Crtique Cold Email
I attend a non target, but i have been trying to network with alumni from schools in the same state.
Hello Mr/s. NAME,
My name is XYZ and I am a student at XYZ, majoring in finance. I am interested in investment banking and recently came across your firm.
I noticed that you also attended school in STATE. If you have the time, I would appreciate the opportunity to speak with you about your experience at XYZ COMPANY.
Best Regards,
Shit. This screams desperate.
I saw that you existed lmfao wtf
Being from the same state is literally the least meaningful commonality you could say
I think his commonality was his school the way he mentioned it.
No, he said "from schools in the same state."
Not "from the same state school."
He is literally using the fact people live in the same state as him to try and get a job.
Read https://www.mergersandinquisitions.com/investment-banking-email-templat…</a">this and then http://biws-support.s3.amazonaws.com/Investment-Banking-Email-Templates…</a">this
Also, you want to be more specific. Ask him about his specific bank/job/deals he’s done. Ask to get his personal take on things. Be honest and direct, but don’t be overbearing or desperate. You need to come across as genuinely interested. Most of all, keep it short. What you have is a little too short, and you do want to be specific, but you want to be efficient. Having vague, general information is as bad as flooding him with specific requests. You need to have specific requests and questions, but make them brief and to the point. This is what I’ve gathered researching it online. Also, Google is your friend. I found all this info as well as more templates and guides online.
See how this looks.
"Hello Mr/s. NAME,
My name is XYZ and I am a student at XYZ, majoring in finance. Recently, I have found an interest in investment banking and saw that you work at XYZ firm. I also noticed that you attended XYZ, a rival to my school. [Doesn't have to be rival, Enter relationship to his/her school, I.e your rival, close to you, you know kids there, etc.]
If you have the time, I would love the opportunity to speak with you about your professional experience at XYZ company. I am usually available (enter time that you are usually free, i.e around noon everyday). If this time doesn't work for you, let me know what times are most convenient for you.
Best Regards, XYZ
This sounds very similar to what he had. Not saying it’s bad but the wording is really close bar a few small additions.
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