My Cold Email Template to Hiring Managers
I was looking for some feedback about my cold emails I'm going to start sending to alumni from my school who are hiring managers of IB's and also some HF's. My objective for these emails is to get a full-time position but I'm wondering if I'm direct enough about this in the email (I am a MSF student at a non-target fyi)
Subject: MS Finance Student Seeking Guidance
Attachments: Resume
Mr. XXXX,
My name is XXXXXXX and I am currently a MS Finance student at XXXXX. I ran across your profile on Bloomberg and noticed that you are not only the Managing Director, but also a XXXXX alum so I thought you would be the best person to ask. I am very interested in working for your group at XXXXXX and I want to maximize my chances of getting an interview when I apply for a position. Would you have any advice or words of wisdom to help boost my odds in this endeavor?
Thank you for your time,
XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX-XXX-XXXX
...
1) Use contractions. And don't use pretentious words like "endeavour". Your proper English, to sophtrading's point, is awkward. 2) Be more personal and specific. "I am very interested in working for your group at XXXXXX" sounds like a cut and paste line. 3) Try to arrange for a quick call, as well as generically asking for advice. People, particularly older ones (i.e. MDs) who are slow typers, are less inclined to reply to emails. 4) Try to be emotive and personable. Try saying "I'd really appreciate" or "I'd be very grateful", instead of "thank you for your time".
Thanks you're right, I've actually been 4/4 with positive replies (phone call requests) from alumni but 0/3 with rando's.
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