ChatGPT: The AI Analyst Who Ate Wall Street

The year is 2028. OpenAI has just announced ChatGPT 7.0 and once again thrown the finance industry into turmoil. The AI has just secured its full time offer at a top EB (think Stephens, Cain Bros, Citizens) as the sole analyst at the bank. The highly advanced generative AI model has revolutionized the industry leading to mass layoffs across all banks.

For years, analysts complained about a, now long forgotten, concept known as "culture" and "work life balance". Things got out of hand once analysts started demanding $40 nightly meal stipends to keep up with rampant inflation on Sweet Green and Chipotle Garlic Guajillo Steak (now $27 for a half scoop). ChatGPT is the perfect analyst. It doesn't complain, make mistakes, or most importantly, sleep.Having just accepted this prestigious opportunity as the entire analyst class, ChatGPT takes to WSO with the thread, "Open AI model looking to break into PE. Am I f***ed?" Chat GPT expresses concerns that it won't be getting enough modeling exposure since they heard on another thread that [their bank] doesn't model. While the AI is writing this post, it is simultaneously making a Linkedin update. Enclosed in the post is a list of the top 315 people that need to be thanked and tagged for their incredible support throughout the whole recruiting process.

August rolls around the corner and ChatGPT is ready to hit the desk. It has spent nanoseconds taking all the critical (and most prestigious) industry exams (think SIE). The head of M&A came in to teach ChatGPT all it needs to know about attention to detail, bank colors, and DCFs. It's ready to go.

Moments into its first day on the job, Steve, an MD who started with the bank in '84 as an intern, staffs ChatGPT on its first live deal. The first prompt, "Create a 487 page CIM to send prospective buyers. Pls print and bind 600 copies and have on my desk by the AM. Thx" The highly generative AI computes the prompt and within seconds sends a request to the printer. Steve puts on his thickest pair of bifocals to examine the deck. He quickly fires off another prompt, "looks a little drab. Let's rearrange the logos by ROYGBIV". The AI is pleased by such a prestigious request. It sits there, basking in prestige, thinking how it's totally going to secure a top PE offer this cycle.