Why has meeting like-minded people gotten so hard...


Just curious. I hear both guys and girls complaining about how hard it is to meet someone. We have access to so much (and so many girls) now due to technology. Yet it's harder for us to talk to anyone than ever before. I hear about all these dumbass relationships that obviously don't/won't work and people should have never ever have settled for or attempted. 

My parents had and still have to this day extremely like-minded goals and ideas. Being fair in a relationship, values in every aspect of life (raising children, education, personal finance, politics), and etc. They came from extremely different backgrounds even and still made it work. Being Asian, I'm sure their relationship wasn't completely balanced in terms of power between man and woman, but I'm sure they are both happy with each other and each of them respected and sacrificed each other completely. Both of them are highly-educated with multiple grad degrees or doctorates so I wonder if this matters but still...I only realized how much they agreed on what I consider to be common-sense things as I grew up and started my own relationships and hearing about my friends. I'm pretty sure this was their one and only serious relationships. And as you hear about friend's parents, old people, and grandparents, you hear the same thing over. They met early-on, got serious, and never encountered many problems.

I feel like part of the issue is that nowadays we sit swiping on our phones reading about different people and deciding based on their description and a single picture. I think its much easier to get attracted to people in person (at least for guys) and this might be the case here. When people used to go out to bars and stuff, that was their only option of meeting people. Going-out. Everyone had to be a lot less picky but the relationships still worked. For 99.9% of the past 100,000 years humans were only fucking people in their small tribe, village, or town. And by town I mean an actual town, of like 5000 people. Only over the past century have some humans actually started trying to meet people elsewhere. Obviously history isn't always as pleasant as it seems and those relationships in terms of boundaries and respect for each other were probably dogshit but still.. IDK man. Atleast it worked and there was a lot less initial pain and struggle in meeting people.

Comments (20)

  • Associate 1 in IB - Ind
Sep 15, 2020 - 4:50pm

Thread title is misleading, seems like opposite sex frustration vs. meeting "like-minded people". Also no offense dude but this reads very "Asian", you spent a full paragraph writing about your parents? Ok...thanks for that?

Anyway, finding a partner is a market like anything else and follows the laws of supply and demand. If what you bring to the table -- extreme physical attractiveness, great wealth, or enamoring personality, etc. -- is deemed to be very desirable, you will usually have your pick of the litter so to speak. As you continue to verge on above average, then average, etc, options that are realistically open to you also adjust accordingly.

Your frustration may be a manifestation of misaligned expectations on your part. You also seem pretty cringey if your diatribe on historical mating patterns is any indication of your personality. Please don't approach socializing with others / finding a romantic partner with the attitude / perspective of "...only fucking people in their small tribe...". This isn't a DCF bro. Thanks. 

  • NA in IB-M&A
Sep 16, 2020 - 4:46pm

This post is retarded and you’re blind if you don’t think people don’t date around more. I’m drop dead gorgeous, and make dumb $$$ and therefore can bang any chick. However it’s still hard to find a great woman to settle down because she’s dating AND I’m bombarded with choices. Paradox of choice indeed

Sep 15, 2020 - 5:11pm

I suspect our parents are doing better because of selection bias. We have so many more options than they do/did. For dating we have more potential partners. For raising children our costs/options/limitations on our children will be higher/stronger. For politics we live in an extremely partisan climate. 

One thing that I have a hard time engaging is capitalism - how much impact has it had on our generation that wages haven't kept up with productivity and as a result we need to hustle significantly more to pay for a mortgage, higher ed etc. 

There are definitely other aspects too, like the need for approval over social media, how that has caused mental health issues for today's youth. Life just isn't as static anymore.

Most Helpful
  • Intern in PropTrad
Sep 15, 2020 - 5:26pm

I call it the Netflix FOMO effect…  spending more time looking at all the available options instead of just pressing play and watching when the right movie comes along. 

  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Sep 15, 2020 - 5:28pm

Being able to communicate well like many things in life is an art that is learned.  Sitting on your phone isn’t going to change anything. Go out to the real world and experiment for yourself!

Sep 16, 2020 - 4:19am

Seeing my friends in similar situs. Due to technology etc, ppl are plagued by immediate confirmation bias. The minute they see a type of smile or generic answer to some hinge question, they've already made their mind up about what x person is going to be like. So if and when they start conversing, it ends up being kind of moot because 99% of the time, both parties will have already established super preconceived notions thru instagram, linkedin, fb etc. It's nice when you see people pleasantly surprised by changes in their bias but even in the initial conversation, I've seen my friends struggle to shake their pre-determined ideas (this isn't to say they are bigots but imagine if you see a gorgeous brunette with a ton of eyeliner, cleavage and a fuck me smile, you'll end up chatting her to because you definitely think she's more loose and dtf rather than trying to "meet" a potential gf/bf) 

  • Teller in HF - EquityHedge
Sep 16, 2020 - 5:26am

The invention of smartphones, and subsequently of any type of social media including dating apps has irremediably destroyed inter-personal relationships as our grandparents and parents have known them. Look at the statistics: in the U.S., men are having way less sex than before and stay virgin longer. Data from Tinder confirms that 20% of men fuck 80% of women, a direct confirmation of the Pareto law resulting from the liberalization of the dating market. Messaging apps have made everyone socially retarded: put people in a long corridor without a smartphone to look at and with other people coming from the opposite direction and they'll act all retarded, as communication through social media doesn't teach body language or facial expressions.

Sep 16, 2020 - 10:36am

Social media has given people FOMO and unreasonable expectations, most people with options can't commit as they are always left thinking "Can I do better?" so they always have one foot left in the dating market (don't forget about Instagram DM's). Look at the dating stats, people are staying single longer. If the current marriage stats are an indicator marriage is going to be a thing of the past for most and only reserved for the wealthy. People aren't having babies at the same rate, so why get married? Divorce nightmares have many people thinking twice now. As people age and stay single longer - in person social meet ups/events/parties, etc aren't as common as they were in their earlier years so people just don't have the same opportunities to find that special someone. You snooze, you loose. 

  • Intern in IB - Ind
Sep 16, 2020 - 2:44pm

Ooo if you have time, you should read the paradox of choice by Barry Schwartz. It's mostly about consumer decisions but still a valuable read, it breaks this concept into a bit more detail

Sep 16, 2020 - 3:03pm

there's a subreddit for asian girls with phat asses, black girls with phat asses, latinas with phat asses, even white girls with phat asses. how are you having a hard time meeting like-minded people exactly?


Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

Sep 16, 2020 - 4:39pm

I would generally prefer to date an athlete. Someone who takes care of their body so that their mind is positive and healthy. They know how to push themselves through sport, so they can handle adversity in life.

I don’t expect them to train as much as me (I trained for 24h 27min last week), but would like to do some training sessions together with a SO.

Part of this as well is that if I meet a hot 25 year old who works out - I know she will be in a good routine to have a healthy body and mind at 35. Some younger chicks trash their body in their 20s and their younger body can take it - but they blow up in their 30s. I’ve seen it happen to a lot of people.

I work hard on my body and mind to be healthy - so expect the same. Even if she only worked out 1hr / day it would be cool - consistency in athletic training is important.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Sep 16, 2020 - 6:41pm

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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