Tell me a joke.

Had an interview where I was asked this. definitely don't recommend this at all but I still somehow got the offer (I prefaced this by saying that it's not indicative of my views and it caught me so off guard and I could only think of one that I'd seen on FB the day before):

A racist, misogynist, and a homophobe walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll it be, President Trump?"

Again, not at all indicative of my views but I straight up couldn't remember one

myPuppyVictoria:

I went to an interview, being asked tell me a joke. I told a simple one. How will you deal with it?

Tell him/her you got reservations at Dorsia. What a joke! We all know getting reservations there is impossible.

Q: What's the shortest joke in the world? A: Your penis!

Why does a midget always giggle while walking on grass? Cuz it tickles his balls.

Tell him you are the biggest one. Then leave the interview.

A plane is on its way to Paris when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Paris and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Paris and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Paris."

Two guys walk into a bar, they both say "ow"

A joke that was told by my boss when I was an intern on a trading floor : -What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Broker ? -The prostitue doesn’t change her prices depending on the size.

I suppose that could be a fun one to tell in an interview

One of my friends was interviewing for a non-finance position a few months after graduation (having been unemployed since graduation) and was asked to tell a joke. After being asked, he paused for 10 seconds or so, then responded that he couldn't think of one on the spot.

Then after a few more seconds, he said: "Well....I actually do have a joke about being unemployed....but it still needs some work."

He is no longer unemployed.

Another came to mind.

A gay couple is going on a vacation and board a long-haul overnight flight. They get on the plane, it takes off and after an hour or so the cabin lights dim and the passengers fall asleep. One of the guys turn to his partner and says 'hey...want to fool around?' and the other replies 'of course not! We're on a plane and everyone can see and hear us'. The first guy insists and says 'I guarantee you everyone is asleep and no one will hear or see us. To prove it I'll ask for a glass of water, if no one replies then we can have some fun'. The partner accepts and the first guy stands up and shouts 'a glass of water please!'. No one answers and no one seems to look around. Having seen that they're in the clear the couple start having some fun.

The next morning the flight lands and as passengers are walking down the main aisle to leave a cabin attendant notices an old man shaking as he leaves the plane. She asks 'what's the matter sir?'. The man replies 'I was so cold last night and had to sleep in this freezing temperature!'. The flight attendant asks 'why didn't you ask for a blanket?' and the old man replies 'the man in front of me got ass fucked for wanting a glass of water, what the hell would happen to me if I asked for a blanket?'

What do you call a chicken coop with 4 doors?

A chicken sedan

What's the capital of Greece?

About 3 Euros

I think I got this one from WSO...

An aspiring analyst is interviewing for a position in the MD's office, and while they are discussing the opportunity his assistant walks in and hands the MD a stack of resume's that just came in.

The MD sets the resume's on his desk, grabs the top half of the stack, and dunks it in the trash. The interviewee protests "You didn't even look at those! Why did you throw them away?" MD says "I don't want anyone unlucky working at this firm"

A banker, a trader, and a lawyer are on death row and are faced with the electric chair. On the day of their execution, the warden comes to them and says "Listen up, gentlemen. One at a time you'll sit in that electric chair, you'll have a chance to speak your last words, and then you'll die."

First up walks the banker. He sits in the electric chair and the warden asks "any last words?" "I'm innocent" says the banker. The warden pulls the switch and nothing happens. He then says "Huh, that's one in a million, you're free to go" and lets the banker walk.

Next up walks the trader. He sits in the electric chair and the warden asks "any last words?" The trader says "I'm innocent." The warden pulls the switch and nothing happens. He then says "Huh, that's one in a BILLION, you're free to go" and lets the trader walk.

Last up walks the lawyer. He sits in the chair and the warden asks "any last words?" And the lawyer replies "before we get into that, sir, your chair's unplugged"

A man boarded a plane and was seated next to a stunningly beautiful woman. After the flight took off, he struck up a conversation. The woman told him that she was flying to the destination city to attend a conference on sexual myths. The man became extremely interested in the direction of the conversation. He asked her with a smile, "so, what are some sexual myths I should know about?" The woman casually replied, "well, people think that black men are the most well endowed, but that's not true. It's actually Native American men. And people think that Italians make the best lovers; it's actually Jewish men." The man replied, "fascinating indeed." The woman then blushed and said, "I'm sorry; we've been talking for a while, and I still didn't get your name."

After a brief pause, the man blurted out with gusto: "My name is Tonto. Tonto Goldstein."

A financial adviser calls his client. "I'm afraid have some bad news and some worse news. Which would you like to hear first?" “The bad news” says the client. “All your money will be gone in 24 hours.” “Oh my God,” the client says. “And what’s the worse news?!” “I should have made this call yesterday.”

I agree that in an interview situation it's not wise to be "bold" with your jokes. Definitely nothing religious, sexist, right-wing, left-wing, any-wing, blonde, Irish, Jewish, not politically correct ... you get the picture. Some of those jokes are very funny, but they could bomb in an interview.

It's always good to have some clean and preferably industry based jokes to hand. Short is good too.

Anything accountancy, finance, trading, business related is generally good. Some suggestions:

• There was this mathematician who hated negative numbers. When it came to avoiding negative numbers he would stop at nothing.
• There are 3 types of accountants. Those who can count and those who can't.
• There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't.
• I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

Or you can be cerebral about it and come up with something that the average joe wouldn't understand: - Four Laws of Accounting: 1. Trial balances don't. 2. Bank reconciliations never do. 3. Working capital does not. 4. Return on investments never will.

If you want to take a bit of "risk" I wouldn't go further than these:

• Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? (that pokes fun at the industry but not any individual company)
• A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. (it's self-deprecating ...when told by a guy)
• My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

And the below may be funny but would still be on the wrong side of the fence in an interview environment:

• I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure. (that's TOO self deprecating)
• Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else. (the interviewers may not see it as a joke)
• I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on?" (what? you like shitting on people?!)