Date girl for 2 years
Work full time at GS/MS/JPM IBD
Love her to the bottom of my heart
She is in med school to be neurosurgeon
Realized that I want to come home to her more and live happy life
Was previously a very lonely lad
Want to sacrifice everything for love.
Looking for advice. Have offer from small boutique close to her school, pays less but better hours
Should I do it?
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No, what if she dumps you dumbass?
Einstein, he is prioritizing himself. That's the whole point of this post: Is it better for OP to pursue love or to pursue internet forum prestige?
I was initially thinking this but they have been together 2 years which makes it a bit different. OP also brings up distance which is a pretty big factor in straining relationships. Finally, he seems to have already done time at a BB which makes the move less of a big deal since he can always point back to his BB experience. I’m not saying he should automatically move, but I think he needs to consider how strong the relationship is and act accordingly.
I’d just be careful that you’re making this decision for you and not just for her (Ie if you break up for some reason would you be kicking yourself or still think it was a good move Bc it allows for better WLB?). I think it’s a totally fair to go to a firm with better WLB to focus on your relationship / family / enjoy non-professional aspects of life but I’d take some time to make sure you understand the impact on your career / life and that you’re fully comfortable with it (vs just missing your gf and making a short-sighted decision).
When has the IB forum become a dating advice forum?
Investment bankers have significant others too bud. This is a place where others might have the same experiences and can impart insights on how they navigated having an SO in banking. If you don’t like a post don’t read it.
when banks started hiring teens, who can't think about anything except their dicks
I'll have you know I'm a young adult who can't think about anything except my dick
I tend to disagree with the crowd that will say "what if this girl dumps you", "always prioritize your career", etc. I think a relationship can be fulfilling in ways that a job will never be, so there's a lot of value in pursuing that. Nonetheless, sacrificing everything for love is not the way to go. It's very likely that part of what attracted this girl to you is your ambition, drive, etc. Completely foregoing your career at her expense is very shortsighted. You will both be better off if you are able to pursue whatever path it is you want to go in.
I think the reality is you want a better lifestyle. That's totally fine but stop thinking about it in the context of your relationship if she's not the one asking you to leave (doesn't sound like that's the case). If you think like that and things don't work out for you professionally, you'll end up resenting her, when it really wasn't her fault.
Need her instagram to make that call mate.
Neurosurgeons don't exactly work a 9-5 either bro.
Neurosurgery is a 7-year residency program with brutal hours. Regardless of what you do, if she goes this route, you will be spending a lot of time without her because of her schedule.
Whenever I see posts like this it reminds me of my SA when I was madly in love with a girl who I had just started dating (8 months). I felt the same sentiment as you and wanted to spend all my free time with her.Was it hard to balance maintaining the relationship and working 80-100 hours a week? Yes. Did I set expectations going into the internship and still do full-time? Absolutely. Did I cancel some date nights and other planned time together in order to secure the return? Yup.I think it's a hard thing to balance for sure but I wouldn't give up your career at a top BB to spend more time with her. As many others have said, given she's in med school and has career aspirations of her own you guys should use the relationship to help each other achieve these goals. I also don't agree with the people saying "think about yourself you can find another girl" My GF (same one from SA time) also is looking at working in medicine and we both understand that sometimes date night isn't gonna work out. The BIGGEST thing to make it work is communication. If she's the right one then she will stick around despite the long hours. Give it some time before you do anything rash you don't want to do anything you'll regret.
Also consider moving in together? My GF and I are making the move in the summer to spend more time with each other. Not sure about your situation , obviously it’s a big step and not for everyone.
Couple things:
1) She'll be married to her hospital. lots of on calls at 2AMs (and always Friday and saturday night too) doing pointless craniotomies on drunk trauma victims who vomit up Taco Bell and sangria on the table during induction, for the next 7 odd years …
your fantasy of seeing her or coming home to her is laughable. And when she is home, shes going to be studying Or prepping for the next day or sleeping. Or hanging you'll be out with her coresidents who understand her stress and you'll be a 9th wheel. You’ll never see her. Not how you imagine it. 80 hours is the starting point despite the law…
She won’t be the same person coming out of that program as she was going in. And thats by design…. The gov’t is investing millions into her training….
2) Shes in med school. If she hasn’t matched a residency yet, you’re moving for no reason, shes just going to move again… and you too..
3) If shes serious about that path and not just saying it cause shes a first year and it sounds fun, she’s already picked her career over you.
4) also never pick the girl at this stage. Focus on yourself. ESP b/c shes made her decision already.
and on a supportive note, maybe look into therapy for depression or lean on some friends. Don’t throw away all you’ve worked for.
Lots of stereotypical advice on here that you would expect from college kids. I'll bite though.
I am not in that different of a position, I am in love with a girl I've been dating for two years. She is my world. I think about our future all the time, and coming home to her makes me happier than almost anything else. I lived the majority of my life alone, and even when I had opportunities to date different girls, I usually wasnt interested. I sort of always knew what I wanted and finally found it, and it is just as perfect as I imagined. Now comes the part where my situation resembles yours.
I have an opportunity to move to take a PE job in a different city. I would have to pack up and move across the country in order to get the job of my dreams. It would mean long distance for at least one year, more likely than not, ~2. At this point it is probably the girl I would marry, and my alternative would be to work a job I like with decent hours but ok comp. However I could live with her and make a good life.
At this point I know that the relationship will bring me more happiness than the job, so if I do get the offer and make the move I will be willing to return if I feel like Im losing out on the relationship. I feel as though I have to take the job, but I know the relationship is more important. My advice to you, see if you can make your IBD job work while she grinds as a neuro surgeon. If you cannot, evaluate which ultimately brings you more happiness. For many on this forum, it is work first, always. However, think about how many miserable rich old men you know. At least for me, it is roughly half of those with over 10 mm net worth. It isnt as black and white as top IBD firm vs. small boutique. You can keep searching for the right job, and try different things. After all, you are an IBD Analyst 1, you are young and have plenty of time to try different things. I am sure both the girl and the job are extremely importance to your happiness and sense of self worth. If you can, continue to find that perfect balance. If work is too much (maybe it already is), and you are madly in love with this girl and expect that she is / might be "the one", then prioritize her. However, make sure she feels the same way. If you are thinking about making a switch firm-wise, make sure she wants that too and is on board with you taking your relationship to the next level (e.g., moving in, discussing long-term plans, etc.).
Remember, I am just one data point, but I hope my perspective helps. Also, remember 99% of the feedback you receive on these posts are from folks who have ultimately made great sacrifices to preserve and strengthen their career. In other words, you are getting advice solely from one end of the spectrum. Talk to your folks and close friends as well, both those in IBD and those who took "less ambitious" career paths. This is ultimately a major life decision.
You can lose a lot of money chasing a hoe, but you’ll never lose a hoe chasing the money.