2nd attempt for valuable feedback on my CV

You have next to a 0% chance of getting into an Analyst program given your background. You can't spin something that you don't have, there isn't anything there to spin. Your non-linear work history and non-focused academic background suggest you are still in the process of trying to find yourself, which is fine. Just don't delude yourself into thinking you've achieved a "eureka, banking is for me!" moment, because your odds of breaking into banking without an MBA are very-poor-to-negligible.

If you want to be stubborn about it and not take no for answer, have a 5-6 year plan which involves crushing it for 3 years at a good job and then getting into and crushing it at a top 10 MBA.

EDIT: Just to provide you with a reference point for some context, a friend of mine graduated with a similar GPA to yours. From a top 4 Ivy studying advanced upper level math and with a very well-rounded background / impressive CV. Want to know where he took his first job? Not Goldman, but Moody's. Not knocking Moody's, it's a great place. But he certainly didn't go to a top 200 school with regional recognition.