Who pays for what? (Splitting expenses with gf/wife)

1.) How do you split expenses with your significant other? Who covers what?

2.) How much does your gf/wife earn (assuming she works)?

I see very few power couples. Actually most of the finance guys I know don't want to date female bankers/lawyers/doctors. Seems like most of the people I know have wives/gf's that either don't work or have jobs that allow them to have much more free time/flexibility. 

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Comments (102)

Sep 10, 2021 - 10:44am

Split rent basically 66%33% with my girlfriend. I pay for most of vacations and usually she'll cover the incremental cost of her being there, which usually isn't all that much.

Groceries, utilities, internet, etc, we split 50/50. I own the car that we use on weekends for fun, so I pay for all of that. She sometimes pays for gas.

She makes about ~30% of what I do.

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  • Associate 3 in PE - LBOs
Sep 10, 2021 - 11:43am

Live together and split rent and related expenses ~60/40, which is the ratio of our base salaries. All other shared expenses 50/50 during the year, though occasionally one of us will pick up dinner for the other as a treat (mostly nets out anyway, but it's nice to do)
 

I usually cover 80-100% of year end trips (her bonus is 30-40% of base, mine is 120% of base).

Both parties contributing financially is extremely important to me (though it doesn't have to be equal), but I'm happy to occasionally splurge on something for her because I can

  • VP in IB-M&A
Sep 10, 2021 - 11:58am

Where do you live? I know a lot of "power couples"… many of my friends' gfs/wives are in law, consulting, or Corp dev. My ex made around $250-300k and I'd estimate they're all around at least the same.

Major costs (rent, vacations) split down the middle with a joint account, I footed most dinners, etc. while she covered groceries and house stuff. Very easy. Friends who married ex-teachers, etc. always seemed nervous/envious lol

  • VP in IB - CB
Sep 10, 2021 - 12:06pm

Where do you live? I know a lot of "power couples"… many of my friends' gfs/wives are in law, consulting, or Corp dev. My ex made around $250-300k and I'd estimate they're all around at least the same.

Major costs (rent, vacations) split down the middle with a joint account, I footed most dinners, etc. while she covered groceries and house stuff. Very easy. Friends who married ex-teachers, etc. always seemed nervous/envious lol

I'm in NYC. Could just be the people I know but most of them (MD's) don't want anything to do with lawyers or consultants lol. They tend to go for more traditional women if you get what I'm saying. The younger folks (under 35) seem more open to that though 

Sep 10, 2021 - 12:15pm

To your original question, we split everything 50/50 - anything major, vacations, groceries, rent, etc. We've been pretty level headed about expenses, making sure we agree on things like vacations and generally setting boundaries on what is a major purchase vs. what isn't. Fortunately neither of us try and live way beyond our means, though I can get a bit free spending sometimes. 

She makes more than me though the gap is closing a bit of late. We are very fortunate as combined we do very well and, frankly, don't have to worry about day to day stuff. 

Sep 10, 2021 - 12:29pm

When I first met my current GF while we were still in NYC, we'd meet up for dinners almost every weekend (places such as I'Sodi, Lilia, 4 Charles, etc) and I'd cover 3/4 times. That was really our only expense together for awhile, and I didn't mind covering since the spots were usually my choice and she was lovely company. 

Moved in together April 2020, and breakdown down is a pretty even 50/50 on rent, groceries, travel, and going out. I tend to splurge here and there on material things for her (and myself lol) so those are a bit higher on an individual level. She's on an internal client finance team (forecasts/budgeting).
 

She just got a promotion and now makes more base-wise then I do (about $10k higher) though all-in I'm materially higher (she doesn't get bonus).

  • Associate 1 in IB - Gen
Sep 10, 2021 - 12:40pm

Me : 150 - 200k all in

Wife : normal job, 60 - 80k all in

i pay the mortgage, she pays property taxes 

we don't worry about splitting who pays for groceries, or who pays for food. Whoever gets it gets it. If you guys are getting that detailed with your finances then you're doing it (the relationship) wrong 

  • Associate 1 in IB - Gen
Sep 10, 2021 - 2:51pm

Idk, we keep our own separate bank accounts just to avoid any headaches. She lets me, the finance guy, handle the major money decisions so it works out pretty easy

the absolutely hardest part is finding a partner who isn't a complete moron with their Money. Thankfully her parents taught her well 

  • Investment Manager in HF - Other
Sep 10, 2021 - 1:25pm

We split everything that is a family expense 50/50 (I.e. mortgage, trips, food, savings/retirement, etc) and then keep separate funds for "fun" personal expenses. 

We both make about the same (and early 30's so both incomes are high), although my all in has some more volatility, but on average the same. 

Most Helpful
Sep 10, 2021 - 4:15pm

This is a controversial take on this forum- my wife and I have joint accounts and don't keep tabs on who pays for what. Whichever card it goes on, we're on both of everything. I have a small account with a few grand on the side for surprises (ex. don't want her to see my purchase for anniversary/ birthday gift). We do earn very similar income though.

Me: 170k all in full time job, 20k part time job (more of a passion project thing for me)

Her: 155k all in

Have been married for ~1.5 years.

“The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.” - Nassim Taleb
  • 11
Sep 10, 2021 - 6:06pm

Associate 2 in IB-M&A

I think this is the way to do it. Once married it doesn't really matter who spends on what. And once kids come then it really doesn't matter because all your damn spending just goes towards kid stuff.

IMO I think it depends. If one is more frugal and the other is buying designer and expensive items left and right then I could see it being a problem (especially if that person makes less money).

Array
  • 1
Sep 14, 2021 - 12:19am

Thanks. Most of life- not really. But this part I feel like I do

“The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.” - Nassim Taleb
  • 1
Sep 14, 2021 - 12:19am

It's like a partnership, not an LLC

“The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.” - Nassim Taleb
Sep 14, 2021 - 12:20am

I guess it's not, I really expected to get some MS for it and the "bro you didn't sign a prenup?" Comments. Seems like a lot of people feel the same way as me for this topic though. 

“The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.” - Nassim Taleb
  • Investment Analyst in PE - LBOs
Sep 10, 2021 - 6:34pm

We actually don't care. Usually we alternate all the payments but we never remember so that's random.

We both make good money, PE & MBB

Have been together for almost 4 years?

Sep 11, 2021 - 3:00am

We are more like a couple that rather spend time together in the backyard or at home watching movies or going for a walk/swim. Pretty jungle lifestyle you can say. We don't find stuff like clubs or impressing others amusing. If we do go out or want to act like city folks we usually just go and compete to whip out who's card the fastest. My girlfriend is a law intern. We came from really relaxing families and both of us don't need to go to work if we don't want to, but we chose to instead of nepotism. If our great grandparents can build a big family from scratch. We believe we can too.

Sep 11, 2021 - 3:02am

I believe all couples who are serious with each other, financing the life together should be a walk in the park and transparent/comfortable. Not the guy have to pay for everything. Because that is just him sugar daddying you

Sep 11, 2021 - 4:09am

gf and I don't live together, so there is no need to split anything but the upcoming expenses like dinners, etc. I am happy to pay for dinners, gifts or other things here and there.

We haven't discussed moving in together yet.

  • VP in IB-M&A
Sep 12, 2021 - 10:03pm

Wait til you are a bit older and start thinking about settling down, everything costs a ton more than you'd think. Joint earnings is not something you should brush off, especially since finance can be a bit volatile and life is unpredictable. 
 

Type A is also not a real thing imo. High earning girls are just less fun and exciting because they are adults lol 

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Sep 11, 2021 - 4:34pm

Lol all I can picture is the guys who keep separate bank accounts asking their wife to Venmo them all the time

  • Research Analyst in HF - Other
Sep 12, 2021 - 12:37am

My wife is a teacher and so I make around 10x-12x she makes on any given year depending on the year (I'm not clearing 7 figs it's more of a 50k to 500k-600k sort of thing). We split rent 75/25 (her decision - comes out to about 15% of her salary) and I pretty much cover the rest of everything besides the odd grocery bill here and there. We're probably not doing it right but basically everything she saves is in an account known to her and I have whatever I have going on investment account-wise in accounts that I had before marriage. She doesn't know all the accounts and how much is in each etc. I don't make crazy purchases without her consent, but at the same time we have not combined our finances clearly.

I'd imagine it would be quite a bit different if she was unemployed and didn't have any source of income and relied on me entirely.

Sep 12, 2021 - 3:57am

Very surprised reading this thread. Where do you guys find all these women? I've met hundreds of women, and 90%+ of them expect men to pay for everything regardless of how much money they are making. I actually noticed that rich girls are even more likely to expect men to pay. Poor girls are sometimes aware of how much stuff can cost, but rich girls will take you out to a fancy restaurant, order whatever they want, and stare you right in the face when $200+ bill comes.

I've lately been hanging out with a female Partner at an architecture firm, so she makes bank, and she told me that she believes a man should pay if a couple is dating. Otherwise, it's just friends hanging out.

Another case, went on a date with a female Partner at a law firm a couple of months ago. She makes crazy money. She's been showing me photos of her new mansion she just bought. And I rent a studio. So, I initially asked her out to grab drinks, she said a dinner will be better for a date cause not as loud, then she ordered a bunch of food with extras and never offered to split or anything.

  • VP in IB - CB
Sep 12, 2021 - 9:37am

Kevin25

Very surprised reading this thread. Where do you guys find all these women? I've met hundreds of women, and 90%+ of them expect men to pay for everything regardless of how much money they are making. I actually noticed that rich girls are even more likely to expect men to pay. Poor girls are sometimes aware of how much stuff can cost, but rich girls will take you out to a fancy restaurant, order whatever they want, and stare you right in the face when $200+ bill comes.

I've lately been hanging out with a female Partner at an architecture firm, so she makes bank, and she told me that she believes a man should pay if a couple is dating. Otherwise, it's just friends hanging out.

Another case, went on a date with a female Partner at a law firm a couple of months ago. She makes crazy money. She's been showing me photos of her new mansion she just bought. And I rent a studio. So, I initially asked her out to grab drinks, she said a dinner will be better for a date cause not as loud, then she ordered a bunch of food with extras and never offered to split or anything.

This is why a lot of high earning women end up single/never married. They make high incomes while still expecting the man to cover 90% of expenses when the reality is that most men in this country aren't making over $100,000, or even $75,000. This reduces the dating pool significantly. And most of the men making high incomes (let's just say over $100,000) generally aren't looking for Type A, high earning women but instead are looking for feminine, nurturing, physically fit women that are willing and able to take care of the household. I'm generalizing a bit but most of the banking/consulting/law women I know come off as very masculine, bitchy, and not submissive to their partners at all which is really not what high earning men want. 
 

The banker making $350K a year is going to take the hot, 8/10 yoga instructor or school teacher over a 6/10 banker. I've met very few high earning men that give a shit about what their partner earns. They're generally just looking for the most physically attractive partner that they can find that also has a good head on her shoulders (basically the attractive girl next door type, not IG model)

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Sep 12, 2021 - 12:58pm

You should watch the Fresh and Fit podcast if you don't already. You pretty much described everything they say. Woman want the benefits of being a "traditional" woman while displaying modern behaviors and masculine energy. It's seen as empowering for woman to have masculine behavior but the same is not said for men. Likewise, woman are born with value and men essentially have to create their value. This all objective reality but no wants or can say it without fear of repercussions. Look into the "candy store analogy" if you want even more.

  • VP in IB-M&A
Sep 12, 2021 - 10:15pm

You date the yoga teacher, not end up with them. I don't know many people who are with anyone like that… lowest earners are probably art girls but they are a different type of nightmare
 

There are nurturing high earners lol wtf they just get taken very quickly. Agree that law girls can be incredibly aggressive and haggard though. 

Sep 15, 2021 - 9:45pm

This is facts.

Its because of biology and evolution, subconsciously women want a man who can provide for them (so a one with money and status) and men want a woman who can provide the best offspring for their kids (so a younger woman who's more fertile). This is why women never date downwards but men would easily date downwards if the woman was attractive and young. This is also why there's so many couples of older richer men and younger attractive women.

Also I don't know if people watch Kevin Samuels but it's why women hit the wall at 30 because they become less fertile and less attractive (which is what men care about) so their value decreases. On the other hand men become more valuable with age assuming they get richer.

  • VP in IB-M&A
Sep 12, 2021 - 10:21pm

Honestly it sounds like that sample just consists of 2 losers. Who says shit like that and shows photos of a mansion to a dude living in a studio. I already know exactly the type you are describing and they are insufferable with zero self awareness. Usually physically unattractive also or something is off.
 

Plenty of girls who are not like that at all, especially in a big city. Don't any of your friends have classmates from bschool or people from work you can meet?

Sep 13, 2021 - 7:52am

I actually have(had) a rule that if the girl doesn't offer to help pay regardless of her profession then I'm out. I do not care how hot she is or how well we connected initially. On dates , I know I'll always pay so I'm ok with that but I think it's more out respect or just being conscious of the situation that a girl should ask even though we both know who's going to pay.

Did this with a beautiful Russian chick I dated and every restaurant she jumped up to go to the restroom to do her thing once the bill got out down

Sep 12, 2021 - 11:55am

I make about 1.5x what my wife does. We live pretty comfortably, building up our savings & investments. Finances are managed on a google spreadsheet. My salary comes in, I pay for all our expenses (rent, bills, our monthly allowances etc.), the balance goes to our joint account. Her salary comes in 2 weeks after, and goes straight to our joint account. After saving up 6 mo.s worth of an emergency fund, we're now focused on investing.

Sep 13, 2021 - 11:47am

Make $130k. Wife makes $70k. In LCOL. I pay for almost everything joint. She decorates, does more housework, and generally manages the home while I work longer, more stressful hours. Married 1 year but together for 8 before that. She's always pitched in but my income has doubled while hers has not. I'm happy to basically spend all my money on her. I'm super low maintenance and only spend a bit on myself other than eating out at work. Every now and then I'll buy a TV or computer but monthly spending on myself is low. I just don't care about most material things other than having a nice home.

Sep 13, 2021 - 2:30pm

I usually pay 60%. We split most things though.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • Economist in Risk Mnmgt
Sep 13, 2021 - 7:52pm

Married 4 years.

I make $125k

She makes $70k

Waterfall is as follows

Kids/daycare 35%

Wife 34%

Mortgage & bills 30%

Me 1%

Laugh all you want monkeys. It'll happen to you someday…

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Sep 15, 2021 - 1:02pm

Your wife sounds like a nightmare. Are you really letting this happen to yourself?

  • Economist in Risk Mnmgt
Sep 15, 2021 - 1:41pm

Your wife sounds like a nightmare. Are you really letting this happen to yourself?

Laugh all you want.  It will happen to you if/when you take the walk down the aisle.

While I'm at it, let's talk about weddings and registry's shall we.  I had like 3 things of the 100s of items on the wedding registry which I received and put to good use.  We were gifted a very fancy expensive set of China dinnerwear.  It's moved 3 times now and has not left the original packaging.  I guess it'll come out someday when The Rock, Gordon Ramsay, and Hillary Clinton stop over for tea and scones.

Laugh all you want...it'll happen to you...

Sep 14, 2021 - 3:45pm

My sister has a Honda Civic as a 777 Pilot Captain and her husband drives a Porsche Macan, but he really wants to get a 911 Turbo S, so the deal is if my nephew gets all Bs in college, my nephew gets the Macan and brother in law gets the 911. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Sep 14, 2021 - 3:45pm

Can't edit but meant to say her husband is also a Captain on the A320.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Sep 14, 2021 - 4:25pm

Have been dating the same girl since 2019. Was supposed to get her a ring last year but I am Canadian and she is American...so she hasn't even been able to meet my close friends or parents yet because the border has been closed for the bulk of the time we've been dating. 

1.) How do you split expenses with your significant other? Who covers what?

We're basically 50/50 with a few twists. We have a joint account together but only her money is in it and I transfer money to it once in a while. I am Canadian and she is American, so this made it easy for me to pay for unrelated fun stuff I buy myself without crazy exchange fees on my main cc. I did pay the bulk of the down payment on our apt & the mortgage is in her name. Our apt was pretty cheap though and even if things went sideways, it's an insignificant sum. She also does all the house work, food, etc. 
 

2.) How much does your gf/wife earn (assuming she works)?

She makes low 6 figures but her job is pretty relaxed. Works anywhere from 30 - 50 hours a week and from home.

The BIG KEY is that neither of us have ridiculous lifestyles and are very aligned on that. We are set up so we can coast on $0 if we need to for a long time. Her lifestyle is very modest (IE clothes from Target/Costco lol) and she budgets meticulously. I've never bothered budgeting at a personal level so I love it. Just cant be fucked to do it when I'm tactical with 13w models @ port cos lol. Anything "expensive" she owns is something I bought her and I'm 100% sure she will murder me if I get her anything super nice/expensive. She works in finance and is more than capable of handling budgeting + other things like that very competently. 

  • 7
Sep 14, 2021 - 4:49pm

I make 1.6x what my GF makes. We split rent along that %. Utilities / cable split evenly. I get most meals / drinks outside the house. She pays for most of groceries. 

Sep 14, 2021 - 4:50pm

no kids...yet but wife has been dropping hints so I assume this could change in a bit

every year when I do our taxes I adjust the ratio of expenses and it's stayed ~70/30 my way for the past couple of years

we document all joint expenses and then settle up at the end of the month. sometimes if I've been travelling she's spent more, other times I've done more, but we don't focus on it. we don't need to do this anymore but it's an old habit from early in our cohabitation where we were spending beyond our means and physically seeing the expense reined us in. old habits die hard.

we keep separate bank accounts for personal expenses and never ask each other for anything. if my wife wants to get something for the house, she'll ask me, we'll discuss it, and most of the time we do it and share the cost according to our income ratio. arguments happen when one spouse looks at the credit card app and goes "you spent $X00 at golf/Target? what in the fuck did you buy?" not "hey honey I think we need thus and such and it costs this much"

and to whoever asked where we find these women? college. also, if you date an attorney, you're asking for it, they're the worst

and to whoever said husbands asking wife for venmo/zelle? I do that, we're still happily married. my grandparents have been married for over 60 years, the first thing they told me when I got engaged was that the key to a happy marriage is separate bank accounts. note: they both had their own incomes

curious how guys with kids do it

Layne Staley

Synergy_or_Syzygy

and @associate 2 in IB-M&A lol

Sep 14, 2021 - 4:56pm

Wow your grandparents have been married for 60 years? My parents have their 60 year anniversary next year.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Sep 14, 2021 - 8:41pm

Thanks for the bat signal, thebrofessor. First, a couple things about me: late 30's, married, kids, haven't cracked seven figures of annual income yet but I'm trying.

Essentially entirely co-mingled finances with the wife. Went through a few stages:

1) Dating - I made a little more than she did and treated her probably 80% of the time, but she would get me gifts or surprises without expectation of repayment. If we went on trips together we'd roughly go halvesies (hey i'll get airfare and you get the hotel, cool?) but never spreadsheeted it out.

2) Sinful unmarried cohabitation - I made more than she did (but not by much) and we divided up responsibilities. I paid our rent, we split utilities, she paid for groceries/household stuff, and we each paid for our own individual expenses (car/clothes/etc.) and we very roughly traded off on date night. Worked for us - we both thought we were getting a good deal, so neither of us ever asked for something different.

3) Married DINKs - Overall I made more than she did, but we each went through lengthy individual periods of unemployment (business school being my big one). This was our transition basically to family-sized communism - we've each supported the other through periods that have helped us get to where we are in our careers, so we each feel like we're in a better career position than if we'd pursued our careers independently, so ... we ended up with a philosophy that our incomes belong to each other as much as they belong to us. Joint bank accounts, joint credit cards, joint investment accounts. We each have an independent checking account with a credit card and a few grand that's basically for gifts/surprises. Individual 401(k)s / retirement accounts but we have a brokerage account that we've both contributed to meaningfully. I'm not even sure what the split is.

On spending, we both grew up with a philosophy of frugality, and we've both earned way more than our lifestyle demands. We budget loosely so that we can occasionally say "damn we did a lot of travel spending this year, maybe next year can be a little lighter" but that's about the extent of it. We have an unwritten rule to notify the other if we're going to spend four figures so that there's no fraud phone calls to the credit card company, but it's never been a problem.

4) Traditional americana - after our first kid was born my wife decided she wanted to stay home for a while, so we're currently in the "dad has a job and mom is a homemaker" stage. Hasn't really changed our spending or budgeting or roles. I'm pretty embedded in my job for the foreseeable future, so childcare is basically up to her - if she wants to stay home, cool, if she wants to go back to work and hire an au pair (which her earnings would more than pay for), cool. I suspect when the kids are all school-aged then she'll want to go back to work, but won't really change our lifestyle either way.

She handles the spending, I handle the tracking. All of our household expenses are on a shared credit card, so I can see them if I want, but ... who has time to look over their partner's shoulder? I don't care what she buys at Target, it keeps our household running smoothly and is one less thing I need to worry about. I handle the investment portfolio and our general personal finance approach, and she basically says "yes honey that sounds great do what you want aaack our son is throwing macaroni" so there's not tons of stress or oversight from her end.

I'm not advocating this as a foolproof system for anyone else - we come from similar backgrounds and have very similar independent thoughts on spending / lifestyle, which is the only way this "system" works. There may come a day when our outlooks diverge, at which point we'll have to figure out how to reconcile them, but until then we'll keep on keepin' on.

"Son, life is hard. But it's harder if you're stupid." - my dad
  • 9
Sep 15, 2021 - 11:33am

Playing into your last point, don't get how people date/marry someone who isn't aligned on lifestyle/finances. Would stress me out immensely. Kind of funny, have approach it personally the same way I've approached business partners and minority equity positions, bulletproof trust required.

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Sep 15, 2021 - 10:27pm

I honestly thought that most people that are married did it this way or somewhat similar. Hoping I find a girl like this eventually.

  • Intern in PE - LBOs
Sep 15, 2021 - 1:10pm

Grew up in an Asian family. Completely different dynamic from what I see on here. Both parents maintained full trust/faith in each other and a sharing attitude when it came to spending money. I think it's a very communal mindset and all about sharing. Similarly, we never had stuff in our house that exclusively belonged to one of us. If there was a computer, it wasn't my dad's, anyone could use it. If I had an Xbox, it wasn't mine, it was my brother's as well. This is something completely different from American families where there's this idea of ownership (ie. each kid in the house "owns" their own Xbox and "owns" all of their toys). I definitely would like that communal dynamic, even if it requires more trust, in a future family as well.

Sep 15, 2021 - 1:55pm

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"Son, life is hard. But it's harder if you're stupid." - my dad
  • Intern in PE - LBOs
Sep 15, 2021 - 5:29pm

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