Why is Moelis is a Better Goldman Sachs Than Goldman Sachs?

Goldman Sachs, the epitome of prestige (here on referred to as 'Steege), eh? We've all heard, the lean teams, learning from legendary dealmakers, headline grabbing deals and eight figure pay days. 

Well what if I told you that all of these things don't correlate to Goldman Sachs and haven't for decades? What if I told you that Moelis is a better Goldman Sachs than Goldman Sachs is. 

What is this 'Steege' all about anyway? Let's spell it out:

• Pay. Goldman underpays their employees, Moelis is top of street. Both at the junior levels and senior levels, Moelis out pays Goldman. 
• Rainmakers. You tell me who you would rather have as your bank's top dealmaker, Ken Moelis or a guy who does hacky DJing at small restaurants like some agent of average middle-aged man going through a divorce trying to find a new hobby
• Exit Opps. Given Moelis' focus on true advisory & M&A work, graduates of the Associate/Analyst programs are encouraged to and succeed at finding god-tier PE exits. Goldman's exits are alright but nothing to quit your career and become a DJ over either. 
• Swag. Literally all Goldman rainmakers are balding. Ken Moelis still got a hairline. 
• Technical Skills. Because Moelis has leaner teams and focuses on higher value advisory work, junior bankers will leave with a superior skill set that it would take years to develop getting micromanaged on small ancillary tasks at a BB.
• Illustrious Deal History. Guess who sold Barstool? I'll give you a hint, same guys who sold WWE. Goldman is still leveraging their hacky relationships with third-world wealth funds to gin up deal activity (see 1MBD scandal)  
• Giant Dingers. The Moelis bankers are former athletes who used to pitch heat and hit fat dingers on the baseball field. Goldman bankers are confirmed goobers on cleats.
• Experience. You tell me what you'd rather experience. Hitting fat dingers and swaging out at Moelis or losing your hair and dropping pop flys at Goldman?