The Price of Success: Friends
Throughout the past few years I've noticed that some of my closest relationships have deteriorated as it became more clear that I was on a fast-track in Finance while others were languishing with bad grades and not-so-prestigious (or non-existent) internships.
I knew something to this effect would occur - but not as dramatically as I predicted. I've approached this rather objectively and tried to find solutions (modesty to the extreme) ... but who else has experienced this? What was the outcome? Did you find more healthy relationships post-undergrad - or do you regret not opening up more/adapting to other people's personalities?
This is kind of touchy/feely...but I would bet a lot of people on this forum have gone through this.






econ_guru wrote: Throughout
Throughout the past few years I've noticed that some of my closest relationships have deteriorated as it became more clear that I was on a fast-track in Finance while others were languishing with bad grades and not-so-prestigious (or non-existent) internships.
So your friendships deteriorated because their grades weren't as good and their internships weren't as prestigious as yours?
Find something far away from
Find something far away from finance that you can do every weekend where nobody cares who you are or what you do during the week. And then make sure you don't make an issue of it.
Work hard, play hard.
.... i want to hit you.
....
i want to hit you.
Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?
as ridiculous as this post
as ridiculous as this post sounds, i can relate. i've seen it happen to others, and i've felt it happen to me. its all relative though, right? make friends with people better than you.
and your true true friends are never going to leave. the petty jealous ones that do aren't they type of people you should be surrounding yourself with anyway
I'm assuming you're currently
I'm assuming you're currently an undergrad, right? It completely depends on the personality of your friends to begin with and which school you're at. I'm at a target and yet my friendships didn't deteriorate at all. What exactly do you mean by "fast track" in finance? Do you mean that you didn't have enough time to go out and instead were studying all the time? If this is the case, I would actually advise slowing down a little bit and having some fun in college, because everyone should easily be able to have a little bit of time to hang out with friends and develop relationships in college, regardless of the courseload. As an aside, how exactly do internships (assuming they're during the summer) affect your ability to maintain friends?
There's a lot of uncertainty in my knowledge of what's going on but initially it sounds like you're either losing friends because you're not spending enough time with them, and you could do that if you made some time for it, or you're losing friends because they're just not the kinds of people who can thrive around those who do well in school, in which case, I would seek to cultivate new relationships based on what activities you're involved in.
sayandarula wrote: .... i
....
i want to hit you.
Up until two months ago, I would have responded the same way. Now I want to let him know that it's ok and he's not alone.
OP needs a group of friends where the labels are irrelevant. Skateboarding and doing tricks is all about skill. Hang Gliding is all about finding that thermal. Kitesurfing is all about X. 19th century American Art is all about Y. Labels don't matter. X is what matters. And stories about X are how you share experiences and make friends.
Still don't have everything figured out. But that part helps.
Calling it jealousy isn't helpful. After all, it's people you really respect and like that have trouble relating to you, right? Life is better when experience and wisdom and been there done that give us more respect for others.
Work hard, play hard.
Yes, undergrad, semi-target.
Yes, undergrad, semi-target. Thanks for the replies...to those of you who are aggravated by it, the purpose of the post was to elicit your experiences...I mean, it's a simple dilemma regarding the balance between social life and career...and the surprising repercussions from achieving a little more than those around you (I mean comon, this is WSO)
I think this industry attracts a specific personality type more-so than any other area of work...and it's somewhat abnormal perks, pay and glamour can cause envy. If that seems ridiculous, just look at the hatred towards Wall Street in this country. At the end of the day, I'm just a little taken aback by the kind of biological-threatened response from people I've grown up with... and I'm curious how people have fared with this.
Most of my friends are not
Most of my friends are not into the whole finance thing and I think that helps a lot.
econ_guru wrote: Yes,
Yes, undergrad, semi-target. Thanks for the replies...to those of you who are aggravated by it, the purpose of the post was to elicit your experiences...I mean, it's a simple dilemma regarding the balance between social life and career...and the surprising repercussions from achieving a little more than those around you (I mean comon, this is WSO)
I think this industry attracts a specific personality type more-so than any other area of work...and it's somewhat abnormal perks, pay and glamour can cause envy. If that seems ridiculous, just look at the hatred towards Wall Street in this country. At the end of the day, I'm just a little taken aback by the kind of biological-threatened response from people I've grown up with... and I'm curious how people have fared with this.
This kind of thing was common when I was younger but not so much now. It sounds like you need to not talk as much about work/class around your friends and spend more time going out with them and talking about other things. Either that, or you really are hanging around people who really are in a much much lower league than you, which would cause that kind of jealous reaction as this age.
I can definitely relate to
I can definitely relate to the OP. It seems like all I think about is money, getting the next better job/internship, networking etc. On a good night I get home at 7:30-8. Not much time for my friends. The disconnect is becoming larger than ever b/c all they wanna do is drink and sit around while i've got to be constantly moving. It's like I never stop thinking and working, whether it be work work or personal life work (cleaning, laundry, etc).. A lot of people think I'm an asshole (which may be true sometimes) but I think it's mostly due to irritability from lack of sleep and the fact that b/c I work so much, I can't stand people now that just sit around and waste their life away...which just so happens to encompass most of my friends. Kinda sucks sometimes but I have an attractive gf who I really like and besides the lack of sleep, I actually enjoy investment banking. i'm odd, i know. Well besides the pointless edit overhauls that partners will give me but that's a completely different topic (happened today....)
Also, I'd like to put it out there... my roommate (very close friend) and I have noticed how some people just hate me really for no good reason (I swear, it's true) and we came to the conclusion that it's caused by jealousy "b/c i've got my shit together" (his words). I do think I have a great life and can be overconfident at times but I consciously try to remain humble... That's really the only answer I've got b/c I'm mostly a laid back decent guy.
Anyone else experience this?
Quote: I think this industry
I think this industry attracts a specific personality type more-so than any other area of work...and it's somewhat abnormal perks, pay and glamour can cause envy. If that seems ridiculous, just look at the hatred towards Wall Street in this country. At the end of the day, I'm just a little taken aback by the kind of biological-threatened response from people I've grown up with... and I'm curious how people have fared with this.
That's not what attracted me to this industry.
Being the guy who drives around a rusty honda who gets to work in this industry and gets to say he is heading to school X is hilarious, but the way to keep friends is to be willing to genuinely view yourself as being at their level. If you like prestige, you're always going to have trouble with friendships. THANK GOD, though, that that's not what life is about. And thank god that it's a lot of fun for you and everyone else if you have the ability to pop those folks living in the prestige bubble. "Oh? You work at goldman sacks? No kidding, me too! Oh, it's spelled with an 'h'? I had no idea, I'm not well versed in grammar!"
Accomplishing Z did not change you. You are still the same person you were when you made those friends. So stay that person, and if you can, find a way to get Z to rub off on them and make them better people. But if you can't, relationships and people are stronger and more important than accomplishments.
Work hard, play hard.
IlliniProgrammer
....
i want to hit you.
Up until two months ago, I would have responded the same way. Now I want to let him know that it's ok and he's not alone.
OP needs a group of friends where the labels are irrelevant. Skateboarding and doing tricks is all about skill. Hang Gliding is all about finding that thermal. Kitesurfing is all about X. 19th century American Art is all about Y. Labels don't matter. X is what matters. And stories about X are how you share experiences and make friends.
Still don't have everything figured out. But that part helps.
Calling it jealousy isn't helpful. After all, it's people you really respect and like that have trouble relating to you, right? Life is better when experience and wisdom and been there done that give us more respect for others.
OMFG hang gliding in every damn thread
i need to do this asap..
Genetic wrote: I can
I can definitely relate to the OP. It seems like all I think about is money, getting the next better job/internship, networking etc. On a good night I get home at 7:30-8. Not much time for my friends. The disconnect is becoming larger than ever b/c all they wanna do is drink and sit around while i've got to be constantly moving. It's like I never stop thinking and working, whether it be work work or personal life work (cleaning, laundry, etc).. A lot of people think I'm an asshole (which may be true sometimes) but I think it's mostly due to irritability from lack of sleep and the fact that b/c I work so much, I can't stand people now that just sit around and waste their life away...which just so happens to encompass most of my friends. Kinda sucks sometimes but I have a attractive gf who I really like and besides the lack of sleep, I actually enjoy investment banking. i'm odd, i know.
Also, I'd like to put it out there... my roommate (very close friend) and I have noticed how some people just hate me really for no good reason (I swear, it's true) and we came to the conclusion that it's caused by jealousy "b/c i've got my shit together" (his words). I do think I have a great life and can be overconfident at times but I consciously try to remain humble... That's really the only answer I've got b/c I'm mostly a laid back decent guy.
Anyone else experience this?
I like finance because I am obsessed with accruals regardless of whether life is getting better or worse.
It gets more depressing when you hit your late 20s. You type, and your wrists hurt. You swim the 100 freestyle, and realize you can no longer do it in 55 seconds no matter how hard you try. You know that in 10 years, that 56 second time now will turn into 59 seconds. In 20, it will be 1:11 and will keep increasing quadratically.
You learn to start living in the moment and respecting and caring about the genuine friends you have, regardless of where they happen to be in life.
And probably by the time you hit 70, you are probably desperate for friends to talk to. Hence why you become one of those weird seniors who says hi to random late-20-somethings out of the blue on streetcorners hoping to strike up a conversation.
Work hard, play hard.
Not that I am in your
Not that I am in your situation, but I think you already hit it perfectly - modesty is the key. It sounds bad but play your success down in front of people you care about because they envy you and are trying to find a way to justify their situation. On the other hand, it is always better to associate with people who are better than you.
IlliniProgrammer
I think this industry attracts a specific personality type more-so than any other area of work...and it's somewhat abnormal perks, pay and glamour can cause envy. If that seems ridiculous, just look at the hatred towards Wall Street in this country. At the end of the day, I'm just a little taken aback by the kind of biological-threatened response from people I've grown up with... and I'm curious how people have fared with this.
That's not what attracted me to this industry.
Being the guy who drives around a rusty honda who gets to work in this industry and gets to say he is heading to school X is hilarious, but the way to keep friends is to be willing to genuinely view yourself as being at their level. If you like prestige, you're always going to have trouble with friendships. THANK GOD, though, that that's not what life is about. And thank god that it's a lot of fun for you and everyone else if you have the ability to pop those folks living in the prestige bubble. "Oh? You work at goldman sacks? No kidding, me too! Oh, it's spelled with an 'h'? I had no idea, I'm not well versed in grammar!"
Accomplishing Z did not change you. You are still the same person you were when you made those friends. So stay that person, and if you can, find a way to get Z to rub off on them and make them better people. But if you can't, relationships and people are stronger and more important than accomplishments.
I respectfully disagree. Besides your family and 5-10 closest friends, the only thing that does matter in life is accomplishments, your life's work if you will. No matter what they do or how much I dislike them, people who work hard and have integrity will always have my respect. Likewise, I don't give a damn if people hate me, as long as they respect me. Also, I've learned the more you put your happiness into others, the less likely you are to be happy in the end b/c people will always disappoint you. Loyalty is almost extinct now so I say put your faith in your religion (if that suits you) and yourself and work as hard as you can to reach your goals whatever they may be and if ever given the opportunity or platform, change the world for the better. That's what matters imo
and save the diatribe about attempting to change the world while also working in IB. I've heard it before. Sadly, in this country, one must sell out before he or she can ever change things for the better which is why it rarely happens
seedy underbelly wrote: OMFG
Work hard, play hard.
Genetic wrote: I respectfully
Work hard, play hard.
beancounter wrote: Not that I
Work hard, play hard.
there is something wrong with
.
IlliniProgrammer
My friends and I are a unit
__________
IlliniProgrammer
as much as it is nice to
Just don't talk about work if
interesting.
"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."
SaucyBacon85 wrote: My
Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into SWANSONS.
IlliniProgrammer
econ_guru wrote: Yes,
Troll.
Didn't read all the comments,
I hate victims who respect their executioners
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i only tell ppl i work in car
/\ you better be getting laid
I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk
This is common among all
No time for the comment so I
Problem is the people you
I think about it this way:
The only relationships you
Have no friends not equal to
Power and Money do not change men; they only unmask them
All of your feedback has been
Good post OP and very good
TDSWIM
.
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I'm going to take a wild
Jerome Marrow wrote: I'm
Work hard, play hard.
ip, um... is that your car?
Nah, success as a trader (or
CaliforniaAnalyst wrote: ip,
Work hard, play hard.
Jerome Marrow wrote: I was
Work hard, play hard.
Do you guys honestly talk