Would this be an appropriate follow-up email?

Cold-called last summer and got a response from a person at the firm along the lines of "we're currently not hiring interns this summer, but do follow-up for the coming winter/summer cycles". Now I'm trying to follow-up for winter. Would this email be fine?

"Hi name,

Hope that all is well at xx. I’ve completed an internship at xx (another firm, same industry) last summer, and I really enjoyed the experience in the xx industry. I’m currently looking for a winter internship and am wondering if there any opportunities at xx? I’d be glad to help the firm, and have enclosed my updated resume. I will be available from the x to the x


Best regards,

name"

 
Most Helpful

A few things:

  1. I wouldn't say where you completed your last internship. Naming a a possible competitor could get you dinged (it's stupid I know, but that's just the way shit goes)

  2. Really enjoyed should read something like enjoyed very much, or something like that. Really enjoyed is just too casual.

  3. Change I'd be glad to help the firm to something like "would love to work for your firm, and think that I would be a strong addition to the team."

  4. Change wondering if there are any opportunities to "I would like to discuss internship opportunties for the winer of xx year."

  5. Remove "I will be available form x to x part", and let them suggest some times. If they suggest times that aren't good for you, then suggest some times that might work for you and see if they are able to do one of those times. If they don't suggest a time, then suggest times, but make your schedule as open as possible.

Array
 

That's why you remind them that you emailed them about an internship a while ago, and that you are following up to see about internships for the winter. The analyst that told me about doing it in a different email said that it's better to do it in a separate email, because then they don't have to search through emails. I know you only sent one other email, but it does look less cluttered. You do what you think it best, just my two cents.

Array
 

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