Bankisms

How could I forgot -- most important word in banking: "Illustrative"

1. This is low hanging fruit
2. Can you take a first crack at this?
3. pls
4. I'm expensing this shit
5. Can you pop these in the CIM/VDR/Teaser/Model
6. Let's just spin those numbers out
7. Just give it to an intern
8. Fuck me
9. Fuck this

This is a classic:

Might induce PTSD.

1. Can you just drop this in? - Powerpoint wedge or updated financials
2. The Leader / The Leading blah blah blah - Every bank or company description, ever
3. Provide some color - Why do you have to bring color into this?
4. Guys can we run these 1,768,432 scenarios - Real quick?
5. High level - But I already know you'll want detail later
6. Skin in the game - You have no skin in the game, it's zero skin off your back if I pull an all-nighter
7. Fiduciary duties - Old men covering their assets
8. Relevant to… - Please limit use to 3 times for every 20 slides, for all of us
9. Ankle biter - Small bank, dog or client
10. Dead cat bounce - Deals that are dead, but keep bouncing as if they aren't quite dead yet
11. Do some digging - Dig you badgers, I mean analysts
12. Nacent - Because nothing else conveys to me that you're trying to sound smarter than you actually are
13. Incumbent - Same
14. Defensive mote - Same
15. Strategic alternatives - Are there any alternatives that aren't strategic?
16. S-Y-N-E-R-G-I-E-S - All the synergies, synergies for days
17. BSD - Ask your dad or your senior what this means; if you have to ask, you don't have it
18. Circle the wagons - You likely have zero pioneer heritage
19. Put our heads together - I'd rather not
20. Take it to the next level - It's easy when you start at zero
21. Fully utilized - See point 35 because you are a machine, not a person
22. Tee it up - You likely suck at golf, like the majority of us
23. Circle back - You don't hunt or hike, nor are you a member of the military
24. Value add - Doubtful
25. Piggy back - Awkward
26. I'm Cranking / I'm Jamming - Another self-imposed fire drill huh? Calm down champ you have 12 hours to do this
27. Caveat - CYA all day every day
28. What WE need to do is ... Why don't WE ... And of course Mr. Client, even if you don't need us to, WE will work through the night to get this to you first thing in the morning because you'll give us browning points and hire us - We being you…the analyst/associate
29. We'll bird dog this on our side - You've never hunted and don't even know what this means
30. Can't you just refresh the numbers? - It's just F9 right?
31. I know the data is out there somewhere - Searching the internet for private company financials
32. We'll push hard to get this one over the goal line - You've never played football
33. Had an interesting conversation with [insert BS pipeline opportunity with zero chance of success] - Every pipeline update call, ever
34. Definitely a sprint to the finish - You haven't ran in years, clearly
35. "You are just a graphic designer with basic arithmetic skills - don't forget it." - Best senior banker troll to an analyst? Possibly.
36. Bandwidth - Do you have it? Does he/she have it? Not sure who has it
37. As we go through this exercise - What is this? A military drill? Team building camp?
38. Going forward - As opposed to going backward?
39. Revert back - I too like to use redundant things for emphasis, like dumberer
40. "Could you peruse this real quick?" - You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means

pe-ruse pəˈro͞oz verb formal read (something), typically in a thorough or careful way. "He has spent countless hours in libraries perusing art history books and catalogs" To examine carefully or at length

1. "You just need more reps." - Only the incompetent, least value add bankers on the teams say this. You know, the type that gets promoted based on tenure instead of ability ;)

I know we have an internal list somewhere of things senior bankers say, this is only a taste.

"This isn't in our font."

"Fix the font size, I can't read anything in this font."

"Let's lower the font size and up the spacing, I can't read this wall of text."

"Are you sure this is the right font? It looks like Calibri to me."

"Hmm, maybe if we bold it then it will look bigger?"

"This looks weird."

Wow, it feels like everyone works in my office after reading these. My favorite:

"Please swing by" "Few nits" "Couple tweaks" "Can you ping coverage" "We'll run it up our chain and get back to you" "Is this done?" "Guys this needs a lot of work" "Please refresh and circulate to the larger team"