Why Your Salary Matters to Her
mod (Andy) note: "Blast from the past - Best of Eddie" - This one is originally from January 2011 . If there's an old post from Eddie you'd like to see up again shoot me a message.
When women get together with their friends and talk about the new guy in their life, one of the first questions that always comes up is, "What does he do?", which - let's face it - is code for, "How much does he make?". Your salary matters to women. Going all the way back to caveman days, women have always sought mates who could protect and provide. It's no different today.
But in today's world of empowered females, why does your salary still matter so much? Professional women today earn as much and sometimes more than their male counterparts. Yet these women expect even more from their mates than women who don't make as much. What gives? Match.com has an interview that may shed some light on the subject.
They interviewed five professionals (three women and two guys) all aged 25-30. Not surprisingly, the women had the most to say on the subject. Regardless of how much money they personally made, they still want a man who can take care of them and pick up the tab. And they don't just want it, they expect it:
Haley: My current boyfriend pays for everything and I think I make more than he does, but I like it that way because it feels romantic, caring and chivalrous. Dating a man without money is really tough because you end up paying for everything and that wears on you after awhile.
Yeah, us guys know how you feel, honey.
So this made me curious. Does a woman's interest in your salary turn you off, or have you just come to expect it? I'm not talking about obvious gold-diggers here, I'm talking about regular women you might be romantically interested in. Do you prefer a woman to be coy about it, or would you rather she just ask you the straight-up numbers?
Let's face it: being the one with money in a relationship is empowering (though we all know that men don't ultimately have the real power in a relationship). Having money eliminates a certain amount (but not all) of relationship B.S. If nothing else, it gives you the power to say no to attending her idiot sorority sister's wedding in Hoboken. But what do you trade for that power?
I'll admit, I've been out of the dating scene for almost a decade now. And I married a woman who was at least my equal and really had her shit together, so finances have never been an issue. Plus, she's a Southern girl, so even if my money was ever a concern of hers she'd been raised with the gentility to never let me know it.
I'm interested to hear from you guys. Does it bother you that a woman expects to be taken care of? Or is that just the traditional male role? I'd love to hear from the female monkeys, too. Do you ladies in the business ever date "down"? What's it like to make more money than your boyfriend? And any male monkey's who date "up", what's it like to make less than your girlfriend? Is money still that big a dynamic in relationships?
I'll leave you with Beyoncé's take on the subject:
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howd u come across a
howd u come across a match.com interview?
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Edmundo Braverman wrote: So
So this made me curious. Does a woman's interest in your salary turn you off, or have you just come to expect it? I'm not talking about obvious gold-diggers here, I'm talking about regular women you might be romantically interested in. Do you prefer a woman to be coy about it, or would you rather she just ask you the straight-up numbers?
First, let me say I'm broke and have been for life. (I've been a starving student for the past several years, after going straight to grad school after undergrad.) So, nobody has ever dated me for my income. But, once I accumulate some wealth, I know how I'll feel. It's okay with me if she cares about my income; just so long as she's also ambitious career wise, and brings something other than her looks to the table. I can't stand chicks who want to live well, but aren't willing to work for it. I saw a few episodes of that reality TV show "Real Housewives of [input big city here]" and a lot of those chicks annoyed the sh*t out of me. I had great respect for the women on that show, who had something of their own and made their own money. But, I completely despised the others; chicks whose sole purpose in life seems to be going shopping, eating out, spending the day at the spa, etc. To me, their whole existence is shallow. They only care about superficial things, and they aren't even willing to work for them. It'd be one thing if they spent their time reading, learning, painting, volunteering, or something along those lines. But they don't. All they do is mindless, vapid activities all day long. I have much more respect for materialistic people who actually work for their wealth, or broke people who actually have passion in their job/studies. But what I can't stand, is people with zero work ethic (or maybe it's just zero productivity) who want to live "the good life."
Just to be clear, I'm not saying people shouldn't spend time on mindless, vapid activities (lord knows, I like to). It's just pathetic when that's your entire existence. What a meaningless life. Have these people ever heard of self-actualization?
As an aside, it would also annoy me if my chick made decent money, but she never wanted to contribute financially. The type of chick who thinks my money is our money, and her money is her money. You know, the type of girl who wants me to pay all the bills and wants me to pay whenever we go out. What, she gets to spend all her money on clothes and having fun with her girlfriends, but I'm supposed to spend a bunch of money on her? Pfff!
And any male monkey's who date "up", what's it like to make less than your girlfriend?
In my past 2 relationships, both chicks have made more than me. And even though they didn't make that much, they still were very generous with paying for just about everything. This definitely has its pros and cons. It's nice to meet a girl who's not that obsessed with material things, and seems to really like me for me. On the flip side though, I don't like being broke and wish I had more money (just for the independence, empowerment, opportunities, security, and some modest material possessions).
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What I make is important to
What I make is important to me for more than financial reasons. I'm really smart and get shit done, and fortunately companies realize that and pay me what I'm worth. To get here, I spent four years busting my balls in school (CS, not business) and learning about this stuff. I have friends who didn't, because they're either not technically inclined or chose not to be, and they make much less than me (with the exception of ibankers, but I'm not putting in anywhere close to even 80 hours, and our total comp is pretty close).
I'm proud of what I've accomplished, my paycheck reflects that, and I'm not going to apologize. It's a self-esteem thing.
Any (most) girls are looking for a man they can marry, settle down, and have kids with. Having a kid requires the ability to support the kid and the wife (ideally enough so she doesn't have to work and can take care of the kid(s)). She'll be looking for someone with his shit together in order to do this, and a paycheck is indicative of shit-together-ness.
I also look for a girl who has her shit together. When my parents ask "oh, so what does she do?" "yes mom, she did graduate from college. No, mom, she's a waitress because she was a sociology major and is too lazy/dumb and partied too much to go to grad school and do anything with it" (never again) who you date and what they do reflects upon you, though paycheck doesn't as long as they're doing something with their lives besides sitting around waiting for Mr. Right.
I genuinely believe that its
I genuinely believe that its an American trait. Coming from Ireland, after the first date and the occasional treat here and there, bills, tabs, and rounds of drinks are 50/50 for guys and girls, and the girls wouldnt have it any other way.
Having spent much of my youth in the States, whenever I go home to Europe i find it almost shocking at first if a girl offers to buy me a drink or something.
After dating a few American girls that definitely came from more money than I, and always have money on them, it always ground my gears to always foot the ball for everything.
Bring on the beer fetching, belching, farting irish women! jk jk
technoviking wrote: After
After dating a few American girls that definitely came from more money than I, and always have money on them, it always ground my gears to always foot the ball for everything.
I have no problem paying for dinner, but it means a lot if they try (I say no). It's also nice to be at the bar and she gets a round.
In b4 sexism. On the real, if
In b4 sexism.
On the real, if a girl asked me what I did, I would straight up tell her I was back office or something. If she still likes me after that, then she's a keeper.
I wouldn't mind dating or
I wouldn't mind dating or marrying a girl that likes money but I don't want that to be the only trait that attracts her.
I went to a casino once and saw a guy just sitting back in a chair at a bar drinking while his wife (or what I assumed was his wife) went up to him every 15-20 minutes asking for more money and he just handed her a handful of cash and just turned around to watch t.v. until she was done playing. That's not what I envision as a healthy relationship. However, if he's a baller and makes so much that it's nothing and that was a mistress, I say more power to him.
My blueprint has been preppy
My blueprint has been preppy outfit + good face and bod + banking's reputation= very interested sluts. Really this formula works like gold on women of all races.
To be fair, I think the truth is that there are certain prerequisites women look for before they open up/ try to nest. Financial independence and security is a fickle beast. It is the most desired quality.
Obviously it can't always be about money and jobs because black guys get laid
im one of the guys who dates
im one of the guys who dates "up". My long term girlfriend makes more than I do (far more) and sure the money issue has come up. Like most men, I wanted a woman who had passion for working and a desire to get it done. That was one of the things that drew me to her. It was very important to me that she didnt want to stay home all day and sit on her laurels. Also, she knew she'd make more than 95% of the guys she'd date. Shes an MD, not Managing Director but Medical Doctor. So ya, she makes alot more than me.
And i think TechnoViking may be on to something about the "american trait". Because my girl is Indian. The emotion of money is strong in her because without her drive to succeed (established at a very young age via her parents) would have meant "failure" in alot of peoples eyes. This being said, she spent most of her childhood growing up in California and has enough "Americanisms" where shes not hell-bent on making sure im making her kind of money. We're very open about bills and like Technoviking said, we pretty much split everything 50/50 after the first handful of dates that were on me.... and ALOT of it was brought on by her.
We have plans for paying off her mortgage sized school loans, my school loans and how long we'll be in "frugal" cars before we get the BMW 5 series we both love. Being super open about money and agreeing that splitting everything 50/50 is not only refreshing, but one of the things that keeps me loving her. She knows im struggling to find work, but im busting my ass trying to find gigs and have interviews set up. She knows I cannot handle being a "stay at home dad" so she knows im not riding her coat-tails.
Lastly, and maybe its just me... but in todays society, (especially in this culture of ours...) money is important. Being super open about our finances and having plans is key... however whats REALLY clutch is how we both have little funds of our own. She doesnt press me when Im buying some new ski gear and I applaud her when she's buying new shoes/boots/clothes. It gives a sense of freedom...
"Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish"
Edmundo Braverman wrote: But
But in today's world of empowered females, why does your salary still matter so much? Professional women today earn as much and sometimes more than their male counterparts. Yet these women expect even more from their mates than women who don't make as much. What gives?
They interviewed five professionals (three women and two guys) all aged 25-30. Not surprisingly, the women had the most to say on the subject. Regardless of how much money they personally made, they still want a man who can take care of them and pick up the tab.
This. I know that I make more than most guys my age and as a result, I have a pretty skewed view of what I'm looking for in a guy (as far as his career / salary / ambition goes). I think that part of this has to do with the fact that I like nice things (which I can no doubt buy for myself) and like to be treated as a lady. To be honest, I don't want a guy who's going to think I'm high maintenance and guys in finance get that whole material-thing, as shallow as it is.
To be blunt, I definitely want a guy who is an equal, if not better. Hence, dating older guys is the way to go.
To contrast my view, one of my best friends is getting a PhD right now. She's much more comfortable dating an entry-level engineer, another grad student, etc. I remember discussing this very topic with her once and she was extremely surprised that I was so narrow-minded about it.
Though I'm currently in
Though I'm currently in college, so salary doesn't really apply, I come from a wealthier (and less stingy) family than my boyfriend does. I would say he pays when we eat out slightly more than I, but mostly because we are both Southern and he feels wrong going on dates and not getting the check. If he couldn't pay, I wouldn't have a problem paying -- though paying every time would get annoying, just as I'm sure it would get annoying for him. I make sure to give him absolutely amazing gifts at holidays (or sometimes in between), because he's so chivalrous.
We're both hopefully going into IB, so I doubt initially there will be a huge power or salary inequality. If I make more in the future, I won't mind; the key is, though, that he works as hard as he can and reaches the potential I see in him. So it's less about his actual salary than succeeding in general. With that said, if he decided to become an artist and pulled in less than $30k per year, there would definitely be problems.
Overall, my view is that we have entered a contract for a relationship/future marriage. We should maintain our looks, reach the potential we showed to each other, and strive to make each other (and ourselves, obviously) as comfortable as possible in life. I'm going to be a successful woman for myself and for my future husband, and in turn, I think he should be at least around that level if the relationship is to be equal. We are comfortable enough together to discuss money, so we many times go dutch, he pays, or I pay. At this stage, a lot of it depends on what our parents will allow with the money they give us, or if we're able to use some crappy-school-wage money towards it. But, I know that if either of us were hurting for money, we would never even think about breaking up or bringing it up, and just take the check. I think that people need to reanalyze what they are looking for in a partner if they would do something so tasteless.
GOB wrote: My blueprint has
My blueprint has been preppy outfit + good face and bod + banking's reputation= very interested sluts. Really this formula works like gold on women of all races.
To be fair, I think the truth is that there are certain prerequisites women look for before they open up/ try to nest. Financial independence and security is a fickle beast. It is the most desired quality.
Obviously it can't always be about money and jobs because black guys get laid
I see what you did there.
C.R.E.A.M.
C.R.E.A.M.
Aldo I think all of this
Aldo I think all of this applies only to marriage minded women. If a slut is just looking to hook up and have some fun the job (i.e. salary) is more of a talking point than a deal maker
Heh. My woman works in sales,
Heh. My woman works in sales, and we live together. Aside from dates and whatnot, we split everything down the middle- occasionally I will treat her to stuff, but I never ever wanted her to expect anything from me. When we first started dating a few years ago, she made about 30k a year as a sales assistant. She was promoted to a real sales role shortly after, and last year she absolutely killed it and made somewhere around 50% more than me. I am perfectly happy with this- we now have a massive combined income. It might be one thing if I was making 40k and her salary was the one actually paying the rent, but I am more than comfortable with what I make, and if she can bring home that and then some... awesome.
Some guys want a woman that is passive, dumb, and that they can take care of while she bakes cookies, but I am not that guy. I have always wanted a woman that was smart and ambitious- I am always floored when I hear that smart women can't find men because they want them to be dumb. I can't stand bimbos- sure they may look hot now, but in 10 years they won't without a huge capital expenditure, and you are actually going to have to talk to her at some point.
My gf makes slightly more
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anaismalcolm wrote: We're
[x]
yeah personally ive been
I need a crib, a big estate, I need a boat and that need a lake, I need some salmon that need a plate, that need a chef so I feed my safe
From trading equities to slanging wine in Latin America
A ship is safe in harbor, but that is not what a ship i
I don't date period. It works
Paying for a date is fine for
shorttheworld wrote: but
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My gf is a nurse and i'm
Girls are penny stocks man.
ANT wrote: My gf makes
DABA_1985 wrote: Be sure that
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econ wrote: DABA_1985
I've been in both situations
I despise women. I wish I was
Men are so simple and so much inclined to obey immediate needs that a deceiver will never lack victims for his deceptions.
-Niccolo Machiavelli
derivstrading wrote: howd u
I notice that the older I am the more I sound like Illini Programer
- accountingbyday
DABA_1985 wrote: econ
"The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant, it's just that they know so much that isn't so."
- Ronald Reagan
I am a college senior going
Relationships where the woman
ANT wrote: My gf makes
"The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant, it's just that they know so much that isn't so."
- Ronald Reagan
What guy wouldn't want to
I notice that the older I am the more I sound like Illini Programer
- accountingbyday
My girlfriend is a grad
There have been many great comebacks throughout history. Jesus was dead but then came back as an all-powerful God-Zombie.
DABA_1985 wrote: econ
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I just want to date a guy
WSOCON 2013 - B Scene
cphbravo96 wrote: DABA_1985
econ wrote: DABA_1985
Jesus Christ, if my GF
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ANT wrote: Jesus Christ, if
Personally I am not too
After reading through a bunch
I think it's simple. Equal
Women fought for equal
The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee
WSO is not your personal search function.
btw the nipples on the chick
I need a crib, a big estate, I need a boat and that need a lake, I need some salmon that need a plate, that need a chef so I feed my safe
From trading equities to slanging wine in Latin America
A ship is safe in harbor, but that is not what a ship i
shorttheworld wrote: btw the
For most men, the earning
More is good, all is better
To the poster who said: "Not