Fitting in as a diversity in the office

To diversity recruits: How are you guys navigating fitting into the culture in the office? I’m a diversity person, got into current company on my own merit (company is LMM, no diversity program). However, I’m having a hard time trying to fit into the office because I can’t relate to lots of convos going around the office. Does anyone experience the same?

22 Comments
 

Thanks for the encouragement. In the office, people are friendly to me. We totally talk, but I do realize that it’s always me who have to start a convo with them. Also, I notice that non-diversity people sometimes will naturally exclude diversity people from convos due to their topics (e.g., what frats they’re in). I’m fully aware that my coworkers don’t have to be my best friends, but it is discouraging sometimes to see how easy non-diversity people can fit in (don’t have to go out of their way).

 

I wish they talked about a football match lol. Nah it’s like a lot more nuanced than that. Like I said above, they talk about a lot of their region’s cultures (just imagine coming from New York and try to fit in with a bunch of Texans). For me it’s hard with stuff like that since I was raised in a totally different culture. I’m not anti-social in the office or anything, just notice that I have to go out of my way to relate to them and it’s hard with this soul-crushing job.

 
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Thanks for the advice. I’m doing exactly what you said. However, it’s just discouraging to me to see that I have to go out of my way to relate to all these people. It’s like on top of my work I also have to brush myself up on what they often talk about so that I can chat with them. Also the culture is really homogenous so different opinions are not really welcome, especially coming from an intern.

 
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That's client service in a nutshell.

If I don't give a shit about soccer but my boss or my #1 client loves it, you better believe I'm going to brush up on the fucking team they like and the league that team is in. Or I'll just make the decision to keep the relationship transactional and not try to get deeper, although I expect that affects me in the long run.

All of this is just life, it's not easy and the folks at the top didn't end up there by accident. Yeah, a few might have some more in common with a few others since they both grew up sailing or playing squash, but it doesn't mean you can't learn or feign interest.

Everything in life is about sales, so you need to meet your client where they are, they don't have the obligation to move towards you.

If it's just "frat, frat, frat" all the time, then maybe it's not a cultural fit. But if they're talking about something that's new to you, ask questions, I'm sure they'll be happy to chat about it with you and then you're in. For example, "hey man, I heard you talking about this big event this weekend, what's that all about, how'd you get into that?" Connection made stronger. 

Spin it positively, don't keep the black cloud of "I'll never fit it" over your head.

 

Honestly this is going to be quite hard, I left an LMM due to similar treatment and even had other minority users on WSO dm me on here saying they had similar experiences. That is why I am sticking to larger banks.

I think your best bet is being open, you could set up a team drinks and say you feel like you don't know them really well. That is how I would approach it because a lot of people appreciate vulnerability.

Most guys in general bond over drinks rather than in formal environments, especially if they already see you as an "other" and even though you got in on your own merit, I guarantee that is not what they think, so you would have to prove yourself with good work, which is unfortunate but is something you have to wrestle out of.

 

Thanks for sharing man. Really appreciate it. Unfortunately not old enough yet to be drinking with the group (sucks to be born later in the year; I’m still an intern). With that said, I’m glad to know I’m not alone in this.

 

Lmao at this point I wish they had a diversity program. Nope, there’re literally 2 diversity people in the group, and one of them is a partner who’s never in the office.

 

Wow, nice work, this is the most fucking dogshit take I've seen all week. No one from any of those groups could get in by merit? Sure, diversity hiring happens all the time, but it doesn't mean every minority got in that way.

Also, I don't know how to tell you this, and this might be devastating for you to hear, but there might be 1 or 2 more Jewish people on your floor than you realize.

 

Why can't you relate? If you made it into IB you should be able to socialize, emphasis on should. This has nothing to do with being a diverse candidate; it has 100% to do with you being socially awkward/a loser.

 

Already explained my situation above. It’s a nuanced one. I already got the advice I needed above.

 

The most important things you can do are perform well and be personable.  Then you will have no trouble fitting in.  You’re there to work, not to be the life of the party.  That being said, anytime someone is bringing up something your unfamiliar with but have a general interest in then ask questions - people love talking about themselves and their interests.  If it’s something you’d like to try then mention that and you may get a chance to try it.  Also, be open about what you’re into, you never know what sort of side interests people have.

Only two sources I trust, Glenn Beck and singing woodland creatures.
 

I am a bit. Grew up in a non diverse place, go to a super diverse school and now back in a non diverse workspace. It’s hard moving through different cultural environments. I can relate to people but I’m also not very social. And my co workers have only interacted with 5 minorities in their life, so they’re hesitant to talk to me.

 

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