Words I can't stand anymore after 3 months into the IB analyst role
ASAP - this word is often misused. Everything is always needed ASAP. You had the whole of yesterday and the day before to ask me to work on this but 3 hours before the call you decide to let me know we need this ASAP?
Comments - no explanation needed
turn - no explanation needed
Capacity - you know it's not going to be good when you hear this word in a sentence.
pull - "Can you pull xyz?" always involves pulling a bunch of numbers that turn out to be a headache to source.
SNL - I just hate hearing this word. So much confusion.
Market refresh - oh boy!! "We will need to market refresh for Friday."
Staffing - no explanation needed on this one
Comment below what yours are lol. Would love to hear them.
“call me” and the runner up is getting pinged “Name” and then watching someone type for minutes while I wait for them to send a message.
Oh god, literally stare at my screen like 👁️👄👁️ for 3 minutes just so the other person can say "can you do me a favour" and then continue to type for another 3 minutes
There is a special place in hell for boomers that start a chat with just your name or “hey” before anything else
“Revert” “confirming receipt” “add some color” “please let me know if you have any comments or questions” “happy to jump on a call” “can you send the invite” and any stupid sports lingo and probably most of all… “thanks.” I’ve thanked people so many times the word has no meaning anymore.. it’s just a punctuation
Last part on point
These are also phrases but you get the point
wow what a robust list
"Robust" LMAO. So true man.
I’ve always thought boomerisms like “don’t boil the ocean” were bad, but heard a new one yesterday: “closing the loop on this.” Don’t know why, but I fucking hate it.
The one good boomerism is “pounding the table,” though. Love that one for some reason.
I always laugh when I hear our MDs say these.
"High Level" - This has to be the most overused word in the corporate setting of all time. I swear people will use any excuse to include "high level" into their sentence.
and it's funny because these MDs will say "high level" instead of "basic level" to feel better about themselves even though they mean literally the same thing
circle-back
please see attached
please find attached
color, as in "that's good color," "that provides great additional color"
ping
bandwidth
off the shelf
cocaine, bathroom and stop in no particular order
"FYI" - because we are always left out of email chains
Always sounds so passive aggressive, even though I know what they mean
I use "FYI" and that word alone in email forwards if my purpose is to tell my junior team, "You literally don't need to do anything with this information but here is some context, or a heads up on something upcoming, or some spicy banter."
"Illustrative" (this math is fake and no one will care about it on the buy side)
Lol most used CYA bullshit
Lol most used CYA bullshit
“Spin your wheels”
Any use of the word "happy"....has been trending a lot lately in the biz...."happy to jump on a call"....let's jump on a call but come on, none of us are happy about it.
So true hahah. Everything is "happy"
“Back to Back”
“I would revert” and then hours of silence
“do we have a quorum”
“U on it?”
“kindly ... anything”
“Pls carve out some time to ...”
“make bullets more professional”
“pls format very nicely”
or .. “let’s crack the coconut” whatever that means
"Quorum" lmao. That one followed me into corp dev. That's everyone's favorite word at the start of a call. "Well, looks like we have a quorum here, so why don't I go ahead and kick it off."
Never seen that word used anywhere at uni or high school until IB/corp dev
Getting the “What does your weekend look like?” ping never ended well for me.
"provide some color"
"kill that"
"let me opine on this"
“touch base”
“flip that over to me”
“swing by”
“let’s circle up”
“ETA?”
“grab some time on my calendar”
“circulate it to the team”
this thread gave me diarrhea, I feel for you bros
The overuse of “Happy to…”
Not a single person is happy to send a dial in and hop on a call at 5pm on a Friday. GTFOH
"Best practices"
“Play above your role”
Man, I’ve been in this role for 2 months. How about I play in my role for a little while?
man this cracked me up big time
appreciate the color
understand that xxx
that aside i find it fking hilarious that literally everyone here speaks like exactly how everyone in my firm do, i guess all IB are the same monkeys
"I don't want you to lose sleep over this but please have it done by tomorrow morning"
"Walk me through..."
"Where do we stand..."
"Where are we on..."
"Send me the latest where it stands"
"ETA on draft?" --- as a subject line of email (no body)
Starting email with "Thanks!" followed by 3 pages of comments. Clearly the work was f**ked if it required 3 pages of comments----no need to thank me
"Thx", "tx", "pls"
"We're happy to run..." or "we're happy to pull..." always comes from the Associate who's about to jam all the incremental work on me. Like bro, I'm not sure I'm all that happy to run another 5 scenarios...
"Let's check in at X to see where we're at" like Associate, why don't you hop into the ppt/excel and we split, instead of you waiting 3 hrs for me to do all the work
Hahahah this cracked me up. The accuracy omg!!
"ETA on draft?" --- as a subject line of email (no body) [I've seen this so many times omg]
Starting email with "Thanks!" followed by 3 pages of comments. Clearly the work was f**ked if it required 3 pages of comments----no need to thank me [Lmao!!!]
Thanks for all your hard work! This is really helpful and beyond useful!
One quick comment — let’s just quickly xyz so it’s easier to understand the data
1. Client deck
a. Just
b. Because
c. You
d. Have
e. One
f. Comment
g. With 8 sub bullets does not mean you had one comment.
Thanks again for doing all this!
(the page gets thrown in the appendix of course and I’m 98% sure whenever the guy uses an exclamation point he’s trying to be “helpful and understanding” but it feels pretty sarcastic when there are 25 sub bullets of comments)
And when it takes more than an hour for me to turn all the comments I get pinged with a “did my comments make sense? Happy to jump on the phone and provide more color!” Like your on vacation in the Bahamas right now you’re not happy to.
I know I'm RE in the IB thread, but from my construction days everyone would say 10-4, and I absolutely hated it. It's trucker code basically for "I heard you" for use over the CB radios, how it spread to construction is beyond me, probably just spread among blue collar people.
“Just a couple of nits here”
how did i forget this classic
“Let’s keep it simple”
Proceeds to turn deliverable to death…
revert, albeit, notwithstanding, herein, noodle, confirming receipt, update, please find attached, sounds good, will do
that's helpful, thanks
"My calendar is up to date" (I'm passive aggressive about asserting my lame heichary over you when it would take me 10 seconds to find a time I prefer first)
“Let us sharpen our pencils on that”
“Need more color here” or “we need to flesh this out” …just tell me what you want the slide to say and I’ll make it. Need some direction to keep the process efficient
“this shouldn’t be a difficult exercise” or “don’t we have this off the shelf”
“This should only take 5-10 minutes.” - and then 1 hour later….
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