Non-Target cold email template: please help

I am an undergrad at a no name state school, so I am using the organization relations route rather than school alumni route in this email template. I also have a question about emailing people from other non-targets, who I have no connection to whatsoever. I am not sure how to explain why I am contacting them specifically, other than the fact that they are from state schools like me and I hope they are more understanding. Or should I leave out how I found them entirely?

Subject: [Fraternity] Undergrad looking for Career Advice

Dear Mr. , My name is Name and I am a Junior at university majoring in finance. I have previously interned as an M&A analyst at Firm, and I am currently interning at Firm as a private equity summer analyst. I found your information while looking for fraternity alumni, who work in the investment banking industry.

I understand that you are busy, but I was hoping you would be open to a brief phone call in the next week to talk about your experience in the investment banking industry. I am more than happy to accommodate whatever time works best to fit your schedule.

Thank you, Name

4 Comments
 

I'd say: - state you're a rising junior to get rid of any ambiguity surrounding what year you are - get rid of the comma after "fraternity alumni" - drop the "Dear Mr." for a "Hi First Name" if they're an associate or younger - List specific blocks of time you're available (but state that you can work with their schedule) - Say, "I have attached my resume for your reference." or something along those lines, if you have a well-formatted and fleshed-out resume.

 

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