Investment Banks as Football Clubs

GS = Real Madrid. Biggest name in their respective worlds, nothing else to say.

MS = Barcelona. Another enormous name but seen as 2nd to Real Madrid

JPM = Manchester United. One of the biggest names in the world. Doesn't have as many accolades as the above 2 but still competes on a name brand basis.

BofA = Bayern Munich. Very solid name who always competes at the top level, although not seen as big as the above 3.

Citi = Liverpool. Another very solid name who regularly competes at the top level.

Evercore = Manchester City. New kid on the block with a lot of money who now competes at the highest level.

PJT Partners = PSG. Similar story to above but not quite as big.

Lazard = Chelsea. Solid name who performs well - also pays a lot of money similar to the above 2.

Barclays = Juventus. Usually are around competing at the highest level but never really the best.

Rothschild = Arsenal. Performs well domestically but doesn't really do anything outside of it's home market.

Jefferies = Dortmund. Somehow always manages to punch above their weight but so far hasn't been able to break into the big leagues.

UBS = Spurs. They're pretty big but they just embarrass themselves when competing with the best.

Deutsche Bank = Atletico Madrid. Similar story to above. They're pretty big and often compete at the top level but inevitably they end up embarrassing themselves.

Wells Fargo = AC Milan. A huge name but have just fell off now.

HSBC = Inter. Again a huge name but are largely irrelevant now.

CVP/Qatalyst/FTP = Newcastle. New names with a ton of money to spend - will be amongst the biggest soon enough.

BNP Paribas = Marseille. Big name in their own country but irrelevant on the global stage.

SocGen = Lyon. Similar story to above.

Nomura = Everton. Both sizable names who embarrass themselves.

Moelis/PWP = RB Leipzig. New name with money but not on the level of EVR/PJT

HL = Ajax. Level below the top names but outperforms in certain niches (Rx/UCL).

RBC = Benfica. Top name in their respective countries but a cut below the top global players.

Mediobanca = Napoli. Big in Italy but irrelevant on the global stage.

MUFG = Roma. Both mid.

Mizuho = Lazio. Both mid.

Raine Group = Sevilla. Both should be irrelevant but they both somehow win on the global stage (Europa league/raine's recent deals)

Robey Warshaw = Brighton. Seriously outperforms with a very small budget.

This is in terms of club size and historical performance throughout the years - not current performance.

53 Comments
 

Have you ever been to a game outside of the UK? I don't think you have if you have looking at this list... 'historical performance throughout the years' my ass

 

bluecollarfinanceguy

Did you guys know that Texas is 4x bigger than all of Europe?

Do you know Russia is about 2x the size of USA?

 

This list is pretty much just 'best football team' = 'best investment bank' - might as well pull up a ranking of each and look at them side by side. Got to add some more context for why ones Madrid and the other is Barcelona for example - some similarities

 

Wall Street is located in the United States and we call it "soccer" in these lands

 

You Americans think that the world revolves around y'all when the fact is that football (aka soccer to all y'all) was invented decades before American football existed as a sport. For fucks sake American football isn't even 'football' y'all run around the field carrying the ball in your hands tackling people lmao. Anyway meant no disrespect but don't go around calling it soccer just because a 300mil out of the worlds 7bil people call it soccer since that's not the sports name and never has been since the day it was created.

 

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