How i-Banking is like the Wizard of Oz

The All Nighter Blog: How i-Banking is like the Wizard of Oz

Itâ€s Christmas and youâ€re sitting back home stateside, watching the Wizard of Oz, and it strikes you that the wonderful world of i-banking is very much like the wonderful wizard of Oz.

DOROTHY: Dorothy is none other than yours truly, dreaming of a place where there isnâ€t any trouble. Ok, a little more specifically, dreaming of place where there isnâ€t any trouble for yours truly. A place where youâ€ve made MD and nobody can throw shit your way. A magical place where smartass associates try to catch you off guard with a well though of question that you really should have thought of in the first place, and you simply shut them up by saying:

“Excellent initiative, but why are you coming to me with a half-assed job?”

You look at the shocked associate with a look of pure bliss on your face.

“Youâ€ve thought of the problem, now go and bring me the solution. The firm doesnâ€t pay you to get a job half-done.”

Ah, yes, that wonderful land over the rainbow…

Somewhere on the top floor, Way up high, Thereâ€s an office I heard of, Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere on the top floor, An office with a view, And a hot assistant like Rupertâ€s, Just for you.

Somewhere on the top floor, Where you can actually see the sky, And donâ€t need to do any work, Because workâ€s for the likes of you and I.

TOTO: Toto is the faithful intern that yours truly has the joy of training. Toto follows you around wherever you go, does all the shit you donâ€t want to do, and hey presto, is always happy to do it because youâ€re helping good little Toto to climb up the steep learning curve, being the superstar first year analyst you are (you know that you really are no such thing, but remember the first rule of posturing – you want to be a superstar, so you present yourself as such and in no time you are a superstar.

THE MUNCHKINS: Accountants, consultants and other third party service providers who will be very happy to work for you rather than the Wicked Witch of the East (probably the associate that was staffed on the project without an analyst and was a complete hardass on all other advisers until passing on the co-ordination duties to you).

SCARECROW: Famed for saying “you could go this way, but some people also go that way”, and lacking a brain, the scarecrow could be none other but your regular headhunter. There you are walking along the road, and without asking, youâ€re approached by someone you donâ€t know, sitting at the crossroad, telling you could go this way, or that way, and not really making you any the wiser.

THE WITCH: The staffer whose official capacity is to use their power and influence to ensure work is distributed equally amongst the ranks and that you get to where you want to go. What the staffer is meant to be like is something like the nice Witch of the North. What a staffer is really like is the Wicked Witch of the West. Also, the staffer, much like the Wicked Witch of the West, is constantly trying to take Toto away from you.

THE WIZARD OF OZ: Rupert. At the end of the day, the Wizard is at the end of the yellow brick road. Just like the wizard, Rupertâ€s post implies that he aught to be able to make your dreams come true and give you what you want, but as we all know, there is no such thing as a free lunch. You go to see him, asking for holiday, promotion, better deals, whatever it is, and he will be sure to: a) Put you down to ensure he establish his BSD status, just in case you had forgotten b) Promise to give you what you want, but you have to do something for him first c) So he will ask you to stick it out and set an example to the rest of the ranks

Promotion: a) Iâ€m an MD, youâ€re an analyst. Me BSD, you nobody. b) Sure, Iâ€ll push for your promotion, but you need to do something for me. c) Wait for six months and no complaining to the other analysts. Result: wait until everyone is promoted and so will you. You would have achieved this by never going in to see Rupert in the first place.

Salary increase: a) Iâ€m an MD, youâ€re an analyst. Me BSD, you nobody. b) Sure, Iâ€ll push for your salary increase, but you need to do something for me. c) Wait for six months and no complaining to the other analysts. Result: wait until everyoneâ€s salary is increased and so will yours. You would have achieved this by never going in to see Rupert in the first place.

You ask, and Rupert sends you off, with the impression that you have received what you wanted, without really doing anything, and relying on the system and you to solve the problem single handedly.

Moral of the story, a brainless scarecrow, heartless tin man and wimpy lion are all it takes to fill Rupertâ€s shoes. And all that in Technolocolour.

. . . Orginally posted on the The All Nighter Blog