AN1 on verge of breakdown after 1 month

I think we’ve all been there- being new and inexperienced is excruciating. Right now take some time at the end of the day to plan ahead for the next day such as little things like getting your clothes set out- packing a snack/getting breakfast ready. Here is a dumb thing that starts me off on the right foot- one of those coffee makers that turns on automatically in the am. Just waking up with the coffee made, my clothes out for me and something planned in the day that isn’t work like gym or even a call scheduled with a friend makes things easier as you’re starting off on the right foot and have something non work related to look forward to. 

i'm sure you probably don't want to hear this but the first few weeks/months are tough. Believe me, I was right where you are when I started. On the weekends, I couldn't think about this job without wanting to absolutely break down and cry. Hours, culture, everything was bad. I was ready to quit with nothing lined up. My advice is to just hang on. Just persevere please. Don't quit. It will get better. I know it 100% doesn't seem like it will but it will.

Deep breath. I do not know your situation and if this comment means much to you, however here is how I would think about this. There are 1,000s of kids out there that would kill for my job. I spent hours sending out thousands of emails and took hundreds of networking calls to get in this position. Do I want to throw this away?

That being said, do not force yourself to do a job you hate and is destroying your life. You are 22/23, you have a whole career ahead of you. Hope you find the decision that makes you the happiest.

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Hang in there. You just need time to adjust. The way you feel is completely normal and all change is hard. Get outside the bubble of IB and take a break every day. Talk to friends on the phone. Stay in touch with family. Go out for a walk at lunch. Take time to do a few things you love and look after yourself.  Give it at least a year. 

one month fuck me sideways

A few things here:

• take a deep breath. It’s a job and it will be alright.
• Take it one day, one week, one month at a time. Make it a goal to just get to the next mile-stone. Acknowledge it is very hard and painful in the beginning and that is normal. I promise it gets easier with time.
• If you ever start to seriously question harming yourself, it’s time to get out. Here is how you do that:
• You send an email to your staffer and let them know you need to talk to them. Write down what you are going to say beforehand because you will likely be overwhelmed. The gist of it should be: “I need a mental health break. I am taking a week off and will reevaluate if this is the right career path for me.”
• During that week, you come up with a plan. That plan could be looking for openings internally in the organization in a different function (moving from IB to WM) or leaving the firm entirely and looking for a new job.

The reality is the job isn’t for everyone and it isn’t worth majorly sacrificing your health for a job when there are plenty of other jobs you might be better suited for. All that said, if you can stick it out and even get to the 6 month mark, things get much easier and you begin to get experience you can leverage for much easier, high paying roles.

Everyone on this forum probably remembers the exact moment when they reached their breaking point. It’s awful and very distressing.

Let it happen, let it pass, and then work to move on to something better. 

Honestly I have a feeling that a lot of these recent posts are from people that grew up being very smart, top of their class, ahead of their peers in everything, etc without necessarily having to work very hard or ever having to fail or fall short. I’m not stupid but I’ve always been surrounded by people way smarter than me, have had to work very hard, and sometimes have it pay off and other times not.  That’s why I think all the basics of IB (not much sleep, high pressure, steep learning curve, toxic environment, not being amazing right away, long hours, unrealistic deadlines and expectations) never really phased me whereas it’s driving fresh analysts to want to quit these days.

Don’t get me wrong there’s moments people in my analyst class wanted to quit but never because of the basic facts of the job listed above. To us it was just normal lol. What I’m really trying to say to OP is that what he’s feeling is just normal and no reason to quit - it’s supposed to be that bad when you start. 

Please do leverage the other analyst even if it’s just to vent. It’s so very important to have people to get through the stint with. Nothing is worse than hating your job and feeling alone at the same time.

I can also tell you that if you're having concerns that it's like this forever, it's not. As you get better it gets easier, as you get direct reports and move up it gets easier, etc.

I will also chip in and say there is nothing wrong with quitting before 1 year and going corporate. Know a number of people who quit around the 3-6 month mark and moved to growth marketing, strategy, FP&A, etc. and it wasn't a problem. Obviously you don't really get credit for your IB experience like you usually do. 

People in corporate understand the grind of IB and the fact that you are able to recognize quickly that it is not for you is not a bad thing in terms of the interview process. Be upfront / honest and people will understand. 

I will caveat by saying you shouldn't quit until you have a job lined up. 

How did this happen? Did you intern beforehand?

I’m not going to give you advice on whether or not to quit because I have no idea what your situation is. Sometimes you need to be tougher. Other times you need to cut bait and ignore sunk costs. 

seek out advice from someone smart that you trust 

6 weeks? When did you start?

I think the above posters telling you to stick it out arent offering solid advice. I think if deep down it's not for you, don't stick it out. Life is too short to be constantly miserable, it will affect your mental and physical health. I would look into other areas of the bank who are not as intense, maybe ask another group you're interested in and network a bit to get a feel (ECM/DCM are a lot less intense), maybe you would like the vibe in S&T or corporate banking which are all generally less intense hours wise and maybe you find a great group of people. If you want to stop doing banking entirely I've seen plenty of people lateral out into a startup in a finance role if they're less than 1 yr into the job. Hope this helps! Good luck!

Stay with it, don’t quit. Even if everything is terrible, just stop doing work, but don’t quit. Easier to find a new job while you still have one. 

"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how" 

What you are feeling is totally normal and I think everyone has had a similar experience at some point in their IB career. My first 6 weeks in IB were the hardest. I remember crying in the desk as I couldn’t leave my desk or take many bathroom breaks - culture was tough. But after those 6 weeks I had a conversation with myself and decided I was going to focus on the positives and ended up falling in love with that first IB work experience. Now 7 years later I am still in IB and although it’s not always easy, I am so glad I did not listen to my brain back then.

Some of the things that helped me back at the start were:

1. Making work friends, and building a support system. Being excited to see people you work with is key and it will also make your life so much easier to have people you can ask question/help

1. Embracing the intellectual challenge, staying curious and really putting effort in learning from what I was doing (at such junior level most works are really boring, operational… in IB you get to learn about so much different stuff in a very short time)

1. Consciously assessing my progress and how much I was learning/ evolving week over week. Everything you learn is for you, nobody can take that learning or acquired skills from you and it will pay off somehow career-wise

Now that I have more experience and perspective, things that help me now are:

1. Same as above, no matter how senior, you will never know everything, you need sponsors and people to advocate for you or support you. Plus working long hours in a place where you feel alone and unsupportive is just not sustainable over time. You can not be friends with everyone but we all are human and need personal connection so try to get close with a couple of people as a starting point

1. Don’t take things personal. This is a difficult one and I sometimes still fail at it but over time I have learned to build an emotional shield so these things get to me less. Likewise as I saw in another comment, dissociate who you are as a person from who you are as a professional. Don’t stop doing the things you love over the weekends, don’t isolate from people because you are going through this right now (again, talking from experience) and keep living your life as jobs are temporary but your life and health are not

1. Control your negative thoughts (there are many techniques for this, you can google and research a bit), use relaxation techniques before going to sleep for instance so you can get better sleep and hopefully dream less with work. I used to think this one was BS until last year but it’s being incredibly helpful (I do Jacobson’s relaxation before sleep - takes 5’- and meditate sometimes)

1. Set boundaries. This one has been and still is a hard one for me, but if someone crosses the line of the acceptable, is disrespectful, etc, just set a boundary. Sounds like you are doing a little bit of that with your working hours which is a great starting point and the most relevant boundary in my view

If after some more time you still feel the same way then reassess your options, maybe start recruiting. Time goes by fast and it is better to make life changing decisions from a place of abundance/peace vs despair. It is definitely a hard environment but no job is perfect and the grass is always greener on the other side. Best of luck and please keep us updated on your progress!

You can take this for what its worth, but I call it the shower test.  If you are in the shower Monday morning and that fear starts to creep in then its time to leave.  I know its easier said then done, but take it from me as I have suffered from it and ignored it and tried to explain it away.  There is a difference between sucking it up, understanding the culture and part of the job.  Then there is the mental health that slowly eats away at you and your wellbeing.  There is no amount of money or prestige that is worth that.  You spend more time at work then you do with family or friends or sleeping.  It will slowly effect all these parts of your life. Your mood will change, your sleep will be effected and its a death by 1000 cuts.  Think about that shower test and if your stomach and heart are telling you something, listen to it.  Good luck!

Seek therapy if you haven't already. I have a hunch that you're keeping a lot of things bottled up and simply speaking with a professional can help you realize it's not the end of the world. 

It might be worth considering FMLA or short term disability leave if it’s bad enough. That’ll give you some breathing room to stabilize your mental health and figure out your next steps.