don't care what she buys at Target, it keeps our household running smoothly and is one less thing I need to worry about. I handle the investment portfolio and our general personal finance approach, and she basically says "yes honey that sounds great do what you want aaack our son is throwing macaroni" so there's not tons of stress or oversight from her end.
I'm not advocating this as a foolproof system for anyone else - we come from similar backgrounds and have very similar independent thoughts on spending / lifestyle, which is the only way this "system" works. There may come a day when our outlooks diverge, at which point we'll have to figure out how to reconcile them, but until then we'll keep on keepin' on.
Very sensible layne! I'll probably use the bat signal more when I've got kid finance related questions. I can handle the 529 or not questions but you're a little ahead of me in life so may need some of that wisdom
Salud bro
Playing into your last point, don't get how people date/marry someone who isn't aligned on lifestyle/finances. Would stress me out immensely. Kind of funny, have approach it personally the same way I've approached business partners and minority equity positions, bulletproof trust required.
I honestly thought that most people that are married did it this way or somewhat similar. Hoping I find a girl like this eventually.
thebrofessor
We put both our paychecks in a joint checking account and have automatic savings, investing, and bill pay. We have a pre-determined "allowance" amount each month for each other to spend which is roughly equal. The rest accumulates in the joint account and we talk about what to do with it should anything be left over. Usually there are overages from some random house repair, trip, or extra personal spending. However, this system ensures we are always saving and investing exactly what we have planned and can predict it to a high degree of certainty.
Grew up in an Asian family. Completely different dynamic from what I see on here. Both parents maintained full trust/faith in each other and a sharing attitude when it came to spending money. I think it’s a very communal mindset and all about sharing. Similarly, we never had stuff in our house that exclusively belonged to one of us. If there was a computer, it wasn’t my dad’s, anyone could use it. If I had an Xbox, it wasn’t mine, it was my brother’s as well. This is something completely different from American families where there’s this idea of ownership (ie. each kid in the house “owns” their own Xbox and "owns" all of their toys). I definitely would like that communal dynamic, even if it requires more trust, in a future family as well.
Seriously? Does this happen? I grew up in an American family, and it sure wasn't this way for us.
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