ChatGPT: The AI Analyst Who Ate Wall Street

The year is 2028. OpenAI has just announced ChatGPT 7.0 and once again thrown the finance industry into turmoil. The AI has just secured its full time offer at a top EB (think Stephens, Cain Bros, Citizens) as the sole analyst at the bank. The highly advanced generative AI model has revolutionized the industry leading to mass layoffs across all banks.

For years, analysts complained about a, now long forgotten, concept known as "culture" and "work life balance". Things got out of hand once analysts started demanding $40 nightly meal stipends to keep up with rampant inflation on Sweet Green and Chipotle Garlic Guajillo Steak (now $27 for a half scoop). ChatGPT is the perfect analyst. It doesn't complain, make mistakes, or most importantly, sleep.Having just accepted this prestigious opportunity as the entire analyst class, ChatGPT takes to WSO with the thread, "Open AI model looking to break into PE. Am I f***ed?" Chat GPT expresses concerns that it won't be getting enough modeling exposure since they heard on another thread that [their bank] doesn't model. While the AI is writing this post, it is simultaneously making a Linkedin update. Enclosed in the post is a list of the top 315 people that need to be thanked and tagged for their incredible support throughout the whole recruiting process.

August rolls around the corner and ChatGPT is ready to hit the desk. It has spent nanoseconds taking all the critical (and most prestigious) industry exams (think SIE). The head of M&A came in to teach ChatGPT all it needs to know about attention to detail, bank colors, and DCFs. It's ready to go.

Moments into its first day on the job, Steve, an MD who started with the bank in '84 as an intern, staffs ChatGPT on its first live deal. The first prompt, "Create a 487 page CIM to send prospective buyers. Pls print and bind 600 copies and have on my desk by the AM. Thx" The highly generative AI computes the prompt and within seconds sends a request to the printer. Steve puts on his thickest pair of bifocals to examine the deck. He quickly fires off another prompt, "looks a little drab. Let's rearrange the logos by ROYGBIV". The AI is pleased by such a prestigious request. It sits there, basking in prestige, thinking how it's totally going to secure a top PE offer this cycle.

32 Comments
 
Most Helpful

Really funny post ! 

Jokes aside, if you know some basics of VBA, you can automate a lot of Excel and PPT work with the help of ChatGPT. This other Associate is still wasting 2 hours to fix font & color, but even without the help of a dedicated PPT outsource team, you can still complete that task within 3 minutes in VBA. 

 

This is a very team/group-specific scenario, but let me try:

You are working with 2 other people on a pitch, and somehow even with the Slide Master, you have different colors for headlines/taglines, and even text.

Before GPT, I would need about 1-2 hours to check all colors in the deck. Now, with the help of some code, I can either:

1. Streamline all colors, text-only.

2. Make sure the headlines' colors align. Leave text colors alone. 

You can also important a chart you've done in Excel to PowerPoint with pre-defined parameters. Over the long run, that should save you a considerable amount of time. 

I'm no guru, just a couple of things I've done here and there. 

 

Damn, that's rough. My team does not have one either, so I know the pain.

I would recommend Charlie Nuttle (University of Colorado Boulder)'s VBA course on Coursera. You get to build a solid foundation. His assignments can get a bit tough, but manageable. 

Remember, we are not SWEs and do not write codes all day. Once you have learned the ropes, search for certain VBA functions you'd like to download on Google/Stack Overflow, and then modify the code with your just-learnt knowledge. That should be enough. Sometimes I tinker with the code for quite a few minutes and even a couple of hours, but once you figure out that macro/VBA code, you get to save a lot of time later on !

 

Understand this is satire and it’s hilarious by the way.

Side comment - you guys may or may not get it yet, but half the job of being an analyst is to eat shit and serve as a punching bag. Until ChatGPT gets programmed to mimic human-like reactions to abuse and subtly show mental health deterioration / visibly show physical health destruction, banks will always choose to have human analysts.

Furthermore, until ChatGPT learns to lick ass and say dumb/factually inaccurate shit during client calls, it could never attain an MBA and come back as an associate.

 

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