Improvements for my cold email format?

Hi everyone, I've been starting to send out cold emails to analysts and associates at my target IB firms, and was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on my email template?

Dear Name,
My name is Name, and I am currently a first-year student at [Semi-target school], which I noticed via your LinkedIn profile that you are an alumnus of. I am interested in learning more about investment banking as it is my target career, and your insights on Firm in particular, as you have had an admirable career progression.
Would you have some time [Availability] for a quick call to discuss this? I have attached my CV for further context.
Best wishes, Name

For those who studied the same course as me, I have also mentioned this in the first line. Where I can, I often try to bring up something in particular I want to discuss, derived from their LinkedIn, or if they're a woman, I bring up something to do with how their experience is being a women in finance. (I'm a girl so this is relevant to me!)

Any feedback would be very much appreciated :)

4 Comments
 
Most Helpful

A few comments that helped me get a good response rate in my cold emails:

1. I would mention your specifically interested in their group as well since this will show further interest in not just the firm but also the specific group ( do some research before the call if you're able to get one).

2. I would include a one-liner going over some experience (could be an investment club maybe since you are only a freshman) shows that you have been taking steps in the right direction, for me it was "I have previous internships in PE where my team closed 2 acquisitions and VC where I pitched multiple investments in early-stage tech companies" once again will be different based on experience but I think it helped with my cold emails.

3. Definitely leave a line break in between each line of text, this makes the email look better and easier to read.

At the end of the day it's a numbers game and one small change won't double your response rate, also I'm only an intern so while this worked for me, some more experienced bankers may have better advice.

 

thank you so much! i did add line breaks just removed them for the post :)

if i mention my specific interest in the group, should i also include a reason why or just keep it concise?

 

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