The Despairing Endeavour Of Self-Respect

I respect my family. I call them on a weekly basis to catch-up and tell them how much I love them. They are my everything. I won't them give up, they are too important.

I respect my girlfriend. I set-up dates and proactively try to make her day better. I will not give up on my pursuit of love.

I respect my friends. I tell them how much they mean to me and I try to set up times to hang out on a weekly basis. Sometimes they hurt me, but, I will push through and continue working towards building a community for myself.

I respect my colleagues. I can show up to work at 8am when needed and turn comments until late into the night. Through all the bullshit, I will survive and tough it out.

I am last on this list. I don't respect myself and I do the bare minimum to improve myself. I keep my house clean, but, irregularly go to the gym, don't eat the healthiest, waste time on Youtube/Netflix after work, don't read like I used to, stopped various hobbies like learning how to code, stopped trying new food, stopped going for walks etc. I have these dreams and goals in my head that feel like I can achieve them by working towards them on a daily basis, but, it just feels like I don't have the energy for it. I have surrendered and I don't have the courage anymore. 

Why is this? Why is it so hard?

I feel like prioritizing oneself is the most important thing to do first, but why is it so difficult? I feel constantly bruised knowing everyday that I am actively hurting myself by doing this, yet, I still try helping others instead of pursuing continual improvement for myself.