I find this to be a major issue and a very frustrating thing between us.
As context, I used to be a morning person who usually keeps a 10:30 - 5:45/6/6:15 schedule, and i can get a lot of shit done before going to work.
That has changed dramatically since I've been together with current gf. She is fantastic in a lot of other aspects.
However, when it comes to sleep schedules, she has a super bad habit of procrastinating sleep. I cannot remember a SINGLE day when she sleeps before 12:30am. Even if we are tired doing outdoors, she'd just check her phone for like 1 hour before going to sleep.
I'm very sensitive to light and noise. Sometimes I lie on bed around 11am, and she will take her shower, dry her hair, and then check her phone in bed. That'll be at least 12am, and for that 1 hour I simply cannot sleep with that much noise. She would then complain about me being too sensitive to light and noise and would say things like "why do you complain so much".
Earplugs are uncomfortable, I've tried them.
I have not found that morning productivity ever since we've been together a bit less than 1 year ago. This is extremely frustrating. We've communicated about this a few times, and she feels like I'm forcing her to change. Maybe.
Anyone had experience with this? Please help.
Get the Bose AirBuds II.
Or dump her.
Do you live in a studio? If not, ask her to do all that shit before she comes to bed in another room.
I mean, I feel your pain on this one, but at some point she has a right to her routine, the same as you do. If she's not turning down her phone's brightness, or making an effort to be quick in the shower, then that's different. Ask her not to wash her hair at night so she doesn't have to dry her hair. Turn down brightness on the phone. Etc. If she's not trying to meet you halfway at all, that is a bad sign. On the other hand, you're not really making any effort to meet her halfway, either. I'm sure this isn't how you meant it, but the tenor of your post gives a "I want a strict 11pm lights out, no noise bedtime so I can get my sleep" and that strikes me as a pretty infantilizing attitude. My wife and I have the opposite schedule, in which she gets up and goes to bed early and I prefer to stay up, and we sorted that out by agreeing not to do certain things super late/early. I don't read in bed anymore if she's trying to sleep. She leaves the blinds halfway drawn when she wakes up so I don't get woken up, too.
Also, at some point, an easy compromise is to tell your girlfriend that if she wants to sleep at 1am and you want to sleep at 10:30, maybe you try compromising on going lights out at 11:30 or something. Again, I get that you have a routine and want to stick to it, but relationships are about compromise and there doesn't seem to be any reason you couldn't push your sleep schedule out 30-45 minutes
Super helpful comment.
We both pay rents atm. Her place is a studio, and my place is a semi-studio, semi-1 bedroom/semi-studio thing.
Yeah...I've already shifted my schedule to around 11:40pm every day. Instead of waking up around 6am, now it's more like 6:30.
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