Job/Cover Letter Help - Unique Background - Goldman Sachs RMD

Background:

I applied to a job at Goldman Sachs RMD and am willing to move to get the position. My future father-in-law currently operates a REIT that I might be able to work at in the future. It is a small successful firm but I need experience to get started there.

My biggest road block is that I don't have a BS/BA. I do however have a strong employment record. I have been employed in the tech world since 2008 and have successfully moved up the ranks.

However after a meeting with my boss and the head of quant, my boss told me that the project was doing well since I had actually influenced the investment making process. It immediately hit me that success in my department was anti climactic and relatively unrewarding.

I have since started focusing on moving out of technology and into real estate.

My question is how does this cover letter come off? Also any advice on how to help my chances would be appreciated as well.

Aphex
100 EBITA Lane
Bondtown, NY 99999
December 21st 2015

Dear Hiring Manager,

I am writing this letter in response to your job posting for an analyst in the Realty Management Division. I became interested in business once I started working in the IT department of an asset management firm and after having met my future father-in-law, who works in real estate. My work at AM Firm(>200bl AUM) quickly peaked my interest in finance. I started reading research reports and financial books when I got the chance. More recently I met my future father-in-law who inspired me to pursue real estate.

After a couple of years at AM Firm(>200bl AUM) I have learned a lot of excel, as well as a variety of financial skills such as the basics of bond valuations, risk factor analysis and NPV/IRR to name a few. I also feel as though I have fine tuned my soft skills, now that a significant part of my job is based on my ability to delegate tasks, communicate concepts to the front office and motivate my co-workers.

Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Aphex

 
Best Response

As for your letter, you'll need to fix some basic grammatical mistakes.

For instance:

It's "piqued my interest" as opposed to peaked.

If your interest peaked, as you wrote, it would not exceed the level you're currently at. Which wouldn't be the message you really want to convey in your letter.

Not having a undergraduate degree will likely be your undoing. Your best hope in the cover letter is to include how your experience supersedes that of a 4 year degree. Or, perhaps how you can achieve one while working for the company.

Either way, best of luck. It would make an awesome success story on WSO to make it to Goldman without a degree.

 

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