A couple pieces of honest advice when writing cold emails. People may say I'm overly critical but I get 5 of these a day so I am looking for any reason not to respond...
-Do not address an analyst or associate as "Mr. XXXX" . Literally my biggest pet peeve. I understand that you think you are being respectful but you come off looking like a goober / somebody I would not want to work with. I'm 23 not 43. Don't be a brown noser.
-Ease up on the embellishment of your words. I.e don't say "I was SO ELATED to hear from you that Goldman doesn't treat it's analysts like a cog in the wheel" - use every day / honest language as much as possible. If you embellish it just makes me think that you're a suck up / desperate. You want to frame yourself as somebody that we would be lucky to have. If you use embellished language you frame yourself as somebody that would be lucky to have us.
-Try to avoid BS buzzwords as much as possible. Don't tell me you are interested in Goldman because of our "lean deal teams" and "unique culture". It's BS. You know it and I know it. Do tell me you are interested in learning more about my experiences at the firm and my story.
-Do attach your resume. Some people may argue but I don't return the calls of anybody that doesn't attach their resume because I assume you aren't attaching it because it's not up to par. I will want to vet you at least a little bit to ensure its worth my time before agreeing to talk to you. It does neither me nor you any good to spend 20 minutes talking about the firm if you have 0 shot.
-Don't spend half your email talking about how you know how busy I am and that I have 0 time but you would be oh so grateful yada yada yada. Just keep it short and sweet. "I would appreciate the opportunity to learn more about your experience at Goldman"
- Don't tell me you found me on LinkedIn. If you don't know anybody that I know - I know that's how you found me but it comes across as creepy if you actually go out say it. Just don't mention how you found me.
-Keep it short and to the point. I'm honestly more likely to reply.
Obviously just one guy's feelings...
BB senior analyst here, not many posts, no time for it. I think both sides are giving too much though to something as simple as introducing yourself in a f*cking email.
To the OP: Son, if you discard talking to a potential candidate for not attaching his/her resume, you are a disgrace as a recruiter.
To the rest of you out there looking for a shot: everything is way simpler than you think; the fact that we landed a job that you want does not make us very different from you (despite some entitled Ivy League a-hole tries to make you think otherwise). Be nice and polite, without going overboard, and go to the point. The rest is a matter of opportunity and luck.
I wish you all the best of it