Enough coddling: by definition some people are the bottom 15%. For those of you who don't have the self-awareness to recognize you aren't cutting it, here are the signs (real life examples). If you do any of the following, I shouldn't have to explain to you why you are a bottom bucket analyst:
- You copy and paste data wrong. Like reformatting the buyers page I suddenly see [Facebook]'s ticker is ["IBM"] and is based out of [Beijing]? That's great.
- Every time I give you a turn, I have to re-check the entire book because you have a habit of screwing things up that shouldn't change. Like weirdly/stupidly basic stuff. How the hell did a subtitle suddenly disappear off the page? That page didn't even have any comments on it.
- Oh that's nice. Our meeting is with [Facebook] in March, but the title page shows [IBM] in September. Our book also has [IBM] in five places.
- You spelled the CEO's name wrong.
- You give me financial pages with different cases on them. Huh? How come all the numbers in each of the "different" cases are the same? Don't blame "CapIQ" or "embedded links". You screwed up.
- What a great growth rate! Oh wait, you used the wrong number of years in a CAGR. We're not talking advanced calculus here.
- A minus 99% growth rate. Interesting. I thought this business was growing. Do you know what the difference is between Billions and Millions? (Bloomberg pulls)
- Capacity utilization or renewal rates are -5% or 120%? That's awesome. So I'm rolling a (weighted? magical?) dice with 120% probability of getting snake eyes: I'm guaranteed snake eyes at least once with a 20% chance of getting it twice on the same roll.
- You show a monthly number as an annual number. Oh, interesting. This company trades at 120x? I thought it was only supposed to be 10x. Way to create value and a premium multiple. You deserve a bonus above street.
- The growth case DCF is lower than the base case? You screwed up. No, not a "labeling issue". You screwed up.
- Our indicated valuation range is from X to Y. And our football field shows every metric is 2x Y or higher. If your math is right (which it isn't), I'm sure the client will appreciate us selling their business for less than half of what "we think it is worth".
- Footnote says comps market price as of September of last year. It's f'n February. Quarters have since reported. Also, you have footnote 7 conspicuously floating in the middle of the page, but at the bottom of the page our footnotes only go to 4.
- Our quals/creds page only has 2016 data. It's 2018 and 2017 numbers have since come in. There was a firm wide email. Update.
- You listed employees as being in $ millions. Hmm. I know people are our "greatest asset", but this is borderline human trafficking.
- [Steve] got promoted to MD this year. There was a firm wide email. The team celebrated with drinks last Friday. You shook his hand and said "Congratulations on the promotion to MD, [Steve]". He took you out for drinks and then gave you his credit card for the rest of the night. He said, "This will be my first meeting as an MD". I'm sure he'll love that you left him as a Director on the team page.
- Oh, and you got YOUR OWN PHONE NUMBER WRONG ON THE TEAM PAGE.
- We are still here late on a Friday because you can't do your job and I write WSO posts while baby sitting you.
G'dmn monkeys on type writers. Guys, this isn't even "IBD is attention to detail" difficult. This would get you fired ANYWHERE.
BTW: [ ] - Clearly made up names, in-case your bottom bucket a$$ didn't get it.
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