Swaying

analytics

You're already pretty late on this one kid... if you're just starting now as a sophomore in HS, chances are pretty slim that you'll make it far in finance.

That being said, I think there are a few things you could do to increase your chances of becoming a BSwayingD:

1. Put together a solid resume. You should probably have a few decent work experiences already. Do you go to a target high school? Did you spend a summer during middle school at a prestigious accounting firm? Make sure to include all of that. If your major GPA isn't very good, just include how many AP classes you're taking.
2. Do as many informational interviews as you can. Make sure to let them know that although you're only a sophomore, you want to get into the Goldman Sachs as quick as possible. Let them know that you want to have the swayiest dick out there too, bankers love honesty.
3. Start your own quasi-investment bank. Like you mentioned early, a great way to break into banking is by starting your own bank. Ask your teachers and friends for capital, and look for any local businesses that could be potential M&A targets. Does the local bagel shop and coffee stand have some synergies? Consider approaching your local movie rental store and see if you can land a restructuring gig. Hire a few freshmen and 8th graders to do all of the modeling work.
4. Penis enlargement pills. Try to find a few sketchy porn sites on your high school's internet, and click on the ads about the penis enlargement pills. Make sure all the numbers on your mom's credit card are correct.

It's going to be tough, but I see Blackstone Corporate PE written all over you. Keep us posted with how your search process goes. Best of luck.

HAHAHAHAH oh my god. I'm dead.

Should I take my local business clients out for bottles and models? How expensive can that get? I ball on a budget baby haha!

lmao one of the best posts I've come across on here. +1 SB