Has your confidence in yourself dwindled over the years?
Historically I found myself to be confident and realistically optimistic overall, but over the past few years I feel like I’ve grown to become super anxious and less self assured. I find I easily change my opinions and get outsmarted or manipulated by my associate who is great at convincing me to stay in my lane and that I’ll never be good enough to be promoted. I struggle to make conversations with people even in my own group sometimes, and sometimes can’t come up with the right words when I talk with people. I randomly find myself to get upset easily over small details which further angers me especially when I’m tired from a long day of working.
Does anyone here have any similar experiences or have any advice for someone in my shoes?
In many ways yes - similar to you, I randomly get anxious or question whether I’m making the right decisions for myself. I get frustrated more easily now compared to before and feel hesitant to discuss or clarify questions because I worry people would think I made a mistake - so instead I just try to avoid conversations like that and hope people don’t notice. I enjoy coming onto this site so I can ask questions and chat with people anonymously so I don’t get judged in case I say anything wrong. Usually in meetings I’m afraid to contribute so I don’t ask many questions or give much insight. I get discouraged easily and feel down about myself sometimes. Then the more I overthink, the less open I become with others and I just stay holed up at my desk quietly all day. You’re not alone, but I also wish I could help more but I am looking for advice myself
Holy fk - OP and commenter above, what kind of places do you work at??
A good manager is supposed to guide you in the right direction when starting out so over time you become more confident and assured in your decisions moving forward so you can make good choices for you and new future team members, while making it easier for your current team. You should feel like they want you to succeed and grow in your role, not just hold you back or make you look bad in front of your team or even new joiners. If you’re constantly worrying or questioning stuff then you haven’t been learning from the right people. It’s likely not you, your associate or whoever is managing you probably wants you to feel stuck and less motivated - some people are just like that but you can’t just keep learning from these types for years and picking up their habits (whether consciously or subconsciously..)
Hi OP here - I think you’re right about the person I’ve been working for for the past almost 2 years, which is a really long time. But it’s been worse because he’ll hold any mistake I’ve made against me, and rather than letting me fix some of the more resolvable stuff, he just wants me to not address it and leave it as is, but talks down on me about it for weeks or even a year afterwards. Then come review season, this ends up making me look bad because I’d get blamed for stuff that could’ve easily addressed but he told me not to, but then come next review season I might get the same feedback as this review season! So I probably shouldn’t follow in his footsteps because I don’t think he’s leading me in the right direction
Not really, on the contrary, the longer I work the less fucks I give
This times a million
I'm in this camp as well. I get worried that this is really due to complacency, but sometimes I wonder if it is really just a matter of psychological growth and being more at peace with my work-life. I had a much better 2023 than 2022 and am "relaxing" a bit more into my role. I feel like this includes having greater confidence in myself, but at the same time I would never want this to translate to hubris.
Did you all feel the same or did the pressure just keep increasing for some?
As an aside, I also have been studying for CFA (now onto Level 3) and feel as though this has taken out a lot of energy from me. Maybe that played a role as well
Yeah noticed people become more sensitive and easily offended as time goes on, where seemingly innocuous or regular questions or statements you make may end up upsetting people around you for some random reason. I’m guessing it’s because people tend to overthink a lot in places where they have a lot of downtime while waiting for comments, but unsure. Has anyone else noticed this?
Quite the opposite for me. I’ve really found myself in my current role and established myself as a key contributor to both my team and the executive team. Direct result of me establishing areas I needed to improve in and doing so.
I’ve worked with shithead seniors before. My first CFO sometimes made it hard for me to respond just in a conversation because he would say such outlandish stuff in an office setting that as a 21 year old, I had no idea how to respond.
If the associate is calling you out on stuff and he’s right, you’ve just gotta be better. Lots of assholes out there tho so if that’s the case here, all I can recommend is you triple check work and ensure your product is correct before sending. Don’t give him opportunities to shit on you
Read some sales books and put yourself in a position where you have to talk to people, a lot of them and often (maybe a side-hustle or volunteer work once twice per month).
It's gonna suck and seem pointless, but it help with gaining confidence in finding the right words when you need them and will pay dividends.
any recommendations?
Me? Nah, I'm a natural when it comes to sales... (what you'll hear over and over... and you (depends on audience) will not often really want to readily admit doing a 'sales training' or reading sales books cause some ppl see that as being.. I guess 'slow' when it comes to communication, just my $0.02 on that).
Ok, I can go on and on about this topic, and... sales in a general sense is communication and understanding the other party WHILE persuading and creating influence.
What's the point - in my personal opinion you need three facets when it comes to sale:, active / aggressive selling, passive, and Socratic (if there was a fourth it's the 'take-away' approach, which really isn't a facet all of it's own, but I've seen in some environments with that being the main approach being used). And I'm not the be all end-all, if you come up with some... new 'paradigm' on sales or have a different outlook, great... this is what I've seen work often, and until I catch-on to any new approach, this is pretty much the layout I like to go by.
So where am I going, you need an overview / foundation of sales psychology and communication, and then supplement with the addt'l approaches outlined above. Your general sales book / training is going to be the feel good sales guy, always positive, some of those that I've seen and read thru:
Zig Ziglar - See You at the Top - a little dated, still very effective, good for a listen on tape, and I have read thru this.
Tommy Hopkins - never read or listened, heard he's good, I'd probably listen... but what you find at some point is most of the sales materials are the same message but in a different fashion, SO, I might listen at some point, and I have a copy someplace, will get around to it but if you find one author you don't like, find someone else who speaks to you, and you'll get the info you need.
Jordan Belfort - we've all seen the movie, badass. the book? I've read the book more times than I've seen the movie all the way through, and this is (in my personal opinion) your best general overview of sales and is a great foundation to build off of (I listened to his SALES book / training .... start to finish 20+ times and read through the book training 5+ times, including reading "Wolf of Wall Street" like 4 times for a read through).
Jeffry Giotmer - the Sales Bible - solid info, kind of for the seasoned sales person in some parts, in my opinion worth a listen at least, I have read thru.
Oren Klaff - Pitch Anything - this is for the guy, who... has a hard time getting ppl to keep their promises so-to-speak, and is a must-read (kind of the opposite of the 'feel good' guy, and what most new sales ppl are lacking - not a good starting point but NEED this in arsenal as a supplementary read).
If you walk away from this post with anything, find the sales materials from Jordan Belfort and also read Oren Klaff - these two are your foundation.
For those of you who might be wondering about Grant Cardone, I like him, he's pretty good, however the foundation that you will get from Jordan is far above and beyond what you'll get from Grant (just my personal opinion), not to say he isn't effective or that you'll come away with a solid foundation, but... Jordan is that dude for a reason, sharp if you ask me and if... his vices didn't get the best of him, as he states he'd be worth BB's today no doubt (all he had to do...), anyway, I'm getting fanboy lol.
Couple addt'l notes, communication is for information and influence, spoils go to the impetuous not the timid (paraphrasing), influence is a major part of the game to get you there.
Some addt'l titles
Robert Cialdini - Influence
Hardball - Robert Shook (pretty old book but still effective, this is active / aggressive - a lot of your titles don't give you this outlook and you need this in your arsenal, Klaff is the other which offers this)
Dale Carnage - Win Friends and Influence People (this is the OG of all sales training, and have heard of this title a million times over from researching, worth a listen).
Anthony (Tony) Robbins - his stuff is good from what I hear, have read parts but a lot of the training I found online offered a decent primer by the time I got around to his materials I had read thru a number of titles already and seemed redundant
NLP stuff is good, but not as a foundation if you ask me
Signals - Allan Pease (older text, have read thru several parts, some of the info dated, some still on point, have not read cover to cover just some parts, helps with body language which you can find several vids on this, you also need practical experience etc. etc. cause some info will not be exactly right etc.).
There's a bunch more, but, you can pick from the above as a starting point and work your way into add'tl materials.
Never Split the DIfference - Chris Voss - this is good, he's been famous for the past 5-6 years now w/this, the main approach is like a very dignified or graceful 'take-away', have read some parts, and have heard several of his interviews, seems solid as a supplement, not very good in my personal opinion as a foundation to build off of but I could be wrong.
Quick background - have done sales training for a number of years and have been in sales in one-way or another since for 10 yrs +, and some high-pressure environments... so grab a title or two (or listen) and... can't be worse than substituting watching tik-tok or shorts for part of your day (ha ha). Cheers.
TLDR - If you walk away from this post with anything, find the sales materials from Jordan Belfort and also read Oren Klaff - these two are your foundation.
This is an easy one for all of us - getting fat
username
Don’t blame your associate for your lack of confidence.
I think it's normal for your self confidence to ebb and flow over the years. I've certainly had times where I've stalled out at work, or gained weight, or just generally feel in a rut and it's hard to feel like you're the king of the world when you're in that headspace. As long as you pull yourself out of it, it's not the end of the world.
If you can't pull yourself out of it, it's time to make some serious life changes.
God, yes. I’ve felt like this for years but never been able to describe it.
The exit is worth it the exit is worth it the exit is worth it the exit is worth it
If I ain’t sleeping much, probably. If I had at least 7 hours of sleep on average that week, I notice I’d have a better mood and overall state of mind
my career has had its fair share of ups and downs because of my decisions to join failed startup funds so I think I have a good perspective here. Having experienced failures multiple times over has definitely hurt my ego; I'm not as open to making wildly bold statements as much as I use to. I feel more and more critical of career opportunities and struggle to show enthusiasm to folks trying to hire me (unless the opportunity is truly amazing). That being said, I wouldn't say that my confidence is hurt. I try to be intellectually honest with my talents and capabilities and remain certain that I'm top X% in some areas and this is evidenced by concrete examples. You have to also acknowledge what you aren't good at too, but realize that that is ok and you'll get better or hire other people to complement you. Having that bottoms-up/honest conviction in your own skills keeps your confidence up because your belief is grounded in logic.
Also, as I get more experienced, it becomes increasingly clear that nobody knows wtf they're doing and the richest people you know are just faking it till they made it. Very few successful people are naturally extremely talented...most are successful through sheer resilience and EQ. This doesn't excuse you from being an intellectual idiot, and wall street seems to love to attract those, but being resilient and persistent is the clearest path to ensure success.
yes - mostly because as I've gotten older, I've taken less risk overtime, and I think confidence is a function of taking action > seeing success > gaining self-belief as a result. the more risk you take and the more you pull off, the more self confidence
I feel more confident after eating a hearty meal
yes.
Was going to be ChadMDJD. work for 14$/hour. children are all grooming victims and cocaine addicts who won't let me take their abusers to fucking court. Live in constant fear of physical and social excoriation. Make < I did while in college. College advertises a huge network who have not once ever tried to help me. Friends jewish extremist Wheaton-educated Demon of a wife excommunicated me from a long term friend group for smirking about a group ofpeople her family are trying to destroy in g***a. Sibling married a transexual they/them who looks like the fucking jellyfish UAP demon. Friend set me up with an ugly woman and is mad I tried to fake a hernia to end the date early. Former crush is getting eaten from the gsh up by whatever billionaire-to-be are at her college. Former boss was going to send me far away for a cushy ass job then former friends bitch wife broke in and told him I was an insensitve man (again, her religion teadhers her that she is tikum olam--spiritually better than me and the people she's trying to destroy) and of course that job is off the table and would've required me to abandon my father and dying mum .Friends who were cool with me or confided in me 3 weeks ago are ghosting and acting like we have never spoken.
""Saved by the cross? a spot was saved for us on the Cross""
Fat, retarded, trailing behind frenemies and reactionaries, languishing in hell. Who knew checking out a dude one time in college would earn me, and exclusively me and no other faggots, a lifetime boiling in shit?
So, yes, sometimes we have good days and we have not-so-good-days.
Holy macarons, you put up with this for that long? How even lol
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