Broke the news to a few monkeys in the chat room, but I proposed to my long-time girlfriend yesterday and now we're engaged. Never been scared about much of anything in my life, and always had a good idea about how to approach new situations. A bit lost on this one. Anyone (other than Eddie, because he'll just make me want to go home and call it off) have some sage advice for me on where to go from here and how to make this work? Never been happier, but this is completely new territory to me.
I'm working about 60-70 hours a week and have always found time for her. So it's not like I'm killing myself with banking hours and it will deteriorate because of that. It's just the general stuff I'm worried about. Any wisdom gets an SB.
No wisdom, just congratulations.
Big decision you made there! Congrats man ;)
If I have any piece of ''advice'', it would be to always treat her with respect and dignity at all time.
Mazal tov!
Sorry, couldn't hold myself. I had to post this... lol, congrats again big bro
First of all, congratulations. I think the attitude towards marriage on this site in particular is a bit regressive. If you are a mature, wise, thoughtful person (and from all the posts of yours I've seen, so seems to be the case), marriage can work.
Two things that I heard said to my oldest brother when his nuptials were announced that stuck with me ever since: - Take a couple of weeks or more simply to enjoy being engaged; don’t worry about any planning or lifestyle changes yet. - Realize that it will never be a 50/50 proposition. It's more like 80/20. Sometimes your 80 and her 20, sometimes your 20 and her 80. It will all balance out.
Best wishes, my friend.
Congrats and good luck!
Since you want advice:
^ THIS!!!! You have to do what works and what brings the most happiness. DO NOT let other people's small minded perception of life box you in. The general demographic on this site is somewhere between "juvenile delinquent" and "flat out criminal" when it comes to relationship management maturity. I love marriage jokes as much as the next guy.....but they're jokes, don't turn them into reality.Other things that have been passed on to me by long term, happily married people: * Marriage is about family. Sex and everything else are secondary priorities. * Absorb other people's ideas, but never let them try to tell you how your relationship should be. * Periodically seek counciling and/or renew your relationship. BE PROACTIVE * Learn to forgive and when to fight. Sometimes it's not worth it, sometimes it is. * The most worthwhile investment in your life is your friends and family. * Passion ebbs and flows over time, roll with it, but maintain the connection. * Realize that even the most hardened, manhating femnazi was a little girl at one point, so be kind. * Realize that even the sexiest, most loving, and giving woman can ruin your life, so choose wisely.
"LIFE is one fool thing after another. LOVE is two fool things after each other."
"All right, let me be the first to say congratulations to you then. You get one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart, Way to work it through."
http://www.youtube.com/embed/I4C-t18-Vvs
Congrats though. First, I wouldn't try to change things just because you're married. You made it this far, no need to alter things. The rest is common sense. Don't take her for granted. Learn to compromise. Lastly, be spontaneous. Nothing kills a relationship quicker than a mundane routine. Best wishes.
This is a better one.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/aJQvnN7oc_k
Don't try to look at married life any different than engaged life/dating life (unless you guys are just moving in together, then of course it will be different), a lot of girls seem to act like things are supposed to be different, when the guys who married them married into the way things were, not the way some girls expect "married life" to be.
I guess some people can disagree, but if I'm marrying somebody I'm marrying them for how they are now.
Totally agree. My mind is just racing with all the possible ways that shit could go wrong, cuz I'm weird like that. We'll just now be moving in together for the first time so that could be interesting, but she's spent long periods living at my place before and we're pretty comfortable with the way we both live so hopefully the change isn't dramatic.
Thanks all for the comments so far by the way
Congrats my friend. Unfortunately I am in NO position to offer marriage advice, lol. But you seem like a smart dude, I'm sure you'll be fine.
Best wishes, The GoldmanBallSachs
Just remember, never have breakfast together.
Congrats OP.
Congrats!
Congrats BlackHat
Congrats once again!! :D I just had to say it here as well haha
Grandpa Eddie is going to like this!
Aww! Congrats, and good job on making time for her during banking!
Congrats BH, best of luck. I'm nowhere close to getting married, but it's great to read some positive perspectives from others on this thread. I guess when you know you'll know.
Couldn't help but laugh at the post below and the subsequent MS.
Best of luck. Remember to always keep your pimp hand strong and never settle for less than you are worth.
can i get invite to wedding
how long u two been a couple for
Also though, Congrats! If I were to say anything about this (I've been dating the same girl for almost 2 years and I'm still in college!) is just take it slow and be honest. Sometimes when you need your space, just say so instead of being an asshole.
Allow me to be your first (SB). Congrats dude.
Congrats - tidbit of advice I received when in the same position - resolve any argument before you go to sleep for the night, going to bed and waking up angry at your wife are no fun
More generally though, congrats again - it's a wild but fantastic ride
Hope you got a pre-nup.
hmmm, somebody needs to tell this guy how pre-nups and engagements work
Congrats buddy. As has been mentioned earlier, do not go to bed angry. Got out of a 5 year relationship (spent 4 years living together) due to that fact.
Never forget a date (birthday, anniversary, etc), because action is faster than reaction. That will save many unnecessary arguments before going to bed.
Respect is key. All I have to say. Congratulations.
This is funny but yet true about relationship. Good luck OP.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/M902ZJHzaLE
Congrats, man!
A couple was about to be married. The groom was walking down the aisle of the church to take his place by the altar and the best man noticed that the groom has the biggest, brightest smile on his face. The best man asked, "Hey man, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up - you look so excited." The groom replied, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life!" Just then the bride came walking down the aisle and she, too, had the biggest, brightest smile on her face. The maid of honor noticed this and asked, "Hey, girlfriend, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up - you look so excited." The bride replied, "I have just given the last blow job of my entire life!"
Nice
Congratulations BlackHat. Best of luck with your girl.
Congrats! Nowhere near being married myself, but I've always felt marriage is common sense. You clearly want to be with her for the rest of your life, so like Wolverine said, it shouldnt be any different to what you've been doing since you met her. The trouble could potentially occur when you eventually live with her (if you arent already), important things to remember are its not a competition, compromise is key. You seem like a smart guy so I dont doubt it will be a great journey for you.
Best of luck.
Marriage contract.
Congratulations.
I don't have too much advice to give you. I'm not engaged / married, but most of my friends are. She'll act a little differently for a while considering how big a deal this is, but don't read too much into it.
Congrats man.
I'm guessing nothing will change unless you start to act nervous. She will see that and get nervous herself that you aren't ready. It's should be just like dating except you both have rings on your fingers. Congrats!
Take this advice from someone who has less experience than you and maybe biased views. However, it is based on numerous observations. Usually things do change when you get married/engaged (and married soon after)...people's expectations change, your habits change, how you view your future changes, kids, your partner might change in positive or negative ways. You cannot control how others change, but yourself. So try to adjust without changing too much. From what I've seen and I've seen a lot for messed up marriages...when marriage go south it's usually because the couple was not ready for marriage in the first place and when married still has i'm in the dating world mentality. Once you get married you should know that the person you are with you can trust, and share your goals and plans and wise versa. You make a commitment and that's a powerful thing because that's the only thing that keeps some people together. Every marriage gets tested with rough stretches, but knowing that you made a commitment for a reason (that's what you wanted, tradition, etc) will keep you from chickening out and quitting. So good luck I don't think anything changes immediately, but give it 2-3 years and that's when changes occur and problems often arise. That's when your marriage will be tested. All the best!
Congratulations and please put the toilet seat down, it will save you a lot of argument time.
Congratulations.
Screw that. Toilet seat stays up.AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
jk Congrats bh
Congrats ! I went to the flee Market yesterday and bought a framed quote that I intend to hang in front of my (room)'s door.
It reads " They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning." Clint Eastwood.
Congrats and good luck.
Congrats.
Congrats. If you are a good boyfriend you'll make a good husband. The only difference now is that you can't say fuck this when things get bad. When you get kids though...
Congratulations, BlackHat! That is awesome. I am married and I personally believe that finding someone to share your life with is the most meaningful moment a person can have. I can remember being single and loving the freedom. For me that meant picking up and deploying on a moment's notice and having zero attachments. Nobody to say goodbye to. Nobody to miss. It allowed me to go overseas and do my job, which I loved. Then I remember coming back from one trip to Afghanistan and thinking... this sucks. There's nobody at the terminal to meet me. Nobody there to give me a hug and kiss me. Nobody to share any of my experiences with. What is life if you have no one to share it with? In that moment, being able to share my life with someone became more important than the freedom.
And so that is my advice to you since you've also made that decision... recognize that you will be making sacrifices. Accept that because you know that what you will get in return is more important. Going into this new phase, your relationship will change no matter how much you want it to stay the same... it has to. It's called evolution. As your lives become more integrated, you guys will move forward together and will look back and say, "I can't believe how far we have come." It won't happen overnight, but it will happen.
I wish I could tell you it's always easy and always fun. It's not. There will be growing pains, but again, that's part of life whether or not your married. So don't focus on that. You've found someone you love. Enjoy it.
I have 24 more WSO credits and I want to give them all to this post, thanks man
Great post. Actually makes me look forward to marriage.
Classy response Eddie!
Congratulations and good luck!
How's your relationship with the future in-laws?
Great actually. That's the best part is we're all pretty much on the same page. Flew them in today to make the announcement and they're heading back now. This'll be the first "official" night shacking up. Nothing's really changed though haha.
You want my 2 cents of advice? Don't introduce her to me.
Ive been married for a year. My best advice would be to never let your marriage get boring. It is easy to get set in your ways and find yourself, and wife, doing the same thing day after day. Break the monotony and do something new once a month or whenever you two get the time. Also, always make at least one night a week for date night.
Congratulations and keep her happy!!
prenup
Congrats man!
I too am married, it is all about balance. Know that you are no longer just making decisions that effect you but they affect her as well. I've had to learn when I need to go have dinner with her and stay up 3 hours later to get work done. You'll be making a lot of sacrifices but I believe the benefits outweigh them.
Congrats!
As you already know, there are good times and there will be bad ones. In those trying times, listen to this:
http://www.youtube.com/embed/_G5UwCyr_g8
The song is "In Too Deep", the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock.
Congrats man! I've only been married for a week, but here's a few that I'd like to add:
Get your hands on some Valium, you might need it when the moms start butting in on your wedding plans.
Always resolve things by yourselves. We really thought this was a no-brainer but it's surprising how many people bring in their in-laws/friends/whoever whenever they have problems. You're probably not like that but just in case man, don't.
Marriage isn't easy and you'll probably have a few of bad moments. Make it perfectly clear to her though that whatever you say or do during those times, it doesn't mean you care for her any less.
Other than that dude, keep it simple and just do what you have to do. You'll be fine.
Congrats again and best wishes!
Congratulations ! No wisdom here either. If she stuck around during the worst years.. I'm sure you two will figure out a way to work things out for the future.
Congrats Blackhat!
This thread begs the following question:
Is SB wealth created via trickle-down effect or do the WSO overlords follow more Keynesian-esque principles?
Reaganomics at work here... I'm stuffing SBs into people's faces, but how can I not?
Congrats on the engagement!
Sage advice? "Love is a disease and marriage is its cure."
Congrats man!
You need advice on getting through the planning stage, not on being married. One step at a time my friend.
My advice: get married at an all-inclusive resort. In Mexico, in the Caribbean, whatever. That automatically reduces the attendance to only those that really give a shit about you (i.e. you can still invite your coworkers but they aren't going to spend $2k to fly to MX to hang out with you and your family). You get to pick everything from a menu, rather than having to go hunting for it (photographers, cakes, chapels, etc). For the same amount you would spend on an 8 hour, 300 person wedding in Chicago or NYC, you can pay for a week of fun in the sun for you and 40-50 of your closest fam / friends.
Think about it. Would you rather spend the days leading up to your wedding laying by the pool drinking rum? Or would you prefer to be scrambling over last minute details, like your best friend forgot to order his tux?
My parents have been married for over 25 years and I swear I can't remember a week going by without them having atleast one arguement. They aren't total opposites, but they do have complementing qualities. After witnessing one of the more intense exchanges (they are usually about stupid,overexaggerated crap), I asked my father how do they keep it together. I know it's been mentioned already, but he pointed to never going to bed angry as something that he has always believed in. "As a man,a husband and a father", he said, " I always try to be the first one to apologize and remind her that she means the world to me and our children". He went on to mention that the beauty in this is that at the end of the day you tend to forget what the whole deal was about anyways and you realize how much of a blessing it is to have each other. You never know what the next day might bring or what may happen overnight and you there is no such thing as oversaying "I love you".
Now, my parents come from a very strict, conservative, blue-collar background. Both raised on a farm in Eastern Europe during the Communism era and the shit they went through in their lives is unbelievable so their upbringing definitely shaped their definition of commitment, love and marriage. There is only a handful of people here that can speak from experience to you, not including myself, but you seem like an emotianally mature, cool-headed guy (from what I gathered from your previous posts) so they only thing I can think of as far as my own observations go is not to keep your fears to yourself, but rather share it with the her, the person you'll be trying to spend the rest of your life with.
Congratulations on your engagement and thanks for sharing this with the WSO community.
Second this my parents are the same
Great advice in here. Have to ask: How did you propose (setting, occasion, etc.)?
CONGRATS! My question to you is, where are you doing banking where you can manage 60-70 hour weeks? Let us in! Congrats again, she's probably just as scared as you are haha :-)
Why is my engagement post getting bumped hahahha, it's embarrassing now that I re-read it. I'm pathetic
...it's ok, I may do one of these soon too ...just so I can take the embarrassing spotlight away. And engagement is on video. but i think she might kill me if I post it on here...
Haha shit, I'm glad mine wasn't on video. I almost fell over when I got down on one knee. It wasn't graceful.
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