Fallen off the whole IB track -- not sure how to get back on

-caP1taL1sm..

Much like Tom in The Great Gatsby my best days are behind me. I had a stellar resume up until my Junior SA at a mid-tier BB where I kind of lost the love of the game so to speak. Like it was surreal doing the SA simply because I had set my sights on it so much, done the internships and classes and interviews, ran the distance and just fell flat during my junior year, barely nailing one interview out of about 8 where I more or less shat the bed. This in turn made it feel so hollow, while still being as awesome as I imagined it to be with regards to all the cool aspects of the job. I think partly it's because I started retracting socially at school and just lost my competitive spirit, lost my ability to say "OK lets just do this shit".

Maybe it was the self-fulfilling prophecy that I wouldn't gel enough with people in my group, especially the weird-old-ugly-ass seniors, who were shitty as told to me by our analysts, who weren't great either. It was a shit group that is known to be not sought-after. Worst part was my competition was a boatload of "favorable" connections. Before I would defend I-banking as being meritocratic and not favoring under-deserving kids who may have a connection. Turns out I get nailed by it on my own. I was the idiot that nobody knew from an Ivy League (there was 1-2 in essentially the entire group) At least one if not two of the interns just recruited straight into our specific group, and didn't even have to go through any standard channels. I was, frankly, far over prepared for the job, especially compared with my other interns. They didn't whiff a scent of the finance experience I had.

Alright WSO isn't my psychologist. I didn't get an offer, felt like I wasn't going to halfway through which made it all the worse because I didn't really enjoy the last half since I was struggling to make up for shitty first half and of course it didn't pay off. I knew it was coming an analyst even told me that one summer wasn't getting an offer. At least if I had blissful ignorance I would have thought I was killing it at the time and enjoyed it, which I did on a day-to-day basis. I remember we had a social event after and a few of the analysts/associates got drunk, and I was so on the outs, from the perspective that I was socializing early on great and everyone is interested in talking to everyone but when alcohol hits people let their inhibitions fall and show their true colors. And that's when stuff got worse and I left the event practically crying.

I spent all the money I made from the stupid job too. That's the saddest part, I was dreaming about the money and it went up in

.How do I get back on track? I'm in this rut, and the only way out of it is for me to go the distance and do the 2-year analyst stint. I want to get that experience. And fuck it, I DESERVE it. I killed the work they put in front of me, screw them all, and I can DO THIS. I've spent the last half-year following the rejection to mellow in it and not do anything. Just sit in my stank ya know.

How's a graduating senior with no job prospects supposed to scrap himself together and live the dream. I guess I got to network, but the question is, would it be weird to do something else for a bit and then recruit for FT analyst in Fall 2015? Or should I forget about going 2-year analyst and try going straight into PE?