Investment Bankers have a secret way of communicating with one another. Whether it's a discreet nod or those matching Ferragamo shoes/ties, bankers have a fraternal pact with one another that everyone outside the industry just wouldn't understand.
However, you'll soon realize not only is there a lot of group think going on, but everyone likes to use the same jargon.
From MD's to Analysts, here we go:
"Let's add some color" "Stet" "Need more thought" "Can we beef this up?" "thanks" "thx" "tx" "thank you for your hard work" "thanks for pulling a late night" "ETA?" "Guys, what's the timing on this?" "Hey, how's it going?" "How are we doing?" "Let me opine on this" "Let me give you some thoughts" "Comments are coming shortly" "?" "???" "!!!" "increase the multiples" "pls" "make sense?" "will do" "sounds good" "need more" "more" " :)" "can we make these boxes rounder?" "i don't love it" "i don't hate it" "pls fix"
Mod Note (Andy): One of the posts of 2017 that have the most views .
always using hyphens - because it's cool
The double hyphen was passed down to me from my senior banker, and someday I'll do the same to some pos pledge.
:)
i think using double hyphens in my emails is why I got my interviews—glad i learned young
Someone started a thread on jargon a few months ago that was very good. The absolute worst is the "thx" in my opinion.
https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/bankisms
This also reminded me of that troll email someone put on here mocking the use of these phrases
Thanks for the link!
Or should that be "thx"?
I really cant stand 'tks' either. It's a race to the bottom between those two.
tx
tks is WAY worse than thx.....who abbreviates thanks as anything else (if you even abbreviate it to begin with)!!
"Can we massage these numbers?"
lmaooooooo
lmaooooooo brooooooooo
I wouldn't ever put that in an email. It's discoverable...
This guy gets it.
Best one I ever received was the following: "Make Better."
hahaha the brevity is hilarious. I once had a VP review my pitch book, and he scribbled "Shit" across the pages of 5-6 slides.
On the flip side, one of the founders of my shop replies 'looks good' to every deck he "reviews."
Between that and the 100+ consecutive subject-line-only emails with comments, pretty much summarizes a VP in my group.
Missing a common one... "WTF"
In my view, most of these are accurate comments.
What's your view on this, Jake?
Jake: I'm signed off
Me: [Long email with several open ended, multi-point questions] MD: "Yes."
TF????
Hahahaha. I had a VP like that. Best was, "Sil, your emails are too long. I never read them."
I'm the VP that doesn't read them.
You're one of those guys
Managing Directors... who don't understand... the use of an ellipses...
...That is so true!
It's a slow day at work, so let me me share some of my favorites:
lmaoooo +1
lol at swing by. Can't believe I forgot that one
the intralinks one hits too close to home
"(Please) See attached" "FYI" Blank email with attachment
When I was desperately trying to break into the industry, get coffee, land a phone call, make a friend, or talk to the guy so he could help me out, and gave him my cell so we could talk.
"Thanks for your interest. I've forwarded your email to our recruiting team."
haha so many dudes be like this
real talk I've had this happen to me at a boutique that's pretty heavy on meritocracy. Being from a non-core school (target for BBs though) any chance this could help in the recruiting process?
"You serious??"
"Format better"
"Don't burn the midnight oil on this one, but could you please adjust per the comments in the attached?"
Received at 9 pm.
Once I got an email signed off as Rgds, MD
Now that's just lazy lmaoo
Rgds, "BSD"
P.S. "BSD"
Hahaha that's hilarious
Chrs,
MD
My finance professor signs all his emails like that
"This slide is poor"
let's close the loop here
Subject Line: need
Body: artcle from wsj or maybe nyt on papr pckging indstry from lst mnth
deleted
Subject: NP
Body: let's tick/tie all the numbers again to cover our bases. try to pay more attn to detail going fwd.
I don't even know what this means.
.
lol you're gonna have a bad time. You got asked what your bandwidth was? Pro tip: usually no ones gives a sht so if they ask, that's pretty good. Also, you got the full please. That's about as close to a hug as you're gonna get in IB.
Bandwith? what is that?
whether or not you have capacity. no bandwidth = too busy to take on new work
Please advise is the absolute worst. How do people still think this is acceptable? Just ask the damn question, there's no need for the extreme passive aggression.
Subject line: NOT GOOD
Body of email: Picture of mistake in deck highlighted in yellow
Had an SVP once who didn't even highlight the mistake and then expected me to find it. If I didn't email back within a few minutes, I'd get a call asking me why I haven't found the mistake yet.
"Stephanie told HR."
Hidden gold in this thread
Goldman emails during the crisis are here.
"Boy that timberwolf was one shitty deal."
http://online.wsj.com/public/resources/documents/WSJ_GSQUOTES.pdf
Those guys were ruthless.
9pm: SVP: "Not for tonight, but please turn around in 24-36 hours" 9am (following morning): SVP: "Where are we with this?"
"pls show client resurgence in industry" "get creative this isn't a science" "wtf ER put a sell rating on our client" "get that guy back from vacation"
Can we make these boxes rounder?
Oh my God, this sentence sums up the analyst years like no other...
A new one i heard going around is... "i'm pregnant with this problem" or "don't want to get pregnant with this"
Always thought it could lead to HR problems....
If someone said something dumb on a call my former vp used to say: "that is a half pregnant idea."
??
Surprised no "Take a cut/crack at this"
md: use format on sheet x for other peers me: could you clarify what exactly you want reformatted? (only other sheet is identical to sheet x) md: let's see if you have an eye for details
let's discuss live/let's take this offline
Intern: "So you want me to pull all the precedents from 50 companies in the industrials space by tonight?"
MD: "Y"
"Boarding in 5"
haha
Didn't read all of the comments so maybe someone else said this already but here's my sarcastic take on this:
Ahhh yes, Investment Bankers own the crazy jargon of "thanks"
Boy spread is tight
"Hey" "Hey?" "Hey????" "So and so rang the bell."
"LFF"...Let the fucker fly Not quite IB, more like HF
"Don't stay up all night working on this, just have it ready first thing tomorrow morning"...
I could rattle these off endlessly: "Have this on my desk tomorrow morning so I can take a look at it next week;" "Please add back the commas I told you to erase;" "Take your name of the pitchbook and replace it with mine."
I just shivered reading these.
Recovering VP (moved to buy side). A few additions:
"Make the trains run on time" "Add some sizzle" "Add some meat" "This is a great first effort" or "I think we are there directionally" (after the poor analyst/associate has been slaving away for days)
Subject: "Hurry your ass up"
Appreciating that everyone has very little capacity right now, could someone please revert on this ASAP? Thx.
Love it. Also got this around the holidays: "I know everyone has been very busy this year, so I want you to take a few days off to spend some quality time with your families." and then proceed to shit all over your holidays with work.
I had an MD that would forward first drafts of presentations to clients.
Me: "md, please see attached for first draft of the deck for Friday. Please let me know your comments" md: Forwards to CEO of client company "CEO, here's our deck for Friday's meeting"
This would happen literally after I threw together a deck by myself in 2-3 days. I learned quickly to print and hand deliver drafts to the MD rather than sending him a pdf...
"No"
Oh boy, reading these totally adds fuel to the fire for my recruiting journey out of banking. To those who moved on, how traumatic was the first email you received in PE/HF/VC/etc. that contained one of these gems.."thx"
(Subject line only) "Where are we on the CIM. Thx"
Not sure if its been picked up but the general false sense of urgency for EVERYTHING - especially when said pitch/call isn't for another week: "can we pls send ASAP" "would like to see a turn ASAP" "can u pls run this to ground ASAP"
"pls chase. thx" (after incessantly chasing MDs for 36 hours straight on comments/sign off - comes back 2 hrs before printing deadline) "OK - can we pls see if we have [insert most obscure comp set known to man]" "Just sent a few nits to [insert VP name].thx all" (DUDE Im the one turning these comments - send them to ME or REPLY ALL)
and lastly, the dreaded "back pocket" request (typically coming from a VP trying to "add value") "lets have these few pages for md just for back pocket purposes only'
One of my favorites that happened recently - not so much a quote, but rather the small things that make you tick.
My MD is emailing another group. Other group analyst requests a file from my MD. MD emails me saying "plz forward to [other group analyst] - file attached"
....................................think about this for a second. In the time it took to find the file and email me, he could have just forwarded the damn thing to the analyst himself, but he added the extra step so show he has a slave in the corner ready to bend over at will.
A very rare one I get is "Good man" God it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside
+1!
Also hate when my boss's boss sends a request addressed to me, CC'ing my boss, and my boss then forwards the same email to me, saying, "Please do x for boss, thx." No fucking shit.
Ego purposes.
MD doesn't want to feel he is at the hands of another Analyst and giving in to his demands. Plus, if the MD sends it and the Analyst has questions, he'll probably direct it at the MD instead of you.
While we're on the topic of emails - do you guys have 1 or 2 MDs which absolutely refuse to acknowledge email chains or specific emails directed at them to comment / sign off?
You'll have an email thread with the entire deal team on it, clearly labeled with the client or Project Name, with like a near final version of the deck being shot around (presumably a "_v25" at this point) and the guy one-offs the VP with a subject line email "when can i see a draft of the deck?"......then this is always the same guy who you have to hound and follow up with like 5 times to review and sign off..
"rewrite" "thnx" "more meat" "make sense?"
Friday 3 PM: "Don't work on this over the weekend but would like to see a first turn Monday afternoon. Thx."
LDL, the only acronym to actually be useful.
'This value isn't high enough, add some synergies to the proforma' 'Let's add some sensitivity analysis'
"Comments need to be crisp"
From: Boss To: me (first time seeing it) Subject: "fwd: urgent matter deadline of (nearly a week ago at this point)" Body: "did u fnsh ths?"
From: Boss To: Boss's Boss CC: (jk, there was no CC) Subject: urgent matter deadline of (next day) Body: (me) will get it to you by EOD. (me), please provide to (boss's boss) by EOD. thx
From: Boss's boss To: Boss Subject: urgent matter deadline of (next day) Body: (extremely detailed request likely requiring several hours of work)
There is one VP that has responded on multiple occasions "looks good", and the attachment wasn't even in the email.
Didn’t see these above:
-“open the kimono” -“really drill down on this” -“let’s see the quick and dirty” -“where are we on this??” (When the draft has been sitting with them for 24+ hours)
Had a banker who loved the "open the kimono" and "peek under the dress/skirt" lines. Complete weirdo too.
Yeah those ones are always weird. One of mine who loves those types expressions literally has portraits of himself hanging in his office, and they’re not even on the “visitor” side of his desk - I think he enjoys looking at his own portraits every day...
You forgot one of the most common (and annoying for analysts) - 'FYI'
New Friday 5pm staffing email from your associate? He forwards you and simply writes 'FYI'
Save down NDAs, update call logs? Forward you the email, 'FYI'
and others
...
This should be a 5 minute process. What's taking so long?
I guess I'm just confused
Just knock this out when you get a chance
This will be a slow burn
You need to stay 100% on top of this diligence. No slip ups. I want you to know [client's name] like it's the back of your hand
Brilliant - I would say 92-94% of this applies to me
Particularly this one
Me: [Long email with several open ended, multi-point questions] MD: "Yes."
Other helpful replies: 1. MD: “ok” 2. MD: [no reply]
The Saturday morning forward: "can u take a crack at this? rly appreciate it thx bud"
"no rush. Let's catch up first thing Monday AM. Enjoy the weekend"
Thx can i get some additional color?
FYI, Rgds and Thx are the only things my MD ever says to me in emails haha
Verbatim email I received last Friday night (note: my name isn’t Julianne and my name is only all over his inbox on emails and in my signature): “Julianne - Plans tn? Hope not - c attd. shouldn’t take whole wkd...but might. Txt eta - signing off now.
KB - Ck wk.
T.Y., - PKP”
This is brutal
"bake in these numbers for me"
Bored, thought I'd echo some of these contributions. The more senior the person is, the worse the spelling / abbreviations are.
Thx FYI Rgds Pls fix ETA pls? Not bad Pls take a crack at this Needs more meat pls Lets see what you can find Pls fwd to (different) VP thx Wtf why are numbers so shit? Pls see attached (no file is attached) Swing by my office and lets chat about this Will be ok as a very rough draft for now, circulate to (bankers) Good job, let's touch base tomorrow (tomorrow - wtf did you do here!?)
STET is editing vernacular that has been adopted by bankers. Not really a banker thing. Thx
this doesn't only happen in IB btw
Shouldn't take that long.
Shit Wall Street People Say (Originally Posted: 01/10/2012)
Although I think all these 'shit white girls say' type videos are kind of annoying as fuck, id love to make a shit wall street people say and just utterly talk shit about people. who is down to make one lol
In!
I'll throw in some $ if you guys do a good job and we can release them exclusively on WSO...
exclusively on WSO or brand them with WSO tags and have em on youtube? :P
Id be down to keep it exclusively on WSO
Check out my twiiter account lol. Look below.
organic extension of @GSElevator... makes alot of sense to me...
Patrick have you tried to contact that @GSElevator guy? imagine if he tweeted to his 78.5K followers about WSO... mo money mo money mo money lol
All I plan on doing is posting quotes from WSO that I find commical.
good idea on the GS elevator guy...i think a video series could be really funny though. I'll contact him.
and who says i cant be a consultant?
follow me @JORDANSonhisway lol
I do think money is key. Some of the "funny" videos that Wharton MBAs put together just come off as garbage due to cheap quality.
tried searching for @shitwsosays to no avail... did you launch yet?
I started it yesterday, and confirmed the email. It should be live. Haven't tweeted anything yet. For some reason you have to search WSO as cap letters.
we need remy
GS elevator guy wrote me back says he doesnt do any video or phone stuff to maintain his anonymity. makes sense.
Yes, esp. when he is posting what people say on the elevators lol.
Psssh you and him can write "the maintainence of his anonymity" into the contract and resultantly he funnels content for you to turn into funny co-branded videos and in return he talks about all the advantages of WSO... but whateves #shitwhitegirlssay
There already is a twitter @shitanalystssay
Short, when are we getting this show on the road?
Short: I am down playing the stereotypical Indian guy.
haha dunno maybe this weekend?:P
Damn. I will be no where near the North American continent this weekend. How about we bring a camera to our next Happy Hour and give it a try there?
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