Cùsh De La Cùsh Of Wall Street Rankings

People! Rank your top cushiest investment banks for those looking to coast through their analyst and associate years.

(Note: Banks below LMM sizing are often sweaty, understaffed and pitch heavy. There's also no room to hide.)

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Think the names listed already are the right idea, but to further elaborate:

Find yourself a bank that just lost a couple of their MDs. Literally no deals to go around. You’ll be coasting with the brand name of the bank but with half the work. When your group starts pulling in MDs again, there will be a push to rekindle old relationships, but most of these will be intro decks. No way your team starts doing high level analysis on meeting one. Pitches for days with off-the-shelf creds, market pages, and strips / ideas.

If I learned anything over the last year, it’s that I just want to turn off my brain and have my ASO/VP tell me what to put on a page instead of doing some complicated buyside M&A math to get 30 more basis points of ROIC so we don’t offend our CFO. Fuck that, give me profiles where I can copy and paste a company website and Pitchbook description on a slide.

Another idea, pick a smaller equity focused shop (Tech/HC) that clearly knows its place on the S1. One that’s perfectly okay not gunning for lead left and sits happily collecting selling / arranging fees. Never client’s first call, but also never holding the pen on models.

Lastly, another example I can think of is a buddy of mine who works at a satellite BB office with literally just him (ASO1) and an MD with a family. This guy is clearing maybe $250k a year? Low by industry standards, but he’s also pulling something like 50 hours on average. What a deal, and the MD can’t push you around cuz it’s hard enough to hire another guy when you’re that small.

This comment came out longer than I thought, but if you want “cushy” and “coast”, this is the way in my opinion. It won’t be rewarding. You won’t feel like you’re winning. But who the fuck cares if you’re gonna be top 2-3% of your age-income distribution regardless. This is the battle we pick.

 

Thoughts on TD? I'm curious since, they have been bringing in new talent from different banks for upper level roles (Director & MD), some of which are from BB's. Would the growing status of the bank bring in more deal flow? 

 

Don’t do oil and gas or power and move to a team that has a solid junior to senior banker ratio. At least 2 to 1

 

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