I'm about sick of all the damn women (and virgins) complaining about how there aren't enough women in INSERT_CAREER_FIELD_HERE. This argument is made about minorities as well, which is similarly irritating. I'm writing this article to (brutally) highlight the things that women do wrong in the workplace and what they can do to fix it and accelerate their careers.
How many times do we see these stupid tweets: "Uber faces huge diversity problems" or "Only 17% of start-up CEO's are females" like its actually a problem.
And what's their solution? To put women into these positions by force. I am seeing local female politicians who make 2 minute youtube videos and don't have the common sense to edit out the stutters and stammers that are being pushed en masse by hordes of females. Incompetence is being pushed on the public because women are under the illusion that they are being discriminated against. It's simply not true (at least not by men, but read on).
To be completely frank, there are plenty of reasons women don't make it into positions of power and probably will never in proportions equal to men (unless the collapse of the country is imminent - I'm looking at you Merkel). Here are a few things that automatically make a large majority (notice I didn't say all, there are MANY exceptions) of women bad hires in any organization:
* Women are irrational and overemotional, especially, but not only, on their time of the month. This is exacerbated exponentially when you have more than even 2 women working together. Their periods sync up and it's like a chain reaction every damn time. As someone who has experienced this situation, I can tell you that it is emotionally draining. Any corporative environment with greater than 20-30% women working together is going to be miserable. If not now, soon. This is probably the most irritating thing about women in the workplace.
* Women instinctively gossip and drag people's reputation through the mud. It's one of the cardinal rules of business and it's their natural instinct to violate it. They simply cannot stop running their mouths. They spread rumors, and a gossipy clique of women can and will quickly destroy the morale of the organization. They will happily agree and smile in your face because they are too cowardly to be honest about it. This is one of the worst things about women in the workplace.
If any of you monkeys learn anything from this post, its don't gossip EVER. People will listen to you but they will hate you. If you don't like something, grow some balls and do something about it. Nothing kills an organization faster than gossip.
* Women are hive-minded. They could genuinely and rationally like someone, but because they are so emotional they are more prone to adopting a mob-mentality with a clique of women or others. Women are typically more fearful and do not take stands. They will almost ALWAYS go with the crowd. Throw in one strong-willed person into a herd of women and s/he can easily get a group of overemotional women upset (over nothing) simply because s/he is upset. This is not the type of person you want in your organization, at least in large quantities.
* The only people who hate women are other women. I have never understood why, but I am assuming it's something biological. Seriously, can you stop mean mugging and giving strangers the stink-eye for no reason? Just for 5-minutes. Please. Jesus Christ (bless his soul)! Half (100%*) of the time I can't tell if women are actually doing these behaviors or if they are just so sensitive, territorial, and emotional that they are imagining things. Can women not just assume the best out of people? How many times have you heard women say that they hate being around women (damn sure its more than you've ever heard a man say it)?
That being said, there are some phenomenal qualities about women that make them great employees. Below I've listed two that's stood out to me the most.
* Because women are always scared shitless and terrified of authority, they make incredible worker bees. If you tell them to do something, you can bet it's going to be done, even if it takes a few nervous breakdowns. Women are x10 more accountable then men and you never have to worry about them being lazy or slacking off like you do with men. They don't require any motivational speeches or pep talks. The sheer fear of not meeting expectations is typically good enough. This however, can be a double-edged sword for their careers as they are too scared to embark on new ideas or ask for raises / promotions. 17% start-up founders being women is astonishingly high. Good job women.
* There generally good listeners and can be emotionally supportive and warm in ways that men typically aren't. They are kind, thoughtful, and pick up on things that men wouldn't (sometimes).
My advice to women looking to make a splash in business is three-fold
- Build your confidence and become comfortable sticking up for yourself and what is right, even if everyone around you disagrees with you. The initial pain and suffering will be well-worth it in the long-term. This means ending any gossip from you or other as soon as it begins. This means asking for promotions and raises when you think you deserve them and learning to legitimately love and trust yourself. Easier said than done of course.
- Stop hating other women. Treat them nicely. If they are rude to you, confront them directly and squash it immediately. I guarantee that confrontation is so terrifying to 99% of women that they will immediately bow down and respect you. Never confront or criticize someone in a group, always do it privately. Embarrassing someone in public could result in serious ill-will.
- Keep your emotions in check. One tantrum could stain your career forever.
This was pretty much a rant of truth with tidbits of advice sprinkled in.
In anticipation of many calls of sexism and bigotry, I would like to give a little bit of my background:
- Grew up in a household of women where there were often 5+ women in the house
- Have a very hot, smart girlfriend of many years who would agree with everything I said
- Calling me names doesn't make what I say untrue
For those that disagree with what I've said, you probably don't have that much experience with the opposite sex (or your girlfriend is cheating on you) and I suggest getting off WSO because your time is probably better spent elsewhere.
NOTE: This argument doesn't apply to all women (jeez do people really think that 1-dimensionally?). This is an argument for "barriers" to women breaking in. Women that don't exhibit these qualities will are obviously rise to the top quickly as any man. You can't help them with diversity events, but the honest truth might help.
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