Idgaf anymore

Every week more of my body is going numb. Started in my right foot. Moving up and now my left foot. I feel my blood pressure pounding everywhere. Been clocking 110+ hour weeks since december. I don’t even care if I get a stroke or heart attack at this point

 
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Jesus Christ you need to see a doctor. At some point you need to value your own life over 3 AM logo formatting. Like this is the kind of thing that can literally cause long term health complications that are irreversible, or even worse, like you said, you might actually have a heart attack or stroke. Trust me, when your body is completely fucked years from now you won't look back and say "it was worth it because I got to MD at a top bank". I would take out the highest loan possible and bet that plus my life savings that you would be filled with inconceivable regret. Please man, take care of yourself. It's obvious through the way that you wrote this post that it is your brain's way of coping with the stress (something called benign masochism), and usually when it gets to the that point it means its time to see someone. You've proven that you have the balls to endure 120 hour work weeks, but do you have the balls to finally stand up for your own well-being? I don't give a shit how many hours you work if you can't man up to whoever your boss is and say that you need to see someone and can't take the stress anymore. It doesn't make you a pussy for taking a break to find out what's wrong. In fact, you would only be a pussy if you didn't do that because you would once again be prioritizing your fucking bank that in all honesty could not care less about you for your own physical, mental, and emotional health. I would also look into some of the threads of people who left banking and see how they did it + where they're at now so you can start planning an exit. This is not sustainable. I mean it's only been a few months of this, and from your title you're only a first year. How do you plan to put up with the bullshit for another year? Spoiler: you won't be able to. It's smarter to a) immediately push back to your superiors and say you need a few days off to see a doctor and at least try to somewhat recover (which really won't be possible unless you have way more time off), and b) start looking for exit options. Unless there is a light at the end of the tunnel where you know for a verifiable fact that your bank will go back to "normal" banking hours (which are still fucking horrendous), you need to take action for your own sake right now. I say this in the most endearing way possible: stop being a bitch to someone who would replace you within a day if you dropped dead right now. Stand up for yourself. If you have any other questions or just want to talk (which is probably hard considering how much you're working) feel free to PM me. I'll be thinking of and praying for you.

 
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I don't even care if I get a stroke or heart attack at this point.

Pardon my ignorance but I'm confused by your post. Do you not care about the job anymore or about your health & well-being? I hope its not the latter. Money is never worth a premature death.

Edit: To the non-target virgin scum, touched as a kid that decided to give me an MS for asking a legit question, I wish you a life time flat line analyst career at Moelis into perpetuity.

 

Your career should last you 15+ years if you do everything right, and 35+ if you are the avg joe. You sound like you are okay with dying before even hitting the 5 year mark.. Swap careers now. You will be able to make IB money in far-less demanding roles in industries that you are passionate about (even if it takes an extra 8 years to get there). 

 

Tbh bud, feel the exact same way. Have been facing some physical health problems lately but ultimately felt a bit “excited” in a weird way when I got the news, since I thought it might make it so I die earlier. It took me a few weeks to realize how truly terrible it was to think like that. I don’t feel particularly different at the moment, but hopefully I can figure out some lifestyle changes in the near future.

Thank you for sharing btw, it’s good to know that I’m not alone in this battle. I hope you can recover soon. You deserve it.

 

I'm sorry, but 3 heart attacks? That is legitimately terrifying, making 40-60% more than your average corporate drone is not worth shaving 40 years off your life expectancy.

 

If your exit is all about deal experience, does it really matter in killing yourself to be top bucket?  Can you take longer than you normally would to finish tasks/models/slides just to give yourself an extra 20-30 min at a time to catch your breath?  

 

Pains me to see analysts in these situations thinking they're gutting it out to join some elite club of guys who broke through to the other side when in reality they're just getting closer to joining the elite club of harambe / billy mays / cecil the lion / etc. I think you are seriously under appreciating the negative value of dying in your decision making / expected value here. Things like asking for time off are, in my experience, always viewed by the analysts as being 100x worse than they are by others. Who cares if your associate has a negative view of you because you needed time to recharge? There is a non-zero chance they are a huge fucking loser dealing with their own insecurities. Take care of yourself. Please.

 

I hear you and am going through the same thing. The maltreatment of junior IB analysts is nothing short of inhumane. I have gotten close to quitting many times and wouldn't blame you if you decided to quit. This job just simply isn't worth it. 

 

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