I LOVE PRESTIGE (PJT)

I walk into PJT’s gorgeous white marble office every single day surrounded by prestigious, bright, talented co workers. No non targets. No diversity. Just perfection. It feels like the 80s. We do massive deals, we used to be Blackstone, and we exit to any fucking buy side fund we want. PJT. It’s so sexy. Best EB by far. You think I care that a CVP/PWP has a similar size and analyst profile? It doesn’t come close. Evercore is basically a BB. Lazard’s culture is reminiscent of the slave trade. And Moelis is so fucking ugly. Ahhh, PJT. I’m so happy here. Fuck you PJ soloman analysts.

PJT!!!! Prestigious Jewish Tax-Avoiders (PJT).

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You think I give a damn about a boutique? Half of you bankers can't even stomach me, let alone stand me. "But Associate 2, what if you make MD? Wouldn't it be weird?" Why, so you guys can just lie to get me here? So you can sit me here next to financiers? Shit Charles Scharf better switch me chairs so I can sit next to Liz Warren and AOC, see em argue over how much the board pays me. Little bitch, put me on blast in DC, "Yeah he's cute but prioritizes shareholders over people, hehe." I should download her Birth Certificate in PNG and show the whole world how she lied about being Native to get her PHD! 

I'm sick of you little IB groups, all you do is annoy me, so I saved over the working version of of the model to destroy you. There's a million of us just like me, dress like me, 'Gonia Vest like me, claiming Elite Boutiques, might just be the next best thing but not quite BB!

 

Call me at 555-555-6111 when you need food delivery. I deliver hot dogs and my life goal is to deliver one to a PJT analyst 

 

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Career Advancement Opportunities

November 2026 Investment Banking

  • Evercore 01 99.5%
  • Moelis & Company 01 99.0%
  • JPMorgan 01 98.4%
  • Guggenheim Partners 02 97.9%
  • Morgan Stanley 06 97.4%

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  • Moelis & Company No 99.5%
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