Feeling at rock bottom/borderline don’t want to wake up

Hey man. Similar position as you. Also feeling very defeated and from a poor immigrant background. Also have lost my job. Trying some antidepressants per my psychiatrist’s advice, but not sure how much longer I can bare with this stress. Guess we have to just keep our heads up?

Dude. I am not super active on here, but having dealt with 2 suicides personally in 2021 when I was in the Army, there is nothing on those spreadsheets worth dying for. People get new jobs, breakups happen. Zoom out a little bit. You have your whole life ahead of you. When I moved to Dallas in 2014, I picked up random gigs to pay the bills. They weren't "prestigious" but they paid the bills while I looked for work. Right now we're in a recession but the economy turns around eventually, so just do what you got to do for now and things will eventually pick up.

Maybe you just need a vacation or something even if it's just a trip to a local park to get out into nature. Find someone you can talk to though.

Thanks everyone, feeling better after sleeping it off. Last night was just one of those nights when the panic was strong.

No matter how bad you feel, before you do anything drastic, eat a nice meal, watch a movie and get a good night’s sleep. Things tend to not look so bleak after you take a moment to pause and reflect. Also, hit your ex up, maybe she’s up for round 2.

As someone who struggles with this daily, hang in there. Everything always works out in the end, and things happen for a reason. It may take some time to get back in the game but in the end it will be worth it and perhaps this time off will ultimately be beneficial (maybe you get to spend more time with your family, develop new hobbies, etc). 
 

As Harvey Dent famously said, “the night is darkest just before the dawn. And the dawn is coming.” You got this. 

Agree with the other comments completely. I know your budget is tight, but speaking with a professional can help a lot. If that’s not an option due to financial reasons, practice cognitive behavioral therapy on your own. It’s essentially confronting your fears and then addressing them with logic, and reminding yourself to do so continuously.

Ex. I don’t want to take a job that will derail my career. Well there’s no legal (meaning not selling drugs etc) that will permanently render you incapable of success. Your time horizons are the main concern here, and so what? Why do you need x by age y? What difference will 2-3 years make? None.

Practice that type of thinking and you’ll feel much better. You’re experiencing whats called “passive ideation”, which I have a lot. It’s not healthy and honestly a red flag for trying to understand your life.

Also there’s a reason you and your ex gf broke up. Maybe it’s a dumb reason, but you were doing the best you could with the information and emotions you had at the time. It’ll be alright.

I had a 4 year relationship end in flames and in a rather dramatic way. 1-1.5ish years later i met my now wife. Didn’t see that coming back then, I was anti marriage and anti commitment after that breakup. Meeting my wife in a random hallway changed my world. You cannot predict the future.

I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through, and I have no words to make it better. I have hit rock bottom a couple times (how embarrassing) and have some advice on what helped me escape rock bottom permanently. This will be annoying to hear but I hope it helps.

You are too fixated on the past and feeling sorry for yourself; you need to start focusing EXCLUSIVELY on the future. You wish so badly for everything to return how it was *before*, you’ve completely stopped thinking about how much BETTER things can be in the future. You want so badly to go back in time and fix things, but you’re missing that you have 50 god damn years in front you. My brother in Christ, you ARE back in time right now, and as hard as it seems you can turn everything around. You’re still just a kid, think how Jamie Dimon got shitcanned from Citi and left for (professional) dead in his 40s. Did he roll over and give up? No, he swallowed his pride, eventually got a new job at JPM, and built it into the biggest bank in the MF US of A.

You don’t need to pine for your ex girl. The relationship was fucked otherwise you’d still be together, start trusting that you can become a better man find someone who’s a much better fit that you’ll be much happier with. You don’t need to be sad for missing on cycle recruitment, instead you should think about how to best position yourself to get a great buyside opp in 2-3 years. Don’t wish you had saved more earlier in life; vow to start saving (20%) of every paycheck moving forward. 

Crude example. Imagine a laid off grocery bagger (a) who spends his days pining for the pay, lifestyle, and girlfriend he had when he was bagging groceries. He sets that as his highest standard for how good life can be. Now imagine his best friend who got laid off at the same time but spends every waking moment thinking about and working toward a next job and business school and a sexy wife so he can be like the guy who OWNS the grocery store chain. Who will be happier and more likely to succeed. 

Your mistakes and hardships are the greatest assets in your life IF you learn and grow from them. You can completely remake your life now, and you should only focus actions you’re gonna take to get everything you want in the future. Being future oriented, to a stupid degree, is what helped me get out of my darkest days when any reasonable person would’ve written me off. It may help you too.

Hey man I feel your pain. I have faced suicidal ideation and had an attempt when I was a teenager. I thought I was a failure at life and wanted to talk to God. Little did I know what I would accomplish almost directly after that and have little ruts now and then, but doesn't everyone?

I knew of a CFA charterholder who was active on another finance forum and he was struggling to find a job and he waited until he spent the last of his savings and then had enough money to rent a car and put a plastic bag over his head in the car and died. I mention the act because it reflects on how desperate he was to escape from his situation. On the finance forum, we all chimed in "I could have helped him." But, he never reached out for help. Some people view reaching out for help as a weakness, but I think it is a strength. This is a time to reach out to your loved ones and reach out to your career network and ask for opportunities. 

I had an executive tell me in 2010 that if I ever needed anything, just reach out to him. 12 years later I reached out for a job and he gave me one. You gotta find a way to start working and quick. Go through your Rolodex and put yourself out there, reach out to alumni and also your school's career center might be able to help. Judging by your savings, you need to find work quick. Drop the ego and be willing to work in temp to hire positions or intern to hire positions. Good luck. and feel free to PM me if you ever need anything.

Also, I suggest seeing a psychiatrist and maybe getting a pet.

There are very few, if any, roles that will derail your career.  Not only will you be able to later explain any down move as a product of the times, but you’ll probably also get brownie points for “grit” or whatever the fashionable term is.

In a similar position as you and would be happy to offer support or just be a listening ear. Give me a PM if you want

Hey OP, have been in similar position to you late last year. Worked out for me now. If you want to discuss anything feel free to PM.

I know how sh*t it feels, but you gotta push through. Trust me, when all feels lost, you only need 1 lucky break and it worked out for me. 

One-day a switch flicked for me mentally and my motivation ramped up to insane levels. Set a small goal for end of this week and build on that.

My friend, be kind to yourself first and take care of you. By that I mean you should start running outside or journaling or do something that brings you joy or call a friend or cry for 10 minutes then on to the hustle. It is going to be tough but you are tougher. In terms of career, as you know the job market depending on the role is tough but there are tons of new opportunities… my advice would be to reach out to people with similar roles and ask for time to catch up or learn about what they do. Join organizations in your field of finances, reach out to your alumni network. At the same time, are there any finance jobs that you could get more easily in the meantime, so perhaps a risk job while you look or compliance… I know its not glam but in the meantime it would pay the bills and you can always transfer laterally to your dream job because your prior experience.

Alternatively, you could apply to grad school or volunteer in a new startup or small business then you don’t have a resume gap.

As for the love life, be glad you are not together… I am sure you will find someone even greater one day and see why this one didn’t work out.

In the end life is not all about career and being tough on ourselves, ask yourself what can you learn from this experience and think of the 100 actions you can take today to turn this around… I have seen people from the most unconventional backgrounds and all odds against them and they reach their goal because resilience and they give zero fu ks about what people think of them… so you too my friend! We are all cheering for you :)

In a similar boat. Absolutely grinded my ass off to get to the group and bank I was at just to be laid off. Feeling hopeless and suicidal now. Feels like a sick joke lol

I’ve been unemployed longer than 6 months three times in my almost 20 year career.  I’ve had the benefit of having a loving wife, so I can’t say I had that missing (but boy did finances put a strain).  When I was unemployed I invested $10,000 into some investment scheme and got my money stolen by a con artist (I was young and wanted to make moves).  My wife gave me hell about it.  Later in life, it seemed like that was a relatively cheap lesson.

The money situation leads to stress, which lowers your capacity if you dwell.  Learn to compartmentalize your problems, block it off.  And know it’s not who you are (you’re fiscally responsible but in a bad situation).  

There is no shame in working a job or two just to make ends meet.  You can call the experience anything you want on the resume (“your name” consulting, etc).  I do agree with Dr. R (above), this shows grit.  I actually found the experience working a hourly job a way to connect with regular people, and it’s really given me a better perspective in investing and managing (leading?) people, and understanding business at the point of sale.

When I got laid off the first time (investment analyst job), during the Great Recession, I took it as an opportunity to get off the hamster wheel and pursue an industry that I really wanted to get into before the capital markets really discovered it. Agree with another poster, focus on the future, not the past.  Career is not even or a straight line. 

If you lived in my city (San Francisco), I’d say we should meet for a coffee.  I work from home so I mainly make my own schedule, and enjoy meeting and seeing unemployed friends during the day because we go on a journey together vs a one off lunch and then not see them.  Of all my friends who keep trying (and they all kept trying), they all ended up with a job.  If you know someone who works from home still and wired like me, seek them out.  Chances are they are a bit lonely too during the day. 
 

Around 5 years ago, the Corporate Machiavelli guy would post here.  People would chastise him for being too harsh or tone deaf.  He wrote about the principles of power in the modern day.  I’ve found it to be quite true.  I’m assuming you’re a man, the world is an unforgiving place especially for a man who can’t provide for themselves.  Your writing here, a call for help here, it is probably because you don’t know what to do and society by and large doesn’t seem to care. You are not alone.  There is nothing wrong with you or the decisions you’ve made.  This is part of your learning experience.  People, businesses need your help.  You have a long life ahead and positive contributions to make.  If you spend your time on a finance forum, you’ve found free advice, so I know you are resourceful, intellectually curious, and willing to add to the conversation.  
 

Forget what others think about you. Find a friend (hey it’s a recession), go for a run during the day.  Take your laptop and go to the library and work.  Get out of your living room.  Grit. Future focused.  Zoom out, this is all part of the journey.  Keep up your health (physical and mental).  If you are able bodied and you think you are better skilled, better work ethic than the average person, you will always get by.  

Lots of great advice above, felt inspiring reading through. Also suggest going out and bath in sunshine whenever you can, maybe just running in the park or hitting the gym. It will help you feel better and sleep well at night.

Life goes up and it goes down. It's never a straight path.

I too have been here, and may be there again in the future, I don't know. The job, gf, situation, and the feeling. I have been there and I understand. Echoing some of the above - I agree that family and friends don't care about how much money you make nor the level of achievement you reach. Having the skills and knowledge to even be present in this industry is impressive in itself and is often discounted because we surround ourselves by people who want it all. Despite being laid off, you've done exceptionally well so far. Don't give up now. 

I wont recommend anything specific to you because I'm sure you have more going on than just what's written in your post. So instead I will just tell you what I did and maybe you can take that and use it to help you re-access and formulate a plan. 

I was down and out like your situation. Down real bad. Felt like the world was out to destroy me and was about to surrender. But I didn't give in. I thought about my family and the friends who I really loved. They were what really mattered to me. And so, I kept applying to jobs. I tried to improve my health and physical strength. I got a shitty job I didn't like so I could make ends meet while doing all of the following - applications, networking, gym, eating healthy, and cutting out bad energy and bad influences in my life. Cutting out negative influences in your life is perhaps the most difficult because sometime this means cutting off close friendships you've had your entire life. But it helped me. I started to get my mojo back, started getting my hunger and grit back, and then boom, I caught a break. A networking connection reached out to me with an opportunity, and because I had been doing all of the above, I was prepared to hit the ground running. The applications kept my resume ready to go. The gym kept my physique and confidence up. The healthy eating helped keep my mind thinking clearly. For me, it was all about simply hanging in there and doing my best to stay healthy. Your mind/ stress, anxiety, and depression will all work together to try to break you down simultaneously. Fight back. Health, gym, vitamins, balance. Hustle, but make sure to give yourself breaks. Recharge, then go back to war, recharge, then go back to war. I hung in there and finally the world threw me a bone. 

Again, I cant tell you what to do because I am not you, typing on a website does not do anyone's emotions justice so I wont act like I know your situation through and through because I don't, but I understand. All I can do is help give you ideas as to how you can build yourself back up brick by brick. Please don't hesitate to PM me - I will respond. 

You're in a better spot than you think.

1. You have time - During the 2008 recession, I had barely any experience and applied to just about every finance job on the planet. It took me six months to land a crappy job. You're three months into this with some final round interviews for very good positions that wouldn't take your career off track. If you lower your standards a bit, you will get a job before that $10K runs out. Don't get cocky but given what your background and interviews thus far, I almost guarantee it.

2. Not sure if your career is derailed - Sure, you got knocked down. Now get up and finish the fight. Don't get too focused on the ideal 2 years banking and then PE etc. etc. Life doesn't work that way for 99% of people. And guess what? With your background in banking, you are already ahead of 97% of people in terms of career, even as someone who is currently unemployed.

3. You will look back at this differently one day - The things that you are writing in this post are important. You got knocked down and now realize that you should have been doing things differently. You can take away those lessons for the rest of your life. Imagine what would have happened in the long run if you were never knocked down and never learned those lessons?

4. Good Luck - you can do it. Wishing you the best!

If you're facing homelessness then I don't think there is much room to cherry-pick only jobs that 'won't defer my career'. Anyway, reality is much simpler than what your mind makes out of your situation. Look at yourself from 3rd person and think what advice you would give him (yourself). This will help you see things more clearly without letting emotions interfere.

Also, the things that today make you feel depressed i.e. your career and losing your girlfriend, tomorrow will be something from the past. Down the road, as you become wiser, you'll look at that in the same way as you may look now at 11-year-old you crying because of getting an F or losing your favorite toy. Back then it felt like the end of the world but now it wouldn't even make you tremble. So don't let your current 'lost toy' question the entirety of your life.

Life isnt linear. You really dont have X at one year, X + 1 the next, X + 2 after that, and so on. Life throws curveballs at you and will knock you on your ass.

I think perspective and not comparing yourself to peers will help. It's easy to look around and think everyone has it all figured out, that really isnt the case. And you might not be able to get the same job you previously had right now, but you still have an incredible skillset and will be able to find a profession that 90%+ of the population would be envious of. There is zero shame in taking up other types of labor to get by as well. This will be something that you will look back on with pride one day, and again give you some perspective. Go wait tables for a month, and you'll see what I mean.

Sometimes when it rains it pours, you just have to get some wins notched under your belt to get that momentum going back in your favor

For all the BS that goes on at this site, I really like it that monkeys come together to help a fellow monkey. Stay classy WSO.

DM if you want someone to talk to/listen

Can relate to your experiences