Should I leave IB for my girlfriend, who I want to marry and have a family with?
I am going to preface this by saying I drank an entire bottle of wine before posting this, as it's hard for me to talk about this stuff in a super serious manner otherwise.
I have known my girlfriend since the 7th grade. I had a huge crush on her the moment I saw her; obviously that was just infatuation at the time, but we got together in high school and have been together since. I don’t mean to sound all sappy, but I really really lover her, and I am 100% certain I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
Ironically, I also found out about IB while I was in 7th grade, and I wanted to do it since then. I was just really interested in finance and markets. The problem is, with IB, I can't spend as much time as I want to with her. Honestly, I want to move to the suburbs, buy a house, and have kids and all of that kind of cheesy things with her, but I also really enjoy my career in IB. I would also be lying if I said I wasn't loving the money. I made 400k as a first year assc. at an EB last year (inclusive of promotion bonus).
So I guess my question is, what would you guys do in this situation? Would you exit to corp fin/dev and never make more than 200k for the rest of your life (for reference, my girlfriend is a school teacher), or would you stay in IB and try to somehow make this relationship work with the killer hours? I guess at the most basic level, I'm asking if you would choose your relationship or money/lifestyle? The sucky part is my parents made 700k a year when I was growing up, and my brother who is a doctor makes 350k a year. I just feel inferior if I exit to corp stuff, esp. because 1) my parents were poor savers and I will not get much of an inheritance, and 2) when I asked my bro about this, he was a jerk and told me that I would be a loser if I made less than him.
I'm sorry if I sound like an idiot in this. Please keep in mind that I am drunk. Also please don't make fun of me for not being able to confront my problems without alcohol. And if you're name is Richard, fuck off and don't respond to this. As a note, I did not proof read this either.
Thanks in advance for any helpful advice.
Wait till you're a VP to propose.
Btw don't feel inferior to your family if you decide to switch out of IB for better work life balance. You made 400k in a year bro. People would die to be where you're at, making a first world problem out of a selfless career decision while crying your eyes out over a full bottle of whine and also calling your parents bad savers because you won't get that high of an inheritance.
Wait a second...please tell me you're trolling bro.
Got for it dude. Life is short.
Incredibly based. Money isn't meaning, don't die without meaning.
Believe he means biased
https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/based/
"Based is a slang term that originally meant to be addicted to crack cocaine (or acting like you were), but was reclaimed by rapper Lil B for being yourself and not caring what others think of you—to carry yourself with swagger."
I don't know how I could handle going from 400k a year to 90k...
90k all in coming in with 3-4+ years of banking experience? Sounds criminally low to me (assuming job is in a high COL area).
For reference—I am a second year IB analyst and have been interviewing for finance/strategy roles at startups and growth companies (no F500s however). Haven’t had pushback when I’ve given $80k+ as my desired comp.
move to a non-M&A role at an EB with chiller hours or more to another bank in like DCM or private funds group or some shit so the pay cut isnt that steep
Could also go into corporate or commercial banking. At the BB I'm at, plenty of the higher ups are ex-IB guys who started families and wanted something more laid back. Great way to make 200-500k at the RM level while working 40-50 hour weeks
Do it baby, let us know how it goes. At the end of the day finance is just a paycheck. Which version of you feels more empty? You without finance or you without the love of your life?
Habibi I'll update this one day when I'm not drunk. You're right though. I guess I can imagine a life without IB pay, however sucky it may be, but I absolutley cannot imagine a life without her. And for what its worth, my bitch ass brother hasn't dated anyone since hs and he's a 35 year old doctor. Fuck him that fucking cunt.
You Lebanese bro? same - RIP Beirut
Does anyone else wish they could tag Richard?
Hey OP, does she love you as much as you do? If she does, then leaving IB for a lesser demanding role would definitely be something to consider. Also, if she does love you a lot then maybe you guys may both agree that you should grind out these hours for a couple to a few more years so that you can obtain the financial status you're looking for as much as possible. If she doesn't love you OP, then it's always money > girls - but, you wouldn't be here asking us for advice if you didn't think she loved you, or if you didn't polish a bottle of wine on a Sunday night by yourself.
Playing devil's advocate because I'm definitely pro-love, but how can you stand dating the same person for 9 whole years?! Respect, truly, especially seeing as you dated her during the most formative time in your life when people are changing yearly if not daily.
Keeping that in mind, if you've been together 9 years I doubt working demanding hours is a deal-breaker for her at this point. In fact it may work to your benefit, as absence makes the heart grow fonder. If you had too much free time on your hands, you may start to not appreciate the time you do spend with, and vice versa. I would seriously consider grinding it out a little longer.
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No shit there are enough people trying to be an associate - you didn't address his issue at all. He's clearly not ungrateful for his position lol take your incel ass somewhere else LMFAO
sounds like you just need to go join a DCM shop and cop the ring bro
Fuck IB dude, find something else. Spending forever with someone you are so obviously in love with sounds so much better.
Came here to say this. It sounds like you are incredibly successful career wise, and I have no doubt you will excel in whatever you pursue.
Look into atypical roles as well, what about being an investment manager for an endowment fund? For good corp dev roles you could apply for a Manager role and your all in could be 150-200k, going upward steadily. What about joining a more lax LMM PE fund? If your success continues there, you could receive some carry off the bat with opportunities to increase your percentage. What about DCM, or something with somewhat better hours? What about B school? What about being a VP of Finance or possibly even CFO at a smaller company? What about joining a boutique (not EB) where you can come on as VP with better hours?
A couple good questions to ask yourself is, how much do I feel I need/want to cut my hours back by? How much will I need to make to feel successful? What roles meet both criteria? Do I have people within my network that can help me quickly transition into these roles?
If you make 200k a year, you'll be making enough to give your potential children all the opportunities they need. Idk, maybe its just me, but I would have a hard time risking a relationship with the girl of my dreams that I have spent 5-10 years with. Your decision is a hard one but my main advice is make sure you've considered all options before making a decision.
I don't understand. You have a job you love, with pay you like, and an awesome girl. You're already mid-level. If you wait a little longer, you'll be promoted and even less of your time will be demanded by your work. It sounds like you have it all. Why not sit back, chill out, and enjoy the ride? As a school teacher your gal will not be the main breadwinner of your family. So you'll need to be that for your household. So bringing in more money will be helpful. You do NOT know that you'll like the corporate world better, even if they do give you less work to do. So why mess up a good thing?
Jobs come and go, but family is forever. If you found the girl you're going to marry, then you do need to make her a priority. However you also need to be aware that that the biggest stressor on a family is finances, and she's elected to be a school teacher, which means you bringing in a high salary is actually to the benefit of your family's stability. And you actually ENJOY your job. If you were coming in here complaining about either your job or GF I think the advice might be different. But because both of these aspects of your life seem to be functioning well I don't see why you need to throw one or the other away. You should also be mindful of 'grass-is-greener' syndrome. Yes, a corporate job might have fewer hours. But it will ALSO come with problems, which can include politics, the need to develop internal buy-in with decision makers, a corporate culture that you cannot at the onset predict, and also possibly some long hours anyway. I've worked in financial services, PE and corporate and I can tell you that it's quite possible that a lower-paying corporate job can make you just as unhappy as an IBD job, and with less opportunity to switch projects or managers.There are just too many variables you can't predict about a new role. Simply put, if you've got something that's working for you now, don't mess it up. Be happy, milk it, grind and climb, and actively practice gratitude.
If you hated IB, perhaps making moves might make sense, but you DON'T hate IB. You're just wanting to maximize the GF situation. That's understandable and commendable. I would instead recommend you focus on trying to make the most of the time you do have with her, and put some of your money towards making her feel special.
Yes
Firstly, I have to admit, I have been a lurker and, while tempted, never bother to post bc I can't have a social presence due to my position. I don't have LI, FB, IG,whatever. I don't exist on the web. I am in my early 50's with a successful practice and enough material assets that I will never, ever be able to spend it all in my lifetime.
I have lived a lot, experienced a lot. Times are changing, but what never changes is some young buck contemplating what the OP is pondering here. I just couldn't stand it anymore and needed to post a comment
In any case, my two cents are to ditch the girl. Live live, experience it, savor it, and then settle down later. Money doesn't get your happiness, but it is an enabler. It won't change you unless you are some spineless weasel with no principles. Money will only amplify who you are. -and you will need money regardless...particularly if your S/O is in some career track like teaching, non-profit, or career with a limited earning potential
Yes, you sound all sappy and P-Whipped. You will get over it once you break lose from this addictive behavior.
You are young, you are a male. You have the advantage of getting hot women, and falling in love all over again with someone a decade younger/older than you. Don't settle for what you have until you have experienced more. Don't weigh yourself with some sappy, romantic version of a life that doesn't exist.
Go and make bank, do a stint overseas, date a lot, fornicate a lot. Take some good drugs, but don't get hooked on them. Invest, build wealth, acquire some material assets.
But don't run out on the opportunity you currently have. Take it as far as you can and monetize the hell out it. Delayed gratification is the key to success. Don't cut yourself short.
(excuse typos, typing on a small device)